No title

It’s so weird, there are not enough words right now. None actually. Which is so very unusual for me. But it is also weirdly okay.

It means that I am more or less content in my life. I aged a lot recently. But that’s okay too. I am 40. I am not a young girl anymore. That too is okay. My ass is not as tight anymore and my boobs are not as tight anymore… And that’s okay too. My eyes are still expressive, my mind is still sharp.

There are things that haven’t changed since 2020. Shoulder pains? Back again. Starting a new job in September? Yes that has been an issue for years now. 4 changes in 2 years? It’s shameful. But it is what it is. And Fernweh? Yeah, that’s present too.

Tonight I saw a post of a man I used to know on IG. I see his posts sometimes but don’t seek them out anymore. Still… It brought back this or that memory and made me smile fondly.

Most friendships are not made to be forever. And let’s add that I am very bad at keeping a friendship intact. It’s very hard for me. Because I have an innate weirdness due to my ADHD. The ADHD is a condition that is a big part of my life. It’s not medicated because I refuse to take the meds. Yeah, so I live with this day in and day out and only share it with very few people. I should do it more often, but it always feels… I don’t know.

So anyway… The guy posted an album – he is a music blogger or music lover on IG… And I noticed that I was listening to an album he shared first with me and that I was wearing the same clothes I did when we met all those years ago. Fond memories indeed.

All this aside, I haven’t written anything of substance in a while. I am almost happy in my life and I am looking forward to all the challenges ahead.

Fucking hell! I’ve got a teaching job?! It’s still surreal because 4 weeks ago, none of this was even planned and now I only have 7 shifts ahead at the current job. Very unreal.

I am not very social these days, no chatting with people online apart from you and you… And if I am honest, it feels a bit lonely. I am invisible. Sometimes it is good. Sometimes I want to scream and shout to be seen. I guess we all feel that way.

Where was I? There are no poems in me. No meaningful words asking to leave my fingers. Just silence. A very loud and annoying silence.

RLS is keeping me awake at night. But that’s okay too… I miss working night shifts… It’s true though. I wouldn’t have thought that I would…

Okay… So this is taking a weird turn…

All good

G’night