honest truth…

I write about being released and someone else having control over me… That’s bullshit. Honestly. They can’t have control if I don’t give it to them willingly. The cage I am in is one I built for myself. They cannot not release me if they aren’t aware of their grip on me. They cannot give up their control if they don’t know how throughout it is. What was I thinking?! Where did this feeling of being trapped in something or by someone come from? I guess it comes from that place that doesn’t want responsibility. It comes from that place that doesn’t want to acknowledge that, ultimately, I am the one in control. I never lost control – well, apart from losing control over my emotions and my depression.

My entire writing of these last years seems to be based on an emotion that is a lie. Yes, most of my writing is fiction. But some of it is not. I don’t regret my words nor my actions. But wow… Can I be an overwhelming person. My apologies, if I overwhelmed you. I overwhelm myself all the time, too.

Fuck me… What a bunch of crap you can find on this site… some emotional stripteases too… and some very powerful pleas for something – anything. But is is my space. My place you are visiting. And I am allowed to take up a certain amount of space for myself

With lots of too heavy emotions,

Cathy