I am the moon, but you are counting stars
I am always there, but you are chasing cars
Maybe I am not beautiful
Enough
Maybe I am not wise
Enough
Maybe I don’t fight
Enough
Maybe I am not young
Enough
Maybe I will never be
Enough
I am a book, but you only see one sentence
I am in your dreams, but they are forgotten at dawn
Maybe I am not important
Enough
Maybe I am not thin
Enough
Maybe I am not rich
Enough
Maybe I don’t love
Enough
Maybe I am never
Enough
I am a rainbow, but your world is in monochrome
I am real, but you prefer fiction
Maybe I am not pure
Enough
Maybe I am not innocent
Enough
Maybe I am not weak
Enough
Maybe I don’t sleep
Enough
Maybe I don’t see
Enough
Open your eyes and look at me
I am the rain that feeds the earth
I am the inspiration for your art
I am the caress during lonely nights
I am in you, hidden in your mind
Open your eyes and look at me
Maybe someday I am
Enough
Maybe I already am
Enough
Maybe I was always
Enough
Maybe, I’ve had
Enough
Maybe, finally
Enough
I woke up, we all do.
For the first time in a long while, I slept through the night. I didn’t wake up as rested as I would have liked, but I felt happy – lighter than I usually do. Maybe it’s because I spoke a lot about my family yesterday. I don’t know. And I don’t want to overthink. Here is a list, I wrote spontaneously, with things that make me happy. Would you do me a favour? In the comments, share one or more things that make you happy. Let’s spread some positivity.
- Sunrise
- Standing in the blowing wind
- The smell of rain
- A dish that turned out particularly well
- Receiving mail – personal mail (emails too)
- Looking at my books and flipping through them
- Listening to music, singing and dancing along
- A good book – with a story that is gripping
- A memory that was almost forgotten and puts a smile on my face
- Seeing myself through the eyes of others
- Sleeping through the night without interruption
- Seeing people I like being happy
- Being good at my job
- Hearing a song that touches the right spaces inside of me for the first time
- Driving with the windows down
- Seeing plants grow
- Rainbows and soap bubbles
- A long bath
- Feeling loved
- That look in the eyes of my kids – between awe and she’s crazy
- Cloud watching
- Waking up and writing a list of things that make me happy…
Now it’s your turn… What makes you happy or feel light.
Wednesday 3
This spoke to me because I am ready to leap. I waited for a long while, but I think, if I can muster the courage and maybe have a little final shove, then change is near. It is about time I act and brush away my self-doubt.
1. I almost finalised my novel. The format and ISBN are sorted, I just need to revise one last time to get rid of the pesky spelling errors that fly under the spellchecking radar
2. I made pizza from scratch, yummy
3. I rediscovered how much fun writing can be. I am a good writer. I really am.
4. Chatted with an old acquaintance
5. Was asked about my opinion on a new track by a musician who follows me on Twitter. I was honest and kind.
6. I accepted something to come to its end, even though I would have preferred it to continue.
7. I am struggling a lot with myself these days, but I will get there. If I could only allow myself the same kindness and care I offer freely to others.
8. Music. Braver and Stronger was my song of the day (see post). Song of the night:
Glen Hansard – Leave. From the motion picture “Once”. There is so much emotion in that song. I like Glen’s music a lot. I saw him live once and it was the first time I shed a tear at a live gig. He played this song:
Bird of sorrow from the album Rhythm & Repose (2012)
9. It is okay to fail. It is okay to have flaws. It is okay to show emotions (not only write about them…)
10. Goodnight. xx
Throwback – it’s the little things
- Crying during a movie
- A song that turns back time and carries you to one specific moment
- A book you can’t set down
- Tea that has the right temperature
- The sun shining through trees
- A formation of clouds
- A rainbow
- Thunder and lightning
- A right pressure on the spot where your back hurts most
- A child saying your name
- A child giving you a hug
- Birthday wishes from people you thought had forgotten about you
- An evening with friends
- Hugs (but hugs aren’t a little thing)
- A song on the radio that you like
- Your child singing along to your favourite song
- An entire paragraph that was written without a typo
- Writing the first words after having felt uninspired for a long time
- Not setting the alarm
- Empty plates
- A decent parking spot
- One last chewing gum when you thought there weren’t any left
- A smile from a stranger
- Giving a busker some money and the gratitude in their eyes when you offer to buy them something warm to drink
- Old pictures
- New songs
- The smell of my pillow
- Clothes that are still warm from the tumble dryer
- Smooth skin
- Even numbers (grocery shopping, gas pump)
- The scent of my favourite perfume
- When the hurt goes away
- Being aware of life’s beauty
- Not forgetting life’s challenges
- Sleep
- Lists
- Realising that many little things make some big things
- A kiss
- A good dream
- Serenity
- Thinking without succumbing to melancholy
- An old voice message that still makes you smile
- A memory
- Knowing that everything will be alright (even if it doesn’t look that way)
- Being present (are you there?)
- The clock that says 23:09 or 08:02
- Sunrise
- Not feeling regrets
- Remembering a friend who has passed away
- Thinking of people who changed our lives (I am thinking about you daily lately – are you there?)
- Notifications
- Stars
- I am what I am
- The wind in my hair
- The soundtrack of my life
- The perfect shade of your favourite colour (raspberry or aubergine)
- A picture that touches you
- A song that pulls at all the right strings
- Being understood without the need to explain everything in detail
- A life in pictures that were never taken
- Everything and more
- …
Affirmation 2018
I am who I am because I fought to become this version of myself. My opinions are often not very popular, and my way of viewing people and life is a bit peculiar. But I – like you and everyone reading this and not – I am made of every choice, every thought, every emotion I ever experienced. I am who I am because no one is like me. I am unique. I am awesome. To some I am beautiful. I have flaws, and that’s okay. I am talented in my own style. I am not perfect, and sometimes, I am selfish, but… I am me and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be seen. I deserve to be here. I am who I am. I am Cathy.
reflections of an unquiet mind 