Let me overthink this…

I am reading Jordan B Peterson’s second book “Beyond Order”. His first book was a recommendation years ago, but I couldn’t get through the read. Now, the new one is much easier to read (keeping in mind that I am not a native English speaker).

Moments ago, I read more about the author, finding out about his views on LGBTQ and parenting, and I have to say, I disagree with most he says. At the same time, the things he says about mental health resonate with me, a lot.

It feels like a dilemma.

Now I wonder, would I have even considered reading Peterson if I had known about these politics? I admit, I don’t deal with those things at all. I mean, I am not interested in those things too much. Usually.

I am member of a Discord channel, and I shared that I read that book. And a member left over this. There was no drama, no discussions that turned vile or anything. But that guy chose to leave, saying that he couldn’t be part of a place where politics and views like that would be appreciated. (And that statement made me dig more into Peterson)

And of course, I am overthinking now. And I am very sorry that a good person left a safe place because of a book I am reading.

So yeah… Let me overthink this…

Imagine…

A mom had a bad day. She was in pain, and her established plans for the kids to help with household chores were ignored. She did everything on her own and in pain. She made dinner. Watched a movie with the kids and an episode of Alf, and while her older daughter chose to go to bed, her younger daughter needed more cuddles. And the young ten-year-old began talking about death and how hard it is to lose people. Mom had a couple of drinks with dinner and didn’t approve of the girl’s way of thinking. She reminded her daughter that every end is a beginning, and every bad thing that happens now is part of a journey and part of a bigger picture.
Everything happens for a reason; even the ugliest moments teach us lessons and help us evolve. And then mom said that the best thing that ever happened in her life was the birth of her three kids. Every kid came at exactly the right moment, and every kid made a better person out of mom, teaching her a lot about life, the world, and her purpose. The daughter listened with tears in her eyes, and mom got worried, telling her child that every emotion is always valid and should be felt, at least for a little while. Feeling is important. But the kid shook her head. “I am not sad,” she said. “I am just touched by your words.” And inside mom’s head, thoughts just exploded. She was overwhelmed with pride for her kids. “This is the best moment of my life,” the ten-year-old girl said and hugged her mom tightly. Mom was at a loss for words and close to tears herself. Everything was just very emotional and intense, but in such a good way. And mom knew when her daughter finally went to bed that they had just shared a life-altering moment. A positive moment where mom had shared some of her eccentricities with her youngest daughter, a young girl who needed to hear those words that moment, because: everything happens at exactly the right moment in time, even if we can’t see the whole picture yet.

It was the most intense parenting moment in recent times without feeling like parenting at all.

***

Matthew Ryan – maybe I’ll disappear (from the album “Hustle Up Starlings”, 2017)

Fatboy Slim – right here, right now (from the album “You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby”, 1998)

Heart of Stone – Interview

A couple of months ago, I sent Ollie a copy of my novel Heart of Stone. He asked if I was interested in answering a couple of questions and I agreed. Here are the questions and my replies. Enjoy. What was the genesis of the novel? When did you first get the idea for it? […]

Heart of Stone – Interview

A repost as a reminder that my novel is available for purchase; maybe this little interview makes you curious about it. 🙂

Heart of Stone

Advertising Space

The following is a post I just shared on IG 💜❤💜❤💜

It’s Friday (I think). Let me tickle your memory for a moment. I am an author who published 5 books since 2018. And they are all ready to be devoured by your hungry minds. There are two options to get your hands on a copy of these masterpieces. Either on Amazon as paperback and ebook or from my blog (link in bio). If you buy your paperback from the blog, you can pay via PayPal, and your copy will be signed with a handwritten note from yours truly.
Every word in these books was written by me. And every cover picture was taken by me too. It’s a complete solo project, created with lots of passion and love. Never perfect, but always real. A lot like me.

Out of the Dark and Into the Light: a poetry collection. It’s a mostly fictitious journey through the year 2020.

A Life in Frames: short stories and flash fiction. In this book, I am trying to showcase my writing style.

Heart of Stone: a romantic novel

Drowning in a Sea of voices: a poetry collection

Unquiet Minds: a poetry collection. This was the first time I ever wrote my real name under my writing and I was a nervous wreck when I published it.

73 questions (2021)


1. What’s your favorite movie
A few good men

2. Favorite movie in the past five years?
I am not sure, to be honest. I have seen so many films that I liked, it is hard to pick one.

3. Favorite Hitchcock film?
Never seen a Hitchcock film

4. A book you plan on reading? There is nothing on my reading list right now

5. A book that you read in school that positively shaped you?
On n’est pas sérieux quand on a dix-sept ans by Barbara Samson (English title: Being seventeen)

6. Favorite TV show that’s currently on?
A Handmaid’s Tale

7. On a scale of one to ten how excited are you about life right now?
If One is bad and Ten is super excited, I am a 7

8. iPhone or Android?
Android. Never had and never will own an iPhone

9. Twitter or Instagram?
Instagram

10. Who should EVERYONE be following right now?
Whoever empowers them in a positive way. Right now, I find Russell Brand’s IG account quite interesting, but my enthusiasm for it comes and goes…

11. What’s your favorite food?
Spinach with garlic

12. Least favorite food?
Brussel sprouts

13. What do you love on your pizza?
Spinach, seafood, eggs

14. Favorite drink?
Gin & Tonic with fruits (raspberries, strawberries, mango) or simply water. I like drinking water.

15. Favorite dessert?
Mousse au Chocolat

16. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?
Milk Chocolate

17. Coffee or tea?
Depends on my mood

18. What’s the hardest part about being a mum?
Managing the chaos and remembering everyone’s schedules, while working, and making sure everyone has enough clean clothes in their cupboard to last two days

19. What’s your favorite band?
I don’t have a favourite band anymore. Some I like a lot are Depeche Mode, Pink Floyd, Anathema, the Cure…

20. Favorite solo artist?
Sivert Høyem

21. Favorite song?
Running up that hill by Kate Bush
Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

22. If you could sing a duet with anyone, who would it be?
James Morrison (please don’t stop the rain), not because I like to listen to that kind of music a lot, but because I think our voices would be good together.

23. If you could master one instrument, what would it be?
Piano

24. If you had a tattoo, where would it be?
Left lower arm

25. To be or not to be?
To be

26. Dogs or cats?
Neither, but if I had to choose: dogs

27. Bird-watching or whale-watching?
Bird-watching

28. Best gift you’ve ever received?
A personal song sung especially for me from a musician I once admired

29. Best gift you’ve ever given?
Personalized jewelry. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but I took great care in choosing it, and the person was really happy and is wearing it a lot

30. Last gift you gave a friend?
chocolates

31. What’s your favorite board game?
Karuba

32. What’s your favorite country to visit?
France is nice

33. What’s the last country you visited?
Netherlands

34. What country do you wish to visit?
UK (especially Scotland and Wales)

35. What’s your favorite color?
Purple

36. Least favorite color?
Orange

37. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

38. Heels or flats?
Flats

39. Pilates or yoga?
Yoga

40. Jogging or swimming?
Jogging

41. Best way to de-stress?
Drinking Maté and listening to music. A bath helps too.

42. If you had one superpower, what would it be?
Teleportation

43. What’s the weirdest word in the English language?
Acknowledgement, awkward, jealous

44. What’s your favorite flower?
Calla Lilies

45. When was the last time you cried?
A couple of days ago while watching a TV show called Years and Years

46. Do you like your handwriting?
Yes

47. Do you bake?
Yes

48. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I lack self-confidence

49. What is your most favorite thing about yourself?
My eyes, my ass, my boobs, my humour, my wit, my empathy

50. Who do you miss most?
I can think of a few people who I miss equally.

51. What are you listening to right now?
Right this moment, I am listening to a British artist called Ben Montague

52. Favorite smell?
My perfume and the way it smells on my skin (Jean-Paul Gaultier pour Femme)

53. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
A colleague from work – Bianca

54. Who was the last person you sent a text to?
Ash

55. A sport you wish you could play?
Ballet

56. Hair color?
Brown

57. Eye color?
Brown

58. Scary film or happy endings?
Happy Ending

59. Favorite season?
Autumn

60. Three people alive or dead that you would like to have dinner with?
Keanu Reeves, Emma Thompson, my grandma

61. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs and Kisses

62. Rolling Stones or the Beatles?
The Beatles (duh!!)

63. Where were you born?
Luxembourg city

64. What is the farthest you have been from home?
Djerba (Tunisia)

65. Sweet or savory?
Savory

66. Lipstick or lip gloss?
None

67. What book have you read again and again?
None. There are books I read twice, but usually, I only read them once.

68. Favorite bedtime story?
None

69. What would be the title of your autobiography?
In search of a balanced mind – the story of a troubled soul

70. Favorite sound?
Thunderstorm and rain outside while I am inside

71. Favorite animal?
Donkey

72. Who is your girl crush?
Winona Ryder

73. Last photograph you took?

This tree is very close to my house (I live down the street). It is said to be over 100 years old.

The first edition of this post was taken in July 2018. Some answers stayed the same; others changed… Have fun…

Cathy

Old wisdom

I found this one on Twitter when I was looking for a different picture. This was written around 2015. I had strong words back then, but things happened in 2015, and I was left forever changed…

I was looking for this pic, by the way:

That picture is from about 4 years ago. We had moved house, and few boxes were left to move. I put shoeboxes filled with CDs in a bigger box and when I stepped on the stairs, the bottom gave out and one third of my collection flew down the stairs. I cried. I laughed. I was near hysterical. Oh, and I was stuck at the top of the stairs. My son stood downstairs and had no idea what to say and what to do. After a while, we went in search of a new box, put the jewel cases of the CDs back together – (many broke and I am still mad about that. I take such good care of my collection but so many cases are broken because of that incident.) and got on with our move… It was not a fun evening… But now, years later, I can laugh about it.

I was too visible online tonight. I posted on IG and here… See you tomorrow. xx

Review me

You can now find me on Goodreads. It was not easy to set it up. I know many authors are on there, but I find it not to be intuitive at all – for authors anyway. There are social media buttons on this very site too.

It would be kind of you to leave some kind of review… It doesn’t have to be written word, stars are nice too. ✨

So… If you liked my poetry, short stories, or/and my novel, you know what to do.

Thank you very much.

Facts about me

Taking a page out of Aaron’s blog –> http://confusingmiddle.com and following Paul’s –> captainsspeech.com recent share your blog event, I decided to share some facts about me. Questions are allowed and will be answered. So… fasten your seatbelts, let’s begin this Tuesday with a post about mememememe.

  1. I am a woman
  2. My birthday is in February (8th)
  3. It makes me an Aquarius
  4. I am also an INFP which stands for “introversion, intuition, feeling, perception” and is one of 16 personality types according to Myers-Briggs
  5. I write a lot. Every day. Everything that is not personal and about me is fiction.
  6. I am diagnosed bi-polar and my moods or episodes can sometimes be palpable in my posts
  7. I love music of many genres and like to share things that make me happy – music
  8. I was born and raised in Luxembourg – which is a very small but beautiful country in Europe
  9. i am fluent in four languages and always interested in picking up bits of new ones
  10. some consider me as being odd
  11. at work, I am often seen as laid-back and calm/quiet. That’s just a facade. There is a storm on the inside
  12. I work with babies and toddlers
  13. The only other dream-job I ever had was in drug-prevention, apart from that, I always wanted to work with little kids
  14. right now, I am on extensive sick leave because I have an issue with my shoulder. It should have been resolved a year ago, but it seems as if no one wants to perform a surgery and it is better to be sent from test to test anyway *sarcasm*
  15. I am deeply empathetic, which can be a course. I pick up on moods and sometimes internalise the pain of others – my writing benefits from that, my mental health doesn’t
  16. I am a good cook because I like spoiling people who come to my house
  17. did I mention that I will be 38 this year? Not a nice number. I wonder if it is time to grow up.
  18. I did not gain or lose any weight this year, even if it looks like it on my face. but my hair turns grey and greyer
  19. blame it on my three kids (15,12,10). I love them to bits and would do anything for them
  20. My son will be 16 next week
  21. my childhood was quite rough with emotional blackmail, neglect, and abuse and I had to do things for my mom no child should do for their parent at the age of 6. It influenced my entire life and I hope that I am a better parent to my kids.
  22. when i get very very overwhelmed, I fall back into old patterns and get the urge to cut my skin. I did that as a teenager, then stopped – without help for a decade. Since 2012 it happens again sporadically. (once in 2020)
  23. one of my biggest fears is being rejected and abandoned. that’s why it hurts so much when people become close and start ghosting me – which happens on occasion too
  24. I am a sensual woman and like to write sensual short stories that border on erotica
  25. most of my online acquaintances are male
  26. most of my real-life friends are male
  27. I lost a friend because of that – she counted my followers on Twitter and FB (!) and after a fight she decided that I violated the girls-code (whatever that is) and that I was toxic – I don’t miss her
  28. I have never met my best friend – she is in London and we are in touch daily.
  29. It is easier for me to be authentic and open online than it is in my real life
  30. i prefer to step back and allow others to shine in real life
  31. online is real-life too, I know, but it is different
  32. I published 4 books, they can all be found on Amazon and they can also be bought through my blog, but only one person ever chose the latter option and that book went to Wales
  33. In 2020, for the first time ever, I did a piece of spoken word poetry and it can be found on an official release – a compilation by diy artists – I am a member of a discord channel as the only (?) non-musician and don’t know if I even fit in there – but the creator of the channel added me and I won’t complain
  34. I used to sing in a band and two songs I wrote made it on an album – I was made to leave (kicked out) when hey decided they only needed one singer and it would be better to be an all-male band. I cried and was disappointed, but not for too long. I am still friends with the members of the band. A while later, they split up and went on to have families and careers…
  35. I have been sharing music daily on the blog for a while now. I always start with the intention of only doing it for a month straight only, but to be honest, I like that most don’t know the songs I share and I hope that you can discover your next favourite artist
  36. I like supporting people and I like taking care of them
  37. If I take care of you, it means that I love you. I care about you. I never ask “how are you?” without wanting a real and true answer
  38. I write romantic poems and stories most of the time, I don’t consider myself to be a romantic woman though. I don’t want flowers or jewels, I want the little things
  39. I can be selfish
  40. I think I am shallow, but I am told I am not
  41. can I brag? I have an IQ (official test) of 132
  42. I am horrible with numbers
  43. My life is quite boring. I am home a lot and don’t like to socialise.
  44. My head is filled with boring facts about music, movies and everything related to those two. I just seem to memorise these things
  45. I am a good listener and remember little things about people
  46. last October, I met a Dutch couple I met online. I drove for four hours, spent four days with them and drove home again. I had a weird weekend. It was almost like wellness and yet, it was apparent that something internal was not quite right – I had the urge to touch my fingers the entire time, and one big phobia reared its head – I hate eating in front of people. I was an even weirder version of my normal self. it’s embarrassing, really. I’m sorry.
  47. people step into our lives when we need them not when we want them
  48. I don’t believe in regrets. Every decision I make is the right one in that moment. And if it turns out to be a bad decision later, then so be it. It sounds weird but allows me to be confident about my choices.
  49. I believe in the Butterfly Effect: If one thing was changed in the past, I would not be where I am now – this helps a lot with my messed up childhood and adolescence – because I like my life right now and I like the people who are part of it – even if they have no idea how important they are for my well-being
  50. amor fati – love your fate
  51. I write daily. In December my mentor passed away, without him, you would not be able to read any of my words. I miss him. He liked lists too.
  52. I use social media a lot, but I am not hung-up on stats. But, once in a while I wonder “who cares” and consider deleting everything. Everything but the blog. And for the blog, I do like to see that there are constant visitors.
  53. as I am writing this list, I am sitting at my kitchen table with plugs in my ear. The song that is playing is heavy metal (Kvelertak – heksebrann) and it is hard to sit still, but my kid has an online class and she is sitting here with me – i need to behave
  54. I am not a usual mom – I am often silly
  55. I like sunrises
  56. I like to sleep in – it clashes with the fact that I like sunrises
  57. when I wake up in the morning, I need a moment until I am ready to talk with anyone
  58. I can be very moody (good moods and bad moods too)
  59. The only way I know how to think is to overthink
  60. I am made of emotions but only movies and music make me cry
  61. I don’t like to show my vulnerable and weak side – I try to make fun of myself instead – yes, I am that insecure
  62. powertools don’t scare me. I know how to do many things around the house – I am independent, but I like it if a man takes care of me
  63. I like long baths
  64. kindness, respect, and gratitude are not a luxury
  65. you are always the bad guy in someone’s story – that’s a fact of life
  66. I love spinach, it is my second favourite dish
  67. I don’t like it when someone looks over my shoulder while I am looking at my phone or writing on the laptop.
  68. I am afraid to be judged wrongly – but since I am secretive and insecure, that is often the case
  69. most people I encounter use the word “mysterious” to describe me and even though this has happened for years now, no one has an answer to what is so “mysterious” about me.
  70. I gave up pretending online – I am who I am.
  71. I don’t pretend in real-life, I just don’t show everything
  72. I know a lot of theory about exercising and healthy food – and yet I am overweight
  73. I am quite short (160cm – 5’3)
  74. my wardrobe is filled with black tops and jeans
  75. my best physical assets: eyes (brown), boobs, ass
  76. I am a bad liar and think it is disrespectful to lie anyway
  77. I am easily hurt but I easily forgive too
  78. there is a song for every memory and every situation
  79. one indicator that I am not well (mentally) is when there is no music playing – it means i am overflowing with emotions and cannot deal with anything else clouding my mind
  80. an explosion of emotions – I wish I had come up with that, but I did not. I just use it a lot and the person who said it probably just said it in passing without giving it much thought
  81. my favourite season is autumn (fall). In winter it is too cold, in summer it is too hot and in spring there are too many allergies
  82. always look on the bright side of life
  83. I like art – abstract photography
  84. I haven’t seen my mother since 2016 – it is a conscious choice to protect me, but if I am honest and if I was in her position it would hurt – all my talk about being abandoned and rejected and I am doing it myself – and yet… I cannot change it. I cannot go and visit – even calling her is hard for me
  85. I know my twin-flame. It is not the man I married
  86. I never had any surgery or broken bones and the only X-Rays I had ever taken was at the dentists
  87. the song that is playing now is Billy Joel – she’s only a woman
  88. there is only one podcast I listen to regularly: https://open.spotify.com/show/0ZjcbBn2GdfMosNptBzEkP?si=uXUfwv8oQI2YskABoDD2KQ
  89. I know that spotify is not kind to indie artists and yet it is the easiest way to spread your music these days.
  90. I never owned any apple device
  91. there is a very thin line between emptiness and overflowing
  92. I am not alone, but I get very lonely sometimes
  93. I get lonely because I know exactly who I want to be in touch with but they are unavailable
  94. it’s the expectation that hurts more than anything else – no expectations, no hurt. I tried living without expectations, but it doesn’t work for me – maybe I am too much of a dreamer
  95. I hate video calls
  96. I don’t often use the word “hate”
  97. I am not a negative person, it is just easier to see the positive in other people than it is to see it in myself
  98. I know too many songs, I am singing alone to Pat Benatar’s Hit me with your best shot right now
  99. I have been struggling to come up with more facts since fact 53
  100. Thank you for indulging me – you deserve a big hug.

Share your blog 2021

For the third year in a row, Paul is organising an event on his blog called “share your blog”. I’ll start with sharing where it’s all happening… https://captainsspeech.wordpress.com/ Take a look. Paul is a very talented and interesting one.

Participating is easy:

  1. Introduce yourself in the comments section below
  2. Tell us the name of your blog and what you write about
  3. Share a link to your blog

You can do that here or on Paul’s site.

From personal experience, I can tell you that last year’s “share your blog” resulted in a surge of visitors. Some stayed and some only came by for the free drinks and food, but that’s okay. But as Paul points out in his post, it motivates to share some good content for the newbies on your page. At least it worked for me.

But, who am I? Well… I am an 37 year old woman, mother of three kids. I work part-time with babies and toddlers, and I am also a published author. I published four books so far: two poetry collections, one novel, and an anthology of short stories. Currently, I am struggling with on-going shoulder issues and constant pain, with a bit of luck it should be sorted this year. I said the same last year, but I am an optimistic pessimist. Most of my writing is romantic in a way and 90% is fiction. I am a right music nut and support talent in any genre, that’s why I share so much music on my blog. Hopefully you don’t know the songs and find new favourites. I can be a bit weird some times. I over-share which can be tiring, but it is a part of me. I believe in kindness and in gratitude. I am deeply empathetic which is not always easy for me, and I am quite impulsive too. (And I took a Myers-Briggs test, I am an INFP)

I invite you to come with me on this journey. Another extraordinary year is in front of us…

So, silent ones and outspoken ones, take a moment to share your blog with a comment here.

Dare to be seen!

Lots of love from your favourite Luxembourgish writer (and from me too!)

The last of my stock

This is the last of my stock, if you are interested in buying and owning a personalised copy of one of my books, now is the time. I ship worldwide. Payment via PayPal.

Heart of Stone – novel, 4 copies left (19€/$22,50)
Unquiet Minds – poetry, 3 copies left (12€/$14)
Drowning in a Sea of Voices – poetry, 2 copies left 10€/$12)

Every word in these books was written by myself, every cover picture was taken and edited by myself too. Once my stock is gone, it is gone and the only way of purchasing these books is through Amazon. There are copies in Australia, Brazil, Canada, US, UK, Sweden, South Africa, India, Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Romania, Ukraine… Join the readers all around the globe.

Comment for more information. 😉

Have a nice weekend xx