tired or mid-life-crisis

Tired or mid-life-crisis (written by CT)

 

I am so tired of all of this

and I am scared to become someone I don’t want to be

 

I am so tired to pretend to be happy

wear a mask all the time.

 

You are strong they say

but I’m not and I know it.

 

I am not perfect

and I don’t want to be

 

I am so tired to be who I am

but I can’t muster the strength to change

I changed so much already

 

why can’t I just get happy?

Is it to late to get a life

 

I want to break out

leave all this behind

 

I feel trapped

 

suffocating

 

when everybody tells me how lucky I am

I can’t see it

 

maybe I’m too selfish

I feel so old and tired inside

outside I am young and keeping up walls and masks

 

That woman staring at me through the mirror – that’s not me

 

I want to kick and scream

but it wouldn’t change a thing anyway

 

I am tired of my moods and of my low self-esteem

I know my flaws, I know them very-well

it should be a perfect day to make dreams come true

but now it is too late

 

I am caged and I can’t fly

real life is too interfering

there are to much responsibilities

 

I need someone to kiss me all good

and today’s a day I miss my old life

 

I miss the woman that I could be

 

hiding behind my wall

cowering in the far corner of my mind

not daring to take a quick look at reality

 

I’m falling back into my old patterns

not speaking, just swallowing

 

I know where this all will lead

when does it stop??

 

I am too tired to think

too tired to write

not tired enough to sleep

I know the fault lies with me

 

maybe it’s just an early mid-life-crisis?!