Who’s that girl?

I was not a happy child — neither my eyes nor my mouth smile here. The picture was taken on a day trip with school. I must have been 7 or 8 years old. It must be one of the only pictures of me where I am wearing earrings. My father went with me and my sister to get the ears pierced. I can’t remember it well, but soon after, I developed the worst allergic reaction on my earlobes and ever since no one is allowed to touch my ears. I can’t stand anyone whispering in my ears; I even flinch when doctors touch them.

I look at myself in this picture and want to hug the child. I want to tell her that someone is there for her and loves her unconditionally. I want to say to her that the worst is yet to come, but she will survive that too. I want her to know that it is okay to be afraid and to cry. And I want to tell her that she can speak with others, they will not laugh at her.

Recently, we had a school reunion. A WhatsApp group was created, and pictures were sent back and forth. And I was taken aback with how sad and lonely I looked on most pictures. It makes me wonder all the more why nobody helped this poor innocent child. Look at her. She could have been someone else entirely, with a little love and support.

I am not saying that the girl grew up to be nothing or no one. But I would be more confident, maybe even less conflicted if things had been different.

Considering the emotional blackmail and the psychological abuse I suffered as a child, I turned out to be a remarkable human being.

Comparing both pictures, it is hard to believe that the child and the woman are the same… The child is still inside. Silently wishing everything would be alright. Hoping that if she pleases everyone around her, and if she does whatever they ask of her, they will show how that they love her and are proud of her.

I am proud of the little one. She may be weak once in a while, be she is also a fighter. She was on the verge of giving up multiple times, but she never did. The child grew up the be a free spirit. Intelligent, sensual, beautiful inside and out, and much more.

I wish you a great weekend.

Tell someone you love them…

💜