Approachable

There it is, the moment I have been waiting for. It’s not exactly that there are no words but the words all feel as if I have used them too many times. Overused. And that in turn makes me feel overused. As if I give myself more credit than I deserve. Classic imposter syndrome. I know that I have “a way with words”. I put that in quotes because a friend of mine keeps saying that. I know words and I am not afraid to use them. But right now I wonder if they are interesting enough. Apparently, I come across as deeply introspective, attuned to my emotions, empathetic, and unapproachable. Those are things I heard in recent times.  (Unapproachable is something I only hear online, never in my day to day life). I think it is because I am not sharing a lot about myself right now. I used to do more of that. I mean, I share intense things but nothing too private. It always stays on the surface, always at arm’s length. I am not sure if this makes sense, but it feels like it. And while I am writing this, I wonder if I shared more music (more songs I like), if that would make me seem more relatable and more approachable. As you can see, that word “unapproachable” it irks me. But I can’t deny that it may be true. I am a bit over the place, I guess. That last week was tough. I am on the mend, but some things stick to my soul like a stain I cannot wash off. And maybe it’s good to not be perfect, and let me assure you I am not perfect and don’t strive to be. What I want however, is leave something of me with you. I want to leave a trace with my words. I am not looking for fame or money. But acknowledgement would be nice. Oh, I know. I am whining and I could probably change things myself if I was less measured in my approach to social media and my engagement there. I am not sure what to do. Then again, I will probably do what I always do. I will keep writing and I will keep showering you with my words. It’s all I have. And some days, it is all that I am.

Thank you