Tag: random

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randomness

Yesterday, I went to a wedding again. I think most of my friends, acquaintances and family members are married now. Apart from my younger sister, but she has time and no one needs to marry anyway – it’s a very personal decision after all.

It is nice to be at all these ceremonies. But it also makes me remember my own wedding and how much I would change it today. But times were different 17 years ago. And we were different too. I was 24 when I got married. Patrick was 29. But we already had our son, we had a house…

Anyway…

I think we were older when we were young.

It sounds weird, but I think now that our kids are all teenagers (14, 15, 19), we can be young again too. We had many responsibilities when we were young and they made us feel old or live an old life. Dynamics have changed lately. And that’s nice. We live like roommates right now. The teenagers do their own laundry and their own cleaning. Often (during the summer holidays) they also do their own cooking. And still. We have one meal a day together. If possible, all 5 of us. We laugh and talk a lot. We often have philosophical talks too during dinner. I like that. I like to hear their thoughts and their views on life and everything. And still, I am still their mom, they still come to me when something is not right and I still spoil them with one on one time. With 3 kids it is important that they can be on their own with a parent at times. It’s something we always did. Partly because they had and have different interests and needs, and partly because they deserve to be heard without their siblings present.

The wedding yesterday was very nice. And I felt very good too. That’s not always the case at social gatherings. I often don’t fit. It was different yesterday. It started with the fact that I had a good morning. My best friend helped choose my dress (via pictures). And from there, everything fell into place. My hair was easy to style. I simply put it up and the right curls fell out. It was not planned like that, I actually just put the hair in a clip when I applied my makeup. But it looked good and I kept it that way. The dress looked beautiful on me too. In my day to day life, I only wear black. I like it that way. And have for many years. But you don’t wear black to a wedding. And so, over the years, I assembled a collection of more colourful dresses. Yesterday, I had 3 to choose from. All of them had never been worn before. One was white with purple patterns all over. Very flowy and airy. One was teal. The cloth is like a tshirt made of jersey, and it was a very simple dress too. The last one was orange at the top and had a colour gradient that turns into dark blue. Flowy and airy too.

My best friend suggested that one. It was also the one I had in mind, even though I was worried it would be too flashy. After all, when I tried it on for the first time and Patrick saw it, he said I looked like a fluorescent text marker. So… I was dressed in my orange dress, with a very colourful little clutch. Blue watch (Bering) on the right wrist, my bracelet that I always wear on the left. Flat black sandals and blue nail polish. I looked good. And I felt confident too. I think it showed.

My eyes are closed in the photo, but apparently my smile makes up for that – that’s what I’ve been told. And yes, the dress really empathizes my chest.

I completely lost the plot here… I have no idea what I wanted to write and communicate in the first place.

I am 41 one now. I have the same life I had when I was 30, except that I am working now. I still have the same interests (music, writing, movies). But I also think that I am more settled now. A bit more confident in myself. A bit less moody. A bit more content. And maybe that comes with age.

A couple years back (2 years, actually) I felt old and all wrong. Because of my (on-going) shoulder issues, I had changed jobs in quick succession which made me feel like a failure in many ways. I was unsure which way to go and how to go on. Then I started a job that I needed to finally find closure. It’s there that I understood that my age and the many jobs I had were assets. Experience is an asset. And my entire outlook changed. 1 year ago I dared to take my current job as a preschool teacher. And I love it. Every moment of it (apart from the long long summer holidays – they make me restless).

Living means evolving. It means embracing change. It also means embracing the past, because everything happens for a reason, and every step we take leads us somewhere. We might not always like where we are. We might fight it. But in the end, we always learn from situations and experiences. We grow. And isn’t that a gift?!

I think, I need to be more grateful for everything I have. I tend to forget from time to time that I have a rather comfortable life.

Have a great Sunday ☀️

I will do what I often do. Reading, listening to music, texting back and forth with the people I love, and reminding myself to keep breathing.

(PS: today I am wearing black again)

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remembering August – a throwback post

I am up early today. I already cleaned the kitchen, put in a load of laundry, and had a cup of coffee outside. I am on my second cup now. Quite mundane.

This morning, I got a notification telling me that there is a new subscriber on the blog, yesterday I received the same notification. I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you both.

It also gave me the idea to browse the blog and share what I have been up to in the last decade on here. Decade? Yes, it’s going to be 12 years on this journey and there are no signs of stopping.

Okay, so what has happend on or around an August 23rd on this blog since 2012? Here goes:

2012 : nothing. The blog’s birthday is in December 🙂

2013:

don’t let me die

2014:

frozen heart

2015:

Fragmented Thoughts

2016:

Callous Whispers

2017:

Throwback
This one is like inception: a post in a post in a post. It’s nice though, very much in the gist of what I am writing currently

2018:

drunken poetry

2019:

2020:

Sunday Scribbles #15 – mirrors

2021:

untitled_20210824

2022:

A modern vesper

2023:

Lost in space

What strikes me most is that I really wrote a lot of poetry and always seem to have. To be honest, I thought the poetry was a more recent thing and didn’t go back all the way. There is a lot of music too. August 22 was a month of music. And so many posts. So many words. And most are mine. It’s incredible. While putting this post together, I felt embarrassed by the words I read. And I was ready to change this post and make it something different. No one would have known, right? Well halfway through the embarrassment changed into something close to pride. I say close to pride because I am having troubles feeling that emotion. I was not raised to see my successes, I was raised to see my failures and dwell on them.

Be it as it may, above are (let me count again) 11 posts. I’d say they are worth getting some attention, but who am I to judge? The coffee is kicking in.

Did any of these posts stand out for you? Which one? I know it is a lot of work to read through them all, but let me assure you, there are less words in all the 11 posts combined than in this post here. The comments are open everywhere. Don’t hesitate to share your thoughts.

While I am writing this, I am also listening to music. (The moment I stop listening to music, something is very wrong). Oddly enough, the song is from the same band and the same album as the song from the 2022 post. Her Name is Calla – Animal Choir. Trusted readers know my story with this band extends way past the music.

Thank you very much for being there. It matters. You may think it doesn’t and that no one even notices that you are there. But I know and I see you.

If you want to know more about me or where to find me online or offline, take a look at this post:

about me
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reaching for the stars

With fervent heart and yearning soul,
I gaze upon the heavens above,
Captivated by their radiant whole,
Drawn to the stars I so deeply love.

No limits shall hold me back,
No doubts shall cloud my vision true,
For I am driven, I will not lack,
The courage to reach for the stars anew.

These celestial wonders, they beckon me,
Igniting a fire within my breast,
To soar beyond the earthly sea,
And claim my place among the best.

I’ll climb the heights, defy the odds,
Undaunted by the challenges that loom,
For I am destined to touch the gods,
And bask in the stars’ eternal bloom.

So let the world watch and behold,
As I ascend to realms unknown,
For the stars, they shall soon unfold,
The dreams that in my heart have grown.

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The above photo inspired this very spontaneous poem. I took that picture with my phone (moto g72) tonight. I didn’t know it could do that and I am absolutely amazed and blown away. Once I figured out about how to change the long exposure, I activated the self timer and put the phone on a table. This is the result. I am sure your phone can do the same (and maybe even better). I will explore more in the coming days.

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emerald embrace

Your eyes, like verdant pools,
Captivate and ensnare my gaze.
I'm drawn to their alluring depths,
Mesmerized by their gentle blaze.
Yet, I hesitate to dive too deep,
Fearing my love may not be enough.
How can I possibly give you all
When my heart feels so raw and rough?
Your touch, like summer's warm caress,
Ignites a fire within my soul.
But what if I cannot fully give?
Leaving your heart left incomplete and cold?
Oh, my love with eyes of green,
How I wish I could be serene.
To love you with abandon, without doubt,
Is the greatest challenge I face, no question.
Still, I'll try to open my heart,
To let your light shine through.
For your love is worth the risk,
No matter what I may go through.
I long to drown in your emerald gaze,
To feel your strong arms enfold.
But what if I cannot match the blaze
That burns within your heart of gold?My insecurities whisper doubts,
Casting shadows on our love.
Yet, I see the truth in your eyes above -
A love so pure, it leaves me in awe.
So, I'll silence those nagging fears,
And let my heart take the lead.
With you, my love, I have no need
To hide behind my unshed tears.
For in your embrace, I am reborn,
My doubts and worries fade away.
Your green-eyed gaze, a beacon in the morn,
Guides me towards a brighter day.

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Drunk on you

I’m drunk on you, my love,
Intoxicated by your touch, your taste.
Your body, a delicious feast,
Drives me wild, makes me want to waste
Away in your embrace, your kiss.
I crave your skin against mine,
Your hands exploring, divine.
In this hazy, blissful state,
I only know one thing is true
-My heart, my soul, they long for you.
Your eyes, they smolder, hypnotize.
I’m helpless, captivated by your spell.
When you’re near, the world fades away,
And all that matters is this feeling swell
Inside me, growing, burning bright.
I need you, crave you, day and night.
My inhibitions fade with each sip,
And all I want is to feel your lips
On mine, your tongue dancing with mine.
To be consumed by your passion, your fire -That is my one and only desire.
So let me drown in you, my love,
Lose myself in your sensual embrace.
For in this inebriated haze,
You are all I see, the only trace
Of sanity that remains.
Take me, claim me, make me yours.
I’m helpless to resist your allures.

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Less than 2 days before the official release of Fire&Rain. So far, two copies have been pre-ordered through this very site and one via Amazon. How do you prefer to buy your books/music/art? Amazon? From the artist themselves?

I for one try to purchase as much of the art I consume from the artist. It’s not always possible and sometimes it is more expensive, but to be honest, I prefer to pay the creative mind… anyway… that said, my books are cheaper when purchased from me directly and there is always the possibility to buy a bundle for an adapted price. (For example, buy Fire&Rain, WORD THIEF, and Perfect Imperfection – they would be 45€ as stand alone, get the 3 of them together for 40€, shipping and handling included) ❤️

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exceeded all expectations

As a preschool teacher, I pour my heart and soul into the work I do every single day. The pure joy I get from watching my students grow and thrive is utterly unmatched. But when that deep dedication and passion is recognized by my school leaders in a tangible way, it fills me with an overwhelming sense of pride and validation.

That’s exactly what happened today when I received a glowing performance review that was customized just for me. Instead of a generic, one-size-fits-all assessment, this report was crafted with intentionality, drawing on specific details about my work to paint a personalized picture of my exceptional contributions. And the crowning achievement? My review stated that I had “exceeded all expectations” – the highest possible grade.

My heart swelled with emotion as I heard those words. This was no generic review – it was a true testament to the invaluable impact I have on my preschool community. My director clearly sees me as an asset worthy of the highest praise.

Receiving such personalized and heartfelt recognition feels incredibly affirming. Even more so because he is know to use prewritten tools to evaluate his staff. This is a reminder that the hard work, passion, and purpose I pour into my classroom does not go unnoticed. My school leaders are paying attention, and they understand the true value I bring to my students, families, and colleagues. Maybe this sounds conceited, but I do believe that my work is valuable.

This is the kind of performance review that will fuel me to keep reaching new heights in my career. It’s a reminder of my worth and expertise. And it’s a shining example of how school administrators can make their teachers feel truly seen, heard, and celebrated. Unfortunately, we know that they don’t do this often enough.

Still, I’m honored by this well-deserved achievement. My hard work and dedication have been elevated in a meaningful way. I’ll keep shining bright – I love my job.

Exceeded all expectations (or originally: dépasse les attentes). It’s unbelievable, but it is also an accomplishment that makes me very proud.

Now that I finally reached this goal, the next milestone is waiting around the bend: the launch of Fire & Rain.

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burning embers of our soils

When our eyes first met,
Time seemed to stand still.
An electric current surged through me,
Igniting a spark that could not be stilled.

In your gaze, I saw reflections of myself -
Fragments of a soul I thought I'd never find.
An inexplicable bond, a cosmic alignment,
Entwining our hearts and minds.

We are two halves of a whole,
Kindred spirits, destined to be.

A connection that transcends this plane,
A twin flame, eternally.
No words can capture the depth of this love,
This union so divine.

Our souls intertwined, a dance,
A love that is timeless, ever-sublime.
In your arms, I am home,
A sanctuary of warmth and light.

Our bond, a lighthouse in the stormy seas,
Guiding us through the darkest of night.
Though the world may not understand,
What burns between us, this holy fire -

We know the truth that lies in our hearts,
A love that will live forevermore.
This love, a sacred, eternal blaze,
Ignited by a single, fated gaze.

A bond that transcends time and space,
A twin flame, our souls forever embrace.
In this embrace, we find our way,
Through the shadows, into the light of day.

A love that will never fade or die,
Our bond, eternal, until we cease to be.
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reflections in broken mirrors

Shards of glass, once a mirror's face,
Reflect a broken, fragmented trace.
Each shard a window to the past,
Memories etched, forever cast.

I gaze upon these jagged pieces,
Wondering what each one releases.
A smile, a tear, a moment shared,
All captured, in these shards impaired.

The mirror's cracks reveal the truth,
That life is not a perfect proof.
It's a journey filled with highs and lows,
Where light and shadow are always in the know.

Yet in these broken, scattered parts,
I find a story that imparts.
A life that is painted in its richest hues,
If we look closely at the cracks we see a new view.

This mirror, once whole and pristine,
Now a reflection of what has been.
A reminder that even in the breaks,
Beauty and meaning still awakes.

The cracks reveal the truth within,
The scars that mark the path I've been
A first step, at last the journey's start,
A mirror of the human heart.

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this poem was inspired by two things: my cousin with whom I had dinner tonight. Despite every obstacle she encountered in her life, she turned out to be an amazing woman. I love her very much.

and the other part of the inspiration came from this picture:

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Quiet weekend ahead

I love my life and I love my job as a teacher. But, I am tired and I am looking forward to the next week when there is no work (no school for the kids). My husband and my youngest daughter will spend a long weekend abroad. They are both playing in a band (trombone and flute) and they will visit a musical with the band. I will stay home with my daughter and son. But to be honest, they are like ninjas and hardly noticeable unless it is time for food. (Maybe they are more like vampires?) I love them dearly. It will be a quiet couple of days. Nights will be different here too, I am almost certain that I won’t sleep much. I will miss the breath and other noises of my husband makes every night next to me. When he was on the road more, mixing gigs for a local band, I never was able to fall asleep, until I heard his key in the door lock. That was all it took, really. But it was that little moment that made me relax enough. I love that man a lot, even when I am moody or irritated. (Which happens more again)

Anyway… Enjoy a couple of quiet days, I know I will.

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random – 216 words – reading time: 1 minute

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from darkness to dawn

I’ve been writing every day. More words. More thoughts. More. And then it stopped. Because I stopped. Because I got bored of what I was doing. The moon is rising, it is but a faint silhouette on the firmament. As if it already vanished. As if all its light had already shone and there is nothing left. We know the feeling, don’t we? When we are tired and exhausted. So tired that no thought makes sense and every word in my minds is a resounding question. It’s like being trapped in a maze of confusion, with no clear path to guide me. The overwhelming weight of uncertainty bears down on me, leaving me feeling adrift in a sea of indecision. Every step forward feels like wading through quicksand, each movement requiring immense effort with no guarantee of progress. The shadows will eventually give way to light, I am sure. As my head hits the pillow, I forget everything I remember. At dawn, I gather my thoughts like scattered fragments of a dream, piecing them together to write another chapter baring my innermost desires.

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fiction – 183 words – reading time: 1 minute

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embracing solitude

The peaceful stillness fills the air, wrapping the surroundings in a serene embrace. It’s as if time itself has come to a standstill, allowing the beauty of the moment to unfold in all its splendor. Each breath is a gentle reminder of the tranquillity that pervades every inch of this ethereal space. The leaves, carried by the whispers of the wind, dance in a graceful rhythm, a silent symphony that resonates through the heart. The river flows with purpose, each ripple a testament to the unyielding force of nature, yet in this tranquil setting, it feels like a soothing lullaby, guiding the weary soul to a place of rest.

In this serene sanctuary, there is no need for company, no yearning for voices to fill the silence. The solitude is a source of pure bliss, an opportunity to revel in the quiet magnificence of the world. It is a moment of pure reprieve, where the weight of responsibility is lifted, and the spirit is free to wander unhurried through the beauty of the stillness.

As the world pauses for me, time becomes an afterthought, and the essence of life reveals itself in the simplest of forms. There are no roles to play, no deadlines to meet, just the gentle unfolding of moments, each one a precious gift to be cherished. The pace of life slows to a gentle rhythm, allowing every experience to be savoured, every sensation to be felt, until the new day dawns, bringing with it the promise of new beginnings and the continuation of the journey.

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fiction – 260 words – reading time: 1 minute

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Up on a hill

I once stood on a hill, enjoying the view. I inhaled the crisp and pristine air and exhaled my sorrows and troubles. The gentle breeze caressed my face as I gazed at the breath-taking landscape stretching out before me. The distant mountains stood like silent sentinels, and the sun cast a warm glow over the entire scene, painting the world in soft hues of pink and gold. In that moment, I felt a profound sense of peace and serenity wash over me, as if the essence of nature was consoling me and bringing solace to my troubled heart. It was a moment of tranquillity, a respite from the chaotic rhythm of everyday life, and I revelled in the simple beauty of the world around me.

In the blink of an eye, this moment was gone, and I had to descend into the gruesome black and grey of reality. Raging wars on every corner of the world, ugliness taking over. It’s as if our existence is adorned with the scars of conflict and despair, woven into our lives. The relentless turbulence of violence and hostility rips through the delicate balance of peace, leaving chaos and heartache in its wake. Yet, amidst the darkness, rays of hope and resilience pierce through, whispering tales of courage and the unyielding human spirit. Every act of kindness, every endeavour for understanding, and every glimmer of compassion becomes a beacon of light, pushing back against the engulfing shadows.

In those moments, we find the strength to continue, to push through the difficulties, and to believe that there are brighter days ahead. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain, to let it flow through us, and to emerge on the other side with newfound resilience. As we journey on, we carry with us the wisdom gained from our experiences, and we learn to embrace both the light and the shadows, for they shape our existence and make us who we are. In the warmth of the sun, amidst the ebb and flow of emotions, we find the courage to seek out love, to seek out understanding, and to carry on with unwavering determination.

Maybe we are all crazy for trying, crazy for persisting in these times where negativity seems to be all the rage back home. It would be easier to give in and let our flowers wilt in this scorching heat, but easy is not worth fighting for. We are not simply battling the outer forces, but also the internal struggles and doubts that threaten to diminish our resolve. It’s in these moments that we find strength in our vulnerability, and the courage to endure the challenges that come our way. Every small victory becomes a testament to our dedication, propelling us forward in the face of adversity. So let us embrace our ‘craziness’ and continue to strive, for it is in this tenacity that we find purpose and worth.

I admit, I am tired. Exhausted. Gasping for breath. But I want to get up on that hill I once knew. I want to enjoy that view once more, inhale the freedom to be myself. I want to raise my arms, stretch my fingers and touch the clouds. Because I am still here. And you are too. Whether we are walking through the valleys of life or standing on the hills, embrace it. Because just as silently as an eyelash drifts to the ground, as silently our lives can change.

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musings – 573 words – reading time: 3 minutes

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Intelligence

is intelligence inherent or is it something one can learn? Can intelligence be taught or is it something that comes natural. Is intelligence an insult or a compliment?

In the last days I’ve been called intelligent several times. Does that mean I was stupid before? Did I hide my intelligence? Did I get more intelligent?

All those questions are asked without taking it all too serious. I am sure there is an answer to it all somewhere, but it might be too scientific and over my head.

I was wondering though, in earnest, if intelligence has to do with age. As one gets older, they experience more, are exposed to more information, and probably (hopefully) learn to differentiate between facts and fiction; truths and lies.

And the more I think about it, I think – and that’s my own personal opinion, I think being curious about life, the world, and everything that happens improves intelligence too. Reading up to find answers to your questions. Searching for information to understand what you don’t understand.

In my case, I mentioned above that I was called intelligent for different reasons: once for mostly reading in English and German with neither being my native language. But, here in Luxembourg, most people grow up with at least three languages, some even with five. It’s normal here to speak and read in several languages. Not everyone is confident, comfortable or fluent in all of them, but the basis knowledge is there anyway.

Secondly, I voiced my opinions about national politics and tax changes that will be set in motion in January. If I share my opinions about politics, I add facts and explain how I came to my conclusions. Politics and religions are topics that always potentially lead to arguments. I often avoid sharing my thoughts and just listen to those conversations, but I am also a grown-up who is affected by what is happening in our country (and in the world too). I can’t always be silent. But, I think before I speak. Not always. Often enough though.

Third time I was called intelligent, I think they misused the word. We were talking about music and I had a lot to say, many facts, many songs I know, stuff like that. For me, that’s nothing to do with intelligence. It’s something I like. If I liked paintings, I would surly know about the painters and their biographies too.

I had a couple of very nice days recently, spending them with people I like and love, laughing until our cheeks hurt. Last night for example, I spent at a Christmas dinner with my ex-co-workers. I was invited spontaneously, and I admit, usually I would have found an excuse to not go, but I liked the team and my bosses. It felt right to go there. And we had a lot of fun. I am glad I went. My best friend put it like this: you are liked. And I felt liked for sure. I mean, they did not have to invite me, but they did. For me, it’s kind of a big deal because I never felt very included anywhere. I don’t have many friends (mainly that’s okay right now). I have many acquaintances, and sometimes I get the feeling they would want to be friends, but I keep them at arm’s length anyway.

Stop! This is not what I wanted to write about when I started this post.

The next three posts will be parts of the story. They are scheduled (like all the other chapters that were posted before and will be posted until January). You’re still the one is the same way I left it in 2015. I should have at least edited the chapters to get rid of cringeworthy grammar and spelling, but I didn’t. It’s the authentic first draft of that story.

Read you soon…

Oh and I would love to hear your thoughts about intelligence. Sound off in the comments!

PS: this is the 100 post in a row… it was a personal goal I wanted to reach, so I am a bit proud that I managed to keep the streak alive.

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There you are

There you are, my friend. I almost missed you. Almost. But not really. I was afraid that you would be back and cover me with your grey veil. And I was right. You can never leave me. We belong together; you and me. I knew you’d be back, that’s why I enjoyed every day without you. I made the best of my carefree days. But I feel your pull. It’s strong. I cannot say if it is stronger or weaker than it used to be… But that’s not important. I am too tired to fight you. I am too tired to play hide and seek with you. At the same time, I am also determined to not be submissive and accept the way you want to take my power away from me.

I know, people will say that it’s the change of seasons. It’s the rain. The clouds. The time off work. They will roll their eyes and say: she’s at it again. Whatever they can find to put the blame on. But you are not SAD. You are my disability. You are what paralyses me and makes it hard to get out of bed. You are what makes me forget my personal hygiene because brushing my teeth takes too much energy from me. You are what makes me eye knives and cutters and remember the ways I used to hurt myself to cope with the feelings you imposed on me.

It’s hard to understand ADD and it is very hard to explain it to people as it is different for everyone affected. But the ADD is part of your charm, isn’t it?? It is part of why you come back again and again. Even if I don’t want you here. I don’t want to be miserable. I don’t want to be in pain. I don’t want to hurt myself.

It’s cold here, and the emotions in my belly are threatening to leave through my eyes. Never through my mouth. There is no voice in me when you are there. There are no words. Only silence. And it is the loudest scream you’ll never hear.

What can I do to escape you? Where can I hide when I know that you will always find me. I cannot run away from you. You are my cage. I love you, set me free.

There is nothing I can do. If I’ve learnt anything it is that I need to let you happen to me. I need to allow your presents and your presence and make the best of it. And when you are here, clinging to my skin, like a parasite to my thoughts, I need to take care of my self. Because no one else can. It’s all in me. I can shower myself in kindness. I can be nice to myself and go easy on me. I am sure I can do it once you decide to leave again. And I know, even though right now the grey is threatening to turn into black – a black hole, I know that there is a sunrise to watch tomorrow. There is new music to hear. There are reasons to laugh out loud. But not tonight. Not when your grip on me is so tight. Not when I am dreading the dreams and nightmares you bring at night.

I’ll fight a silent battle until I am back to who I am. A shining star in my own right. In my own write. Most people won’t even notice that you are visiting once again. My mask is in place. If they can’t see it, it is not there. I am not there.

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Song of the night

Johannes Oerding – anfassen

From the album called “Konturen”. (2019, Columbia Records)

The lyrics to this song are very touching and valid.

German original:

Wir wissen alles überall
Doch viel zu wenig über uns
Und dieses Bisschen wird dann noch geteilt
Was einmal echt war, ist jetzt kalt
Heute künstlich, früher Kunst
Weil Grenzen nicht bemerkt, geht oft zu weit

Wir haben tausende von Freunden
Doch Haben sie jedoch noch nie geseh’n
Viel zu grell blendet der bunte Schein
Wir haben tausende von Träumen
Doch verlieren das echte Leben
Es zerfällt zu Staub aus Nullen und Einsen

Ich brauche was zum Anfassen
Dann kann ich wieder loslassen
Ich will mich nicht mehr anpassen
Ich will mein Leben wieder selbst in meiner Hand haben
Wenn wir ertrinken mehr und mehr, in diesem kalten, lichter Meer
Wenn überall über alles geht
Ist der Moment nichts mehr wert

Falsche Richtung Schritt für Schritt
Bis die nächste Welle bricht
Keine Zeit um noch mal Luft zu holen
Wir entfernen uns Klick für Klick
Von dem was eigentlich wirklich ist
Schwimmen wir gegen oder mit dem Strom

Wir haben tausende von Träumen
Doch verlieren das echte Leben
Wir verlaufen uns im Smog und Nebel

Ich brauche was zum Anfassen
Dann kann ich wieder loslassen
Ich will mich nicht mehr anpassen
Ich will mein Leben wieder selbst in meiner Hand haben
Wenn wir ertrinken mehr und mehr, in diesem kalten, lichter Meer
Wenn überall über alles geht
Ist der Moment nichts mehr wert

Und wie oft habe ich schon gedacht
Wie oft haben wir uns verpasst
Weil unsere Welt zu laut blinkt
Man kann viel klarer hören und sehen
Viel besser fühlen und verstehen
Komm lass mal wieder ein Bisschen reden
Und die Köpfe wieder hochnehmen

Ich brauche was zum Anfassen
Dann kann ich wieder loslassen
Ich will mich nicht mehr anpassen
Ich will mein Leben wieder selbst in meiner Hand haben
Wenn wir ertrinken mehr und mehr, in diesem kalten, lichter Meer
Wenn überall über alles geht
Ist der Moment nichts mehr were

English translation:

We know everything everywhere
But far too little about us
And that little bit is then shared
What was once real is now cold
Artificial today, art in the past
Because limits are not noticed, often goes too far

We have thousands of friends
But have never seen them before
The colorful glow is far too bright
We have thousands of dreams
Yet lose real life
It disintegrates into dust of zeros and ones

I need something to touch
Then I can let go again
I don’t want to adjust anymore
I want to have my life in my own hands again
If we drown more and more, in this cold, clear sea
When everything goes above and beyond
The moment is no longer worth anything

Wrong direction step by step
Until the next wave breaks
No time to breathe again
We move away click by click
Of what actually is
Let’s swim against or with the current

We have thousands of dreams
Yet lose real life
We get lost in smog and fog

I need something to touch
Then I can let go again
I don’t want to adjust anymore
I want to have my life in my own hands again
If we drown more and more, in this cold, clear sea
When everything goes above and beyond
The moment is no longer worth anything

And how often have I thought
How many times have we missed each other
Because our world is blinking too loud
You can hear and see much more clearly
Feel and understand much better
Come on, let’s talk a little more
And put your heads up again

I need something to touch
Then I can let go again
I don’t want to adjust anymore
I want to have my life in my own hands again
If we drown more and more, in this cold, clear sea
When everything goes above and beyond
The moment is no longer worth anything

This is google translate but I was not calm and focussed enough tonight to give a proper translation.

Change is coming, but as of this moment, I am not allowed to share more information.

But the books… The support is overwhelming; the sales not impressive at all. But… I’ll keep on keeping on. There are fire and passion in me, and everything will be okay. There was another anxiety attack today, after some calm and quiet weeks.

In other news… I celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary last Monday. I am longing for a lot of love, but the truth is, over 20 years ago I met my best friend and married him. Maybe we are not the most conservative and regular couple, but we love each other. Phew…

Love me.