December 21st, 2012 was supposed to be the end of everything. That’s what people said back then, anyway. The end of the world, the end of a cycle, something final. I remember the mood around it, that strange mix of unease and freedom. And I remember thinking that if everything really was about to end, then I didn’t have much to lose. That was the thought that led me to start this blog on that exact day.
I didn’t know what it would become. I didn’t even know what I wanted from it. I just knew I needed a place. Somewhere words could land without being rushed. Somewhere I could return to, again and again, without having to explain myself.
Over the years I tried other platforms. Some I left because they got too loud, some because they stopped feeling right, some because I simply lost interest. This one stayed. I never really questioned that. It feels strange to even write it now, but it’s true.
I was curious today. I always loo at the stats on the anniversary of the blog. And what stood out was music. Song reviews, album notes, listening posts. Those were the things that surfaced first this year.
(If you’re curious: Antimatter, Sivert Høyem, Weather Systems.)
That sent me back to the beginning. Because it started like that. Mostly music. Things I listened to obsessively. Notes written quickly, without much distance. Those early posts aren’t here anymore, but the rhythm is. Music first. Words following.
There is a lot of poetry on this blog now. Probably more than anything else. It almost overfills the place at times. But the music is scattered. Tucked in between. And that still seems to be how people arrive. They come for a song, an album, a listening note, and then sometimes they wander off somewhere else. Or they stay. I don’t always know which, and I don’t mind not knowing. That’s a lie, I would love to know, but as I said yesterday, the blog doesn’t invite comments or thoughts, not by design or desire, but because the posts don’t demand anything from the readers. I consider myself to be a poet, a writer if you will. The fact that not one poem appears in the top 10 most read posts this year feels weird, at the same time it tells me that what I share about music is just as valuable if not more, than the poems, the opinions or the short stories. And there are also the pages people keep opening every year, discreetly. I notice that. I like noticing that.
(about me • books)
And somehow, all of the above keeps circling back to the day it began on. Going back to the start.
December 21st is the shortest day of the year. Winter solstice. The darkest day. And the turning point. Nothing changes visibly, and yet from here on, the light comes back. Slowly. I never noticed how true it is for me too. I don’t believe in coincidences. It had to be this way.
The blog changed. I changed. The voice shifted, the urgency softened. The staying didn’t. Thirteen years is a long time to keep showing up to the same place. I only really notice that when I stop showing up or when I question myself too much.
Thank you for reading, for finding this space, for following a song or a sentence and letting it lead you somewhere else.
For we are all listening to the sun.
reflections of an unquiet mind 