nothing new

Went to bed early, and had a really good sleep. No disruptions, no waking up with a racing heart. I just slept until almost 9 in the morning. Wow. And I was in a good mood when I woke up. A silly mood. Joked and laughed and everything was great.


Nothing happened. I missed a phonecall I didn’t want to miss.

And my mood just plummeted. Down and down.


I found myself in a hole.

I listened to music, lots of it. And was reminded of one of the best live albums ever made.

I really will never quite understand how and why these huge mood swings happen. I didn’t have one like that in a long while.

But, it will pass. It is already better than it was a couple of hours ago. I was just surprised by this, is all.


I quit my job. I did not sign a new contract yet. Times are a bit unsure… But that too will sort itself out. I am sure. Confident even.

I have a best friend who understands me so well that he manages to navigate these mood swings and understands them. He does not make a drama out of it, he calls me out and tells me that he loves me. And I love him for that. Platonically, from both sides.

I am looking at two weeks off work… Hopefully time enough to land a new job – there are two that are mine (90%). But things can go wrong. If they do… Then I totally fucked up.

Fucking hell… I’m going to have a glass of wine (or three) and watch some TV.

Remember that there are people who love you and be kind to yourself when explosions of emotions swallow you.


7 Replies to “nothing new”

    1. Bi-polar was an idea a GP went with, but the final diagnosis is actually high functioning ADHD with slight autism.
      It should actually make the question in the post redundant. (Why and how and where the mood swings come from) But I guess when they were not there for a while, one forgets.
      As I said, it is looking upward again.

      I might adapt an old story into something new, actually. If I find the right rhythm and routine to write these next weeks.

      Liked by 1 person

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