reflections of an unquiet mind

More music, more writing. Less vulnerability. Less ramblings from a fragile mind.

As I walk through my soul’s valley, I am attracted by the dark shadows, but the kiss of healing light guides me on my path

Dear Stranger, it has been a while since I wrote you a letter and it took me a while to decide about this one. A lot has happened in the last year and for almost an entire year, we messaged and called daily.

Your last message came a couple of days ago, you were poorly that day; “rough” you called it. And then you vanished and I have no way of getting in touch. But I am worried. So very worried. Because I know how much you were suffering lately. The silence scares me. At the same time, I hope that the relationship we developed is stronger than life. Stronger than silence.

Me without you seems wrong, but I guess it’s only because I came to be dependent of your daily input. I got used to it, but I never took it for granted. Never. Not once. I was always aware that this could end swiftly. After all, before we were friends, we were a fantasy for many years. Yeah, sounds weird, but it is what it is.

You sent me a sad song that you had written last week and I adore it, love it… But I never saved it. Now it is lost just like you. But maybe one day, I will hear the song again, and I will remember that I heard it first, before anyone else did. That’s a nice feeling.

Something of you will always stay with me. Something of me will always stay with you.

I know you will never forget me and I will not forget you either. We played too big a part in each other’s lives for a moment.

And I need to remind myself: people step into our lives when we need them, not when we want them… And it makes a lot of sense right now.

Stranger, babe, just be well. Heal and don’t be afraid to reach out.

Yours forever and ever,

Sweetie

Every night, I have the same dream
Every night
A dream
That turns into a nightmare.

Every night, I have the same nightmare
Every night
The nightmare
Wakes me up with stars in my eyes.

Every night, I wake up with stars in my eyes
Every night
Stars in my eyes
Witness the sorrow I feel without you.

Every night, without you
Every night
Without you
I have the same dream, missing you.

Can you hear my voice, repeating the words we already said? One day without you, and I feel as if an important piece of me is missing. Can you hear my voice, guiding you back into the safety of my arms? Wherever you are, I beg you, don’t drown in guilt and doubt. I am strong enough to protect us both. I promise.

Where are you tonight? I saw you walking down the tunnel, but at the end there was no light. I fought for a candle to flicker for you at night. But my light was never right. Where are you now? If I was able to save your soul, it would save my own too.

It is so easy to love you and your troubled mind
But it is so hard to love myself with the same troubles
And I can't live with all the things I am not feeling
And I can't live with all the things I am feeling
It is so easy to forgive you for all you've done
But I will never be able to forgive myself.

His words felt like a warm blanket on a winter’s night. She felt comforted, cared for, and maybe even a little loved. He taught her that all it took was showing her vulnerable side, allowing herself to be weak for once. So simple, yet so hard to do.