Tag: light

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Time heals our wounds

One day you will wake up and a wound that has always itched and that has always hurt – even if it was in a dull, almost imperceptible way, will have healed.

You will be surprised and it will be scary at first. You will try to get that feeling back – after all, it has been a part of you and your being for such a long time. But, let it go. You don’t need it anymore. And the hollow it left will be filled with something new. Something good.

This comes from a person who believed that wounds can be concealed but never healed. I woke up with a weight lifted off me. And I had the immediate desire to write it down. Because, if the hurt comes back (and it will be back full force), then I will have this to remind me that there are days when everything that weighs me down doesn’t seem to be as important anymore.

I’ll leave you on this rather content and serene note. I am going to make the beds now, then I’ll put my golden shoes on and spend my day at IKEA. (For me, IKEA is more stressful than working a double shift at the nursery).

Cathy

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memory lane

As long as there is cum in my balls and a mind in my brain I will never forget you.

I wrote about this one before but I can’t find it anywhere so I will write it down again. This was said to me. Not written, but said. And I thought it was weirdly romantic. He laughed then, saying that it is our kind of romanticism, and he was right. In the meantime, this man is not a part of my life anymore. We knew the day would come but we tried to ignore it until it was there and he left. Which is okay and his proper right to do. But that sentence there, it keeps repeating in my mind. Over and over again. If it is true, then he will not forget me for a long time. I don’t want to be forgotten. Least of all by him. He who meant so much to me at one moment in time and who still does, who will always do.

When I shared this sentence with a friend, she was disgusted and thought it was very disrespectful. And I wondered if I had rose-tinted glasses on to be happy about these words. Now, a long time later, and these words still get to me and they are still disgusting to other people. For me, they are the ultimate declaration of love.

Funny how people see one and the same thing and feel so differently about it. Or maybe I am just weird. By the way, that same man said to me that he felt abject loneliness without me and that I was the only one who could fill the holes in his heart, in his mind and in his soul. Indeed, he is a writer… but come on… Those are amazing words to hear… Alas, love or an infatuation is not always enough. And I am not a romantic person anyway…

(written in August 2016 and still true)

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Down in a Hole

There is always a little spark of light in the darkness and there is always a small shadow in the light.

***

This thought is what’s keeps me powering on in the dark days.

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no more running

I am out of breath,
My knees are scrapped,
My clothes torn.
My hair is in knots,
My vision blurry,
And I run away from life.

Until I stop.

You carry me away on your wings,
Your voice says the magic words.
I am desirable, beautiful, valuable.
I deserve your love, your smile, your time.
And the healing begins, within.
Everyone who looks at me can see that I am not running anymore.

You caught me.

Nothing will stay the same.
My smile is brighter.
My thoughts are lighter.
The melody in my heart plays louder
And the fire in my soul sparked a long lost passion.
There is no need to run any further.

I fall; you catch me.
I run; you stop me.
I freeze; you hold me.
I doubt; you love me.
You love me?
You love me!
I love you!

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Not afraid of the dark

I was never afraid of the dark.
But then you stepped into my life.
Now I am scared shitless that the light you are will fade.
I never carried a lot of light.
But you are there now.
And I am scared that the dark will come back to claim me.
I knew darkness.
I am scared of the unknown.