Musing

This came to me a couple of moments ago. For a couple of days now, I have been thinking of giving up my online presence. (Closing Twitter and IG, even deleting the blog.)

Every thought ever shared is an old thought once it is written down, hence it loses its importance and its reason to be.

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Black hands are clawing at my dreams
Stealing those rare moments of peace.
Shaking and shivering, I turn to you, my safe light.
You understand what I need; tell me to breathe,
until the evil spirits vanish and leave.
Protected in your arms, I drift off to sleep.

I fell…

…for this new trend (scheme?) to put your name on Urban Dictionary and see what it says. This is what it says about my name:

I’d say this is not completely off the mark, but in the end, it is not for me to judge. By the way, my middle name was quite accurate too.

Have a nice day. xx

Song of the Day

Soen – River

Soen are a Swedish supergroup with member who played in notable metal and progressive bands.

The song “river” can be found on the band’s fourth album called “Lotus” (2019). An album that was well received by fans and critics alike.

I must say, when I heard Soen for the first time, I was immediately smitten. Their music is right up my alley. The above song is rather soft, almost like a ballad. But don’t be fooled, their genre is progressive metal for a reason.

Enjoy…

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If you are using Spotify, here is a playlist for you, one I listen a lot.

Madness is Sadness

Down this river, I swam
As if someone had stolen my ham.
I ran and I ran
Chasing after the hen.
Swimming and running
Of course, I was looking stunning.
No hair out of place
No run in my lace.
Threading water and kicking stones
whispering my moans.
If the moon hides my madness
The sun blinds my sadness.
Chasing dreams that never were
Seeing my life go by in a blur.
Stop! I yelled and stood still
It was time to taste the yellow pill.
Too tired to understand the rabbits in my head
I lay down on top of your bed.
Losing my mind between your sheets
I was remembering my time on the streets.
I was the meat and you were the butcher
Joined with sutures.
Black beauty was fading
As an imminent result of your degrading.
But the tambourine man kept playing his songs
To keep me where I never belonged.
I jumped off the mountain and landed on the moon
If I survived, I would sleep until noon.
Kiss me away and draw me in the sand
Toss me aside like I am banned.
I ran from you and run to you
Never mind my footprint’s tattoo.
Out of the river, I rose
Striking a glorious pose.
And as you watched me from afar
I shone brighter than the stars
Our fling was too good to be true
It resulted in our hearts bleeding, black and blue.
There is never an end to this sham, that’s why
Down this river, I swam
As if someone had stolen my ham.
I ran and I ran
Chasing after the hen.

(…)

πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’™πŸ€πŸ’›πŸ§‘πŸ€ŽπŸ–€πŸ’š

I am not sure what I was drinking/thinking that night in 2018 when this left my fingers, but this must be one of the weirdest pieces I ever wrote. Thoughts?

As I lay down to wait…

I lay down and wait for life to happen. Hidden from view, hidden from the world. And then you see me and I feel insecure; trying to not be me.

I lay down and wait. Tears wet my cheeks. I know, all that I cannot know. Nothing unknown. And then you call and the darkest night is bathed in light.

I lay down and wait. Did I let you get away while I was looking in the review mirror instead of taking careful steps into the future? I wasted too many dreams away.

I lay down and wait. For sleepless nights to mean something and for awoken nights to mean nothing at all. Are there ways to be less soft?

I lay down and wait for life to happen. Dancing in the rain, jumping in puddles. I’m watching the autumn leaves, feeling the wind in my hair. 

I lay down and wait. Until I don’t have to wait anymore. Spirits and fate are in our favour as stars align and every struggle is rewarded the moment I lay my eyes on you.

Social experiment

Three days ago, I mentioned the word “sex” in a conversation on Twitter. That evening, I had six different men in my DMs, sending either nudes of their private parts or sending indecent proposals, including detailed fantasies.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like the attention and admire the courage it takes (or the carefree attitude, the mega ego…) to send nudes to a random stranger; but I am really not interested in anything like that.

After a fun chat with T we decided to try a little something:

I put up the word #sex on my Twitter in an attempt to count how many people would react and how.

And wouldn’t you know? Only two men reacted, but not in the way you would think. It was just banter and wordplay. Nothing even close to what I experienced mere days ago.

Nothing else came from it, and after 36 hours I deleted the tweet. I admit I was part disappointed and part relieved. It goes to show that:

  • my Twitter reach is very limited and my feed is well hidden by the algorithm
  • the people who follow me know me well enough to understand this was not an invitation of any kind

Also… Just because I think it is worth mentioning:

  • 79% of my Twitter followers are male
  • 68% of my Instagram followers are male
  • 99% of my Bandcamp followers are male
  • 85% of my SoundCloud followers are male
  • 81% of the blog followers are male

What am I trying to get at? Simple. My interests in music and writing and movies and even photography seem to fit in with men’s interests more than with women’s. There must be a reason for that, but I don’t know it. I find it quite interesting anyway. And also, these numbers might show you that I am circling in places where people try to flirt in a rather blunt manner on occasion. Out of experience: musicians are the worst, the pushiest and the most entitled when you reject them.

But again, I know to whom my heart belongs, I know where my home is, and I am not interested in anything else.

And yet, I also wonder why so few females are in my audiences. Is it because (as I have been told a couple of times) I seem distant, cold, uninterested? Do I myself react differently to women than to men?

I don’t know. And in the end, it does not matter either. As always, I am doing my thing. It is not aimed at any gender or audience, I am just trying to be my most authentic self.

β€πŸ’œπŸ§‘πŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ–€

Sunday Scribblings #80

Every Wednesday, Aaron shares a prompt on his blog: http://confusingmiddle.com. This is week 80. The prompt is Hello. Here we go.

Hello, he whispered into the headset and when he heard her voice he knew that

Everything would be okay. She was the only one able to ground him;

Listening to him without passing judgment and without stars in her eyes.

Love. He had said, “I love you.” Twice. Was this friendship turning into love?

Overwhelming emotions, a feeling of unconditional understanding, and yes; love.

She had him at Hello.

About last week:

sent by Ash… credits go to the person mentioned in the image.

Most of these six photos are self-explanatory. They were all taken between last Sunday and today. It shows a little bit of me. The artist, the housewives, the educator, the friend… Is something missing? Music you say?

Oh well, you asked for it:

This is special. Why? My mother-in-law loved listening to Harry Belafonte while cleaning. Today is the thirteenth anniversary of her passing.

The Captain’s Quiz 5: Golden Rings

After a long absence from these quizzes, I decided that it is time to partake again. Thank you, Paul, for hosting the 5th edition of your famous quiz. Interested? Head on over to The Captain’s Speech. You will be in for a treat.

Now about that quiz and my answers… Please enjoy. And good luck to everyone taking on this challenge. It’s 5 pm, let’s get this one on the road.

RULES

To participate, answer the questions below in a blog post of your own and link it back to this post so I see it.
There are no right or wrong answers; there are only answers. Feel free to provide as many, or as few details as you want, at your own peril.
You will receive a score of 1, 3, or 5 points for your response to the 10 Questions. Your answers may unlock hidden bonus points, so answer wisely.
There are 3 Bonus Questions. The scoring for them will be kept a secret until the final results are posted.
You have until Noon on Tuesday, November 23 to participate. The results will be posted next Wednesday.

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THE 10 QUESTIONS

1. The Fab Five were a group of all-freshmen starters for the 1991 Michigan men’s basketball team. What is something you immediately excelled at?

Knowing songs and their lyrics.

2. One Direction was a boy band that eventually went in five directions. If you were in a five-person band, would you be the first one to leave? Why or why not?

No. I would be the second. The first is the one that gives up, second is the one leaving the sinking ship.

3. Five Alive is a line of various fruit juice blends. Create a new drink and include any number (other than five) in its name. Tell me about the new drink.

2+3 Your new favourite drink combines two kinds of vegetables and three kinds of fruits. Tasty and healthy; guaranteed to improve your day. 2+3 Now available in stores near you.

4. In the mid-2000s, WWE Superstar John Cena had a weekly segment on WWE.com called, “Five Questions With The Champ” where he answered fan questions. If you were to send a celebrity five questions, who would it be and what would you ask?

Harrison Ford:
In 2023, Indian Jones 5 will be released. When you signed for the first movie, did you ever stop to think that 42 years later people still want to see Indy?

Flying or floating?

Coffee with or without milk?

Early riser or burning the midnight oil?

What are the five greatest songs ever written, according to you, Mr Ford?

5. The San Francisco 49ers have won five Super Bowls, with their last one coming in 1995. What is something from 1995 that you wish we still had and/or did in 2021?

In 1995, I was 12 years old. I wish we could be that carefree again.

6. When you type, “Where are the” into Google, what is the fifth autocomplete option?

Where are they situated?

7. The TV show, Breaking Bad, had five seasons. What is your favourite TV show and how many seasons does it have?

Brothers and Sisters. It has 5 seasons.

8. The PlayStation 5 has experienced supply issues due to a chip shortage. What are your top five potato chip flavours?

Salt. Salt and pepper. Paprika (not sure if that exists over there). Cheese and onions. And salt.

9. “Remember, remember, the 5th of November” is a line from the movie, V for Vendetta. What do you remember about November 5, 2021?

On the 5th of November, I remember I remember inviting someone to my home for Christmas. 

10. How would you explain the “high five” hand gesture to someone who doesn’t know what it is?

Both parties raise one of their arms and clap the other’s hand mid-air. (If you look at the elbow of the other’s raised arm, you can never miss a high five, it’s true. Try it!). It means, agreeing on or being happy about an outcome.

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BONUS QUESTIONS

1. If you could be five-years-old for the next 24 hours, what would you do?

I would throw a tantrum because I would have to follow rules and obey adults and I would not like that. I would play with my toy cars, jump in puddles (which I do as an adult too), refuse to eat anything green, and ask for cuddles while watching TV with my parental figure. 

2. How many five-letter words can you type in two minutes? Do it, but don’t share the words with me. Your answer to this question will only be the number of words.

Seventeen.Tell me the story behind th

3. Tell me the story behind the fifth photo in your phone (or camera, computer, photo album)

It’s a picture of my youngest daughter folding a burrito. Once in a while, we eat burritos, all made from scratch, with lots of vegetables and lots of fun. Amalia packed so much into hers that she almost couldn’t close it. She was laughing the entire time. (If Amalia was not on the pic, I would have shared it)

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Thank you, and have a great evening. xx