There is not much on my Instagram account, but I seem to be looking for a way to get somewhere. Or maybe, I am appreciating my journey and the road I am traveling? Either way, there are too many photos of streets and roads.


Feel free to follow me there… I have moments when I share a lot and others when I delete more. As so often, it used to be about music, there were some LP (vinyl) pics, but not many anymore. There are not too many pics of me… hehe, I do delete most of the pics of myself, because I don’t like to see myself all the time, am I just revealing again that I am weirder than anticipated?

Ah well… *hugs*

Does this qualify as Bloganuary #19? Write about something mysterious? I will pretend it does. I mean, it sounds vain and conceited when I say it myself, but countless times people called me mysterious… I am anything but, but maybe others see things in me that I don’t.


Bloganuary #18

What book is next on your reading list?

Funny that this question comes up today. Yesterday, someone held a monologue for me, explaining why I absolutely have to read Harry Potter, mainly books 5-7. And that’s why they are next on my list.

I have to say, I am not a fantasy fan. But that person is and honestly the passion with which the monologue was delivered left me quite curious. There you have it. Harry Potter is next on my reading list. And maybe I’ll even read it. Haha.


Daniel Wirtz – Overkill

Bloganuary #17

What is a superpower you’d love to have?

Ah… I thought about this one before and the only answer I ever had was: teleportation.

Yup… There are people all around the world that I would like to meet, but traveling is expensive and I am not the biggest fan of planes either. Yes, teleportation would be rather awesome.

Beam me up!

Come to think about it. How about invisible teleportation? Hmmm

That song though, right? HIM – join me (in death). I only ever share that song on January 17th.

Maybe, maybe not

Last year, I published two books and my initial plan was to publish a new one this February. I think I mentioned it several times before. But somehow, these last months were not very productive and I decided to drop the project. It took a while to come to terms with it, but eventually, I also mentioned it in passing here on this very blog.

But as so often, once I voice something, it is like pieces of a puzzle fall into place and I am drawn back to the plan I abandoned in the first place.

I shared many a poem here on the blog, but as you can see on the photo above, I also keep journals and use whatever comes in handy when inspiration hits.

Right now, I am looking at short of 200 pages of poetry. I will have to cut a lot of material and change some. Also, there is some writing that is horrible and others that is just plain depressing. Seeing that most of these poems were written last year, one might believe that I had a very bad year in 2021.

And so I spent the best part of this Sunday afternoon trying to remember last year. And not much stood out.

  • Shoulder pain
  • Surgery
  • Extensive sick leave at work
  • More pain
  • New job
  • Troubles with the twin flame
  • Abandonment
  • New friendship
  • Some writing
  • Lots of music
  • Persisting shoulder pain
  • Family matters

All quite mundane. Add my kids and husband to the mix – yes I am married and tomorrow is actually our 22nd anniversary. (Obviously not wedding anniversary – that’s 14 years).

I did have emotional ups and downs and some empty moments too. But I cannot remember having been as miserable as some of those poems read.

A predominant theme seems to be being rootless, finding freedom, building a home, love, and loss.

It will be a while until I sort through all of this. There is no cover picture and no title yet. I will not meet my intended deadline of a February 8th release either. My 39th birthday, by the way. (I think I also mentioned February 18th as a possible release day… I am not sure.)

Anyway… I have been working on this, also trying to decipher my handwriting on occasion, today.

Soon, I will take my aching arm and shoulder to bed. Ah, see… And here I revealed a couple of things about myself in this post, amongst them that 11 months after surgery, I am not pain-free, in fact, the pain got worse again. Ah well…

Bloganuary #16

What is a cause you’re passionate about and why?

I am quite passionate about second chances. This applies in every area of life. Maybe it comes with my job, or maybe it is because I am an Aquarius and we are said to be humanitarians.

Our society is quick to cast people out. Instead of helping them (which is often cheaper in the long run) they are rejected and abandoned. A vicious circle begins and without help or compassion from others, it is hard to get back on one’s feet.

Everyone deserves a second chance, and a third and a fourth too.

If I can help, I do. It’s not always good for me, sometimes I give so much that I become empty and burnt out – but it is always worth it.

So yeah, I am passionate about being compassionate, gentle, kind, nonjudgmental, about helping, offering support, and giving as many chances as are needed.


And music… Who would have guessed?

Soen – Lotus


I have to leave this thought here… Sorry. (or not?)

My day was a rollercoaster of emotions. I felt angry, something I rarely do. Anyway… As you all know, music always does the trick to call me down. But this music in particular.

Right now, I have 1 album and 1 EP of different artists on repeat. Thing is, they will not be released for a long while. And they are both very very good. The album are raw demos that will receive their polish in the studio when they are properly recorded, but the EP is done and waiting for its release day.

I feel very fortunate and lucky to be spoiled with music, even if it is in secret.

You see, I follow many musicians, but even more follow me. And I don’t really know why, because it is definitely not for the blog… In the beginning, this blog was only about music, but I rarely write reviews. Reviews are objective and I can’t be when I love what I hear. Also, writing reviews is so much more difficult than you might think. I wrote two or three for this blog and a couple for a blog called At the Barrier. Also if you are looking for great music reviews and suggestions, follow this link: https://eclecticmusiclover.com or https://marcschuster.wordpress.com just to name two.

Anyway… What I wanted to share is that I have awesome music on my ears that is unreleased and will stay so for a while.

Also, I did not have a drop of alcohol since last November and I only had two cigarettes this year.

Onwards… Movie night with the kids. The Good Dinosaur.

Bloganuary #15

What is a life lesson you feel everyone can benefit from learning?

Is it a life lesson, really?

Be kind. Everyone is struggling from time to time in their own way.


Don’t live with regrets. Every choice you made and every decision you took is the right one at that precise moment. Sometimes the choice we have is between bad and worse, but it is there. And even the smallest things can make a big change. Don’t live with regrets. They make you miserable, because in the end, the things we regret are things we cannot change anymore.

Still not enough?

Even the worst parts of our lives taught us something and made us move forward.

Enough Cathy-wisdom for an early Saturday morning.


Glen Hansard – Leave (live)

Bloganuary #14

Write about a challenge you faced and overcame.

I actually wanted to skip this one. Over the years, I wrote so much about myself and my struggles and challenges that I am tired of the topic. And you are probably too. I don’t know. Does it matter? I mean, it’s depressing and not uplifting.

There was a time when I wrote all this stuff to get a reaction. I wanted people to care and maybe I even wanted some pity or praise. I did not do it on purpose, but in hindsight, even if I didn’t do it consciously, I did it.

My life has been paved with challenges. From being emotionally and mentally abused as a child, to depression and ADHD as an adult, I faced many challenges.

Often, every new day is a challenge. Getting up. Taking a shower. Going to work. Doing laundry. Preparing dinner. Talking. Sleeping. Breathing. Existing. Being. Those things are challenging every day. And I overcome them almost every day too. Almost.

But you know what? Many people feel that way. There is never anything new under this sun. And even though emotions might be new to us, they have been felt by other people before.

None of us is special. Every one of us is special. None of us is unique. Every one of us is unique.

In the end, it doesn’t matter how big or small the challenges are that you are dealing with; the only thing that matters is that you face them, and try your best to come out on the other side with as least damage as possible.

Be kind

Be gentle.

Felix RΓ€uber – burning sky

little rant

Sometimes, people need to remember who is in their corner in times of need. Most often, it is not the people who claimed to be, it is not the people who said they were your friends. And it is definitely not the people you want to be there.

Don’t push those away who support you with everything in their might. Don’t push those away who offer support, understanding, time too.

Because as hard as they are trying to show you that they care and that you matter, they grow tired too. And then, the thing you feared most – being abandoned and lonely will finally happen. That one person who accepted you with all your flaws and knows every horrible detail about you, they will grow silent and quiet. And one day, they will be gone.

I promise, that realisation will hurt and maybe destroy every small success you had in your healing.

Be careful who you push away and cherish those who are there when your life is imploding.

drops 🎀

Bloganuary #13

What does your ideal day look like?

Sleeping in

Chatting with my favourite people (on and offline)

Some TV

A long bath with lots of bubbles

Great dinner without or without alcoholic beverages

More chats

Writing some, maybe (no pressure)

No crippling thoughts or doubts

And lots and lots of music.


Leprous – the flood