Faded me.

I am thinking about leaving. I said enough. Too much. I am invisible. Not invincible. I am up up high on the clouds. Down down down in the hole. And I hurt people. I get needy for some and reject others. I reject most. And I don’t talk. I forgot how to sing. But I remember how to cry. I stopped dancing. But I know how to move. Everything in me is tense. And nothing makes sense. Everything matters. Nothing does. But you are there. On every step of the way. I am thinking about leaving myself and fade away in your dreams.


I think writing really helps you heal yourself. I think if you write long enough, you will be a healthy person. That is, if you write what you need to write, as opposed to what will make money, or what will make fame.

Alice Walker


Ain’t this the truth. I saw this quote several times today. I am not done writing, I guess. I never wrote for money or fame, but to untangle the mess in my head. Old emotions and new ones. Stranger’s feelings and my own. Past and present.


I was lost where I never thought I’d be lost. And through the darkness and the flowing rivers, I was taken away. Ten thousand miles underwater, and still, I was not dying enough to end this sorrow. I was lost where I never thought I’d be lost. The inside of my gloomy self was not comforting anymore; my mind woke up. Endless seconds spent in my cage; all spent in vain. I was found where I never thought I’d be lost.Β 

my sun

If I could live without you and go where my mind wants to send me, darkness would be my comforting blanket. But I cannot breathe without you, and my heart keeps racing into your arms, where I find a love so strong that everything feels like a new sunrise.Β 
Sunrise as seen from our old home (Sept. 22nd, 2017)