love and a green car

Patrick and I have been together for twenty-five years. That is a long time. Long enough for the loud moments to fade and the quiet ones to matter more. I know I am not always the easiest person to be around. I come with moods, with layers, with moments of withdrawal and intensity. And still, he stays. Not because he has to. Because he wants to.

Today, I received my new car. A small green Renault R5 E-Tech that feels entirely mine. It makes me happy in a way I did not expect. A bit like a child, really. Giddy. And while it is technically my car, this story is not about me. It is about him.

To make space for this new joy, Patrick had to let go of his beloved car. An old VW Golf BlueMotion from 2008. That car was almost like a birthday gift to him back then, though it came during a bittersweet moment in our lives. Just one month after it became part of our family, we were hit with a wave of deep contradiction. His mother passed away two days before our daughter Giulia was born. Happiness and sadness, side by side. That car witnessed it all. School runs. Holidays. Countless everyday drives that somehow became memories. It had started to fall apart in small ways, but it still carried the weight of all those years. I almost cried when I got out of it for the last time. And I know he felt it too. He did not say much, but he rarely does. He just quietly let it go.

This afternoon, he sat beside me as I drove the new car. Patiently. Whenever I asked if he wanted to drive, he shook his head and smiled. He wanted me to enjoy this first ride. To feel what it means to have something just for myself. He did not say that, but I know.

That is who he is. He gives in quiet ways. He does not talk much about himself or his feelings, but I hope he knows that I see him. I see the effort, the support, the love. I tell him often that I love him, and I mean it with every part of me. Still, sometimes I wonder if he truly believes me.

This year brought something new. Time apart. Not because of problems, but because Patrick started studying again. He travels to take exams and tests. Something he chose not for us, but for himself. And I am proud of him for that. I am happy he is doing this for him. I want my big gentle giant to feel fulfilled. To grow in the ways he chooses. I want him to be happy.

Even after all these years, I still get lost in his green eyes. The most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

My favourite moments are never the grand ones. They are quiet. Sitting on the couch, my head resting on his belly while we watch a show. Our weekly dinner dates, where we talk about everything and everyone. We never run out of things to say. Even when I feel tired and tempted to cancel, those evenings become the highlight of my week.

Love, after all these years, looks a little like that. A car ride. A shared meal. A silent understanding. A quiet kind of love that stays.

In August, we will have been married for eighteen years. Another milestone. Another quiet celebration of a love that has lasted, changed, and deepened over time. I look forward to many more years with him. Growing older, side by side, still choosing each other every single day.