Ex-friend

It’s Friday, October 27th. Today, when my shift is done at 4pm, I will have a week off work. To be honest, I don’t need the vacation time  yet, but school holidays are school holidays. And that means, I stay home. No need or reason to complain though. I am a very lucky girl indeed.

Yesterday, a special woman turned 41. She used to be my best friend. I still think about her often. But I am very aware that our friendship is over. She and I, we met way back in school. We were 15 at the time and we had nothing in common. She looked a bit like punk with her hair being stuck in every direction while I was more like a Goth. But somehow, we found common ground: music and movies. And we understood each other. She was my best friend and I really loved her. But I also took her for granted after a while. And still when I was in well and my depression started, I chose to find excuses instead of being honest and inevitably, one day, she snapped. Back then I did not understand because of me it came out of the blue, but in hindsight I now understand. She was and probably still is a very cool and unique woman. I am very grateful for everything we shared. But I am also confident that we are too different now and that we cannot be friends again.

So yeah, I thought about her a lot. I do it every year.  Is that weird? Probably. In this relationship, I made many mistakes. I take the blame.

Anyway… Today, I will see a children’s theater called Jump. A piece without speech. I admit, with my own kids, I never went to the theater. In my former jobs, it was never an option either, but now as a teacher I will see a theater piece every other month, and I am looking forward to it. I really love this job so far. I should have dared to make this move a lot earlier. But I always thought that I was not good enough or talented enough or whatever. With my education – a degree as an educator, finding a teaching job is very rare. And I got lucky. I am very aware of that. I am very aware that I only got this job because one person left in just the right time. Because there were 15 positions available and more than 120 applications. The job I got was the 16th position. A job that was not advertised yet. When I took the job, it was with the thought that I could leave for a job that was closer to home after a year, but to be honest, the distance is less of an obstacle than I thought. And right now, with the awesome team I am working with, I don’t want to leave or quit. I love it very much. I keep repeating myself. And I am afraid to jinx it, I admit. And yet…

You may notice that I talk a lot about my job. It is because it defines my daily life. My work and my kids are the most defining things for me. Maybe it is not what they call work-life-balance, but it is the way I like it.

Ah, soon, I will have to get up. This post will be scheduled for a couple of hours later… That means, I wrote this post today, scheduled it for a later hour, and slept for a couple of hours.

(For now, I get up every morning at 5 to be at work at 7.10am. And every day apart from Fridays, I am done with work at 11.45. With exceptions (teachings and team meetings).

As I said, I will be off work for a week now. I am looking forward to sleeping in, hehe

On that note, good night and good morning.