When does this neediness stop?

​So, this is Christmas and I miss you, again. I know you are alone and I am not, but I cannot get you out of my mind. How I wish you would call and say all the things you used to say. I would get in touch but you asked me not to. I hate every moment of this. Can’t you see! We could live in mutual bliss. You and me and all the other people involved. This is just pain you’re putting me through. I know. I know it’s for your best. Not for mine. You know it’s not for me. I got in touch and hoped you would love me. And maybe you did. But our minute is over. And I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. When I am asleep you love me back. Maybe you do too when I am not? But fuck!! I would like you to love me now. Right the fuck now. No matter how many times I deny it, I hate that you don’t love me. Say that you can’t live without me. Say that you need me in your life. Say that you can’t be without me… Dammit. You can’t. And fuck you but I understand. I wouldn’t love me either.