Tag: Heart of Stone

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books

I admit, I take some pride in this. It’s an achievement; at least for me it is. The prevalent theme in my poetry is love, loss, mental health, relationships… Always a bit on the melancholy side of things, but I like to think quite emotive and relatable too.

So here is a little reminder of the books I published:

Unquiet Minds

Unquiet Minds was my first ever published book with my own full name as the author. It was an amazing feeling to hold this little poetry collection in my hands. Just the thought that this was something I had created, completely on my own. Every word written in this book, every editing mistake, I did it all. And I also took this absolutely awesome cover pic myself. It is a heavily edited soap bubble. Yes, that’s right. It’s no drawing and nothing mysterious. Just a soap bubble in the sky.

Drowning in a Sea of Voices

This one was published almost a year after the first. On the cover is me. Oh, don’t let me fool you, contrary to what you may think, my name and my face on a book was terrifying. Even more so knowing that I took that particular selfie in the bathtub. I am demystifying every mystery about the covers of my books in this post. Anyway, it is another little poetry collection; and again, I did everything on my own. I had asked online for a bit of help, but no one offered (I even offered to pay). I kind of like the cover of this book. Dark. Then again, that seems to be something my book covers have in common.

Heart of Stone

Now this was something else, something that still makes my heart swell with pride. Heart of Stone is a novel that I had written and posted on a site called Wattpad. But, it never felt quite finished; the characters never really left my mind, and so, one night I sat down to rewrite and edit the entire story. Chapters were added, characters were dropped or added and overall, the story came out more polished and more rounded than it was before. Now, the subject is not for everyone, in fact it is quite niche. It’s a love story. Romance. It’s a story about two men meeting at the right moment in time, when everything around them seems to shatter and they are the ones who can make the other whole again. Mental health (anxiety attacks) are a subject explored in this book too. I would say it is not cliché, but maybe I am the wrong person to judge. Riley Stone and Emerson Heart are probably the most developed characters I ever wrote. (Of course, as always, the editing and the cover were done by myself. This time I had actually found a beta-reader who gladly took the money but never got back to me with any tips or editing. I doubt they even read the manuscript… water under the bridge now) The cover is of a stone shaped like a heart, I saw it years before this story even took shape in my mind but suddenly, it all made sense. Heart of Stone.

A Life in Frames

With this release, I wanted to show off my writing skills, as boastful as it sounds. Many short stories (flash fiction) I wrote can be found in that book. It felt a bit like wrapping up things. I had published poetry, a novel, and now this anthology. I wasn’t sure if there was more writing in me, but there always is. Creativity is a well that rarely dries up, it’s just that the mind sometimes holds us back and tries to make us feel like failures. I can wholeheartedly recommend A Life in Frames though. It’s a good little book. Good writing. (As before, all done on my own, hehe – do you see a pattern there? The cover photo is a light bulb in the dark)

Out of the Dark and into the Light

This one should be called “the book that doesn’t exist” I barely advertised this one and only sold a handful of copies. I am not sure why it was difficult to get this poetry collection going. I suspect it was me leaving Facebook that made this advertising thing harder than it should have been. But I also admit, I barely remember anything about the process of writing the poems for this one or how and why the cover is the way it is. And to my dismay, I have to say, I don’t even own a printed copy of this either. (Cover pic – light in a hallway, and editing done by yours truly)

Perfect Imperfection

With this book, I had some help. The cover picture and the title were suggested by a good friend of mine – a creative person too. After reading a couple of poems from the manuscript of this book, the friend came up with the title – there’s a poem of the same name in this collection. Perfect Imperfection was also the first more official release. Or it felt that way. It was published with a local ISBN and was the first that could be found in the Luxembourgish National Library, that’s why, on Amazon, it says published by Bibliothèque Nationale de Luxembourg. It’s the book that made me a bit more visible nationally. I like this one, but maybe that’s because of everything that happened after the release of the book (referring to the visibility that I mentioned before)

Word Thief

To date, this is my last publication. It was released on my 40th birthday. In this book, you can find most of the poems that can be found in the other poetry collections too and then some. As you can see, it’s me again on the cover. Again it was a suggestion by my friend I mentioned above. The name Word Thief came about when I noticed that I do borrow words sometimes. No, no plagiarism, but I often use songs as inspiration when writing and I end up using words I heard in the songs I listened to recently. I am not sure if that makes sense. For Word Thief, I had a couple more polished angles to advertise; like the two songs Daniel Cavanagh recorded for me and put on his soundcloud site for instance. I was a bit disappointed at first that this book didn’t do as well as I expected it to do. Was it the price? Was I overestimating myself? All of the above? If you are a creator you probably know the feeling of feeling very strongly about your latest project only for it to fall on deaf ears. That’s what happened here. I tried many things to make it work but in the end I understood that I am just a grain of sand on this earth. I have no impact, no outside voice that matters. All I have is the passion to write and to keep doing what I started doing in 2012. The fact that I am not writing in my native language is something that adds to my insecurities sometimes, but then again, I couldn’t write as emotionally in my own language. It doesn’t sound the same. Anyway, I have many copies left at home of this one, mainly because of a printing error. There were white pages in the books that should not have been there – and for once it was not my fault, it happened at the press. I personalised every one of those copies with a little drawing (I am very bad at that) or/and a little note.

Fire & Rain

Fire&Rain is the latest addition in my self-publishing journey. It has been released on July 12th 2024 and marks the 8th book that was released with my own name on the cover. (The 6th poetry collection.) I am very proud of this book because I think it has some of the strongest poetry I’ve written to date. So far, there is no feedback about it but I will keep you updated. There are a couple of ideas on how to make Fire&Rain the wholesome release WORD THIEF was, but it is all still in the early stages. Fire&Rain is definitely worth a read if you are a poetry lover.

The Weight of Light

The Weight of Light is a collection of poems that balances raw emotion with quiet reflection. It explores the contrasts we live with: light and dark, love and loss, presence and absence. Each poem invites the reader into moments of gaslighting vulnerability, offering glimpses of the strength hidden in stillness. With simple, honest words, it speaks of connection, identity, and the way small moments can carry unexpected meaning.

For those seeking solace, connection, or simply a moment to pause, The Weight of Light offers a space to feel, reflect, and find light even when it feels heavy.

The August Current

The August Current is my tenth book of poems, and perhaps the most unexpected of them all. I hadn’t planned to release anything new this year, but in late July a sudden wave of words swept through me. In less than a week, ninety poems filled my notebooks—written in sleepless nights, carried by a current I couldn’t resist.
This collection is different. Alongside the typed poems, I’ve included photographs of some of the handwritten originals. Ink smudges, crooked lines, crossings-out—all left as they were. They capture the poems in their first breath, raw and unpolished, with a truth that polished pages often lose.
What makes The August Current special is that it wasn’t meant to exist, and yet it insisted. It carries storms and stillness, shadows and light, fragments of longing and release. For me, it stands as proof that sometimes the work chooses the writer, and not the other way around.
Available as Kindle and paperback. Signed copies can be ordered directly from me.

Every one of those books is available on amazon worldwide, or with me – from this blog. I ship worldwide too with no additional fees.

I thank you for being here and maybe browsing this place a bit. I know, the sheer amount of written words on this blog can be a bit overwhelming but, if you like music, poetry, short stories or even some photography, I am sure there is something for you here.

It’s nice to know that you exist 💜

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Heart of Stone – Interview

A couple of months ago, I sent Ollie a copy of my novel Heart of Stone. He asked if I was interested in answering a couple of questions and I agreed. Here are the questions and my replies. Enjoy.

What was the genesis of the novel? When did you first get the idea for it?

The first idea for this novel came to me in 2013. I had the idea for Emerson Heart on my mind for a long while. The first story I ever wrote with original characters, that weren’t fanfiction, was about a character not unlike Emerson, but far less conflicted. I kept having ideas for scenes and wrote many small notes in my journals. I had similar ideas for Riley Stone, but at first these two characters were not meant to be together in the same book.

How long did it take you to write it?

The first draft took about three months. Then I let it go and turned to a different project, but the characters kept coming back to me at the most inopportune moments and I knew they needed more attention. The file was always running in the back on my laptop. I added a bit here, a sentence there. But I never worked on it with any urgency. During lockdown, I decided that I wanted to send this novel out into the world. So, from the first draft to the publication, it took almost 7 years in the end.

What is your writing routine generally like?

Generally, I put my headphones on and choose music that doesn’t silence my mind. A cup of coffee – if I write in the morning, or an alcoholic drink – if I write in the evening, and then I just let the words flow. I am not one who plans my novels in the beginning. The plan only happens around halfway through when I don’t want to miss any details or loose ends. I also take many notes during the day about sudden ideas or sentences I want to use.

Did it change for this novel or did it stay the same?

For the final draft the routine changed since I only wrote and worked on it while my kids did their homeschooling. They had schedules and I adapted to them. I guess that is why it all happened so fast in the end.

How did you create the two main characters, Emerson Heart and Riley Stone?

As I mentioned, the first idea of Emerson is based off an older character. In the first draft, he didn’t have the anxiety attacks that became a big part of his character. The inspiration for that came after I saw a documentary on TV about a young man who was suffering from these attacks. I also like to give my characters something of myself – I had my first anxiety attack in 2016. It all came together naturally. Riley was supposed to be in stark contrast to Emerson at first. A bit of a cliché. But I was not happy with shallow Riley and I gave him a back story and insecurities of his own. He too has some characteristics of myself. I like my characters to be real and relatable.

The names Heart and Stone came from a picture I took a long while ago – it became the cover of the novel in the end.

Are they based on anyone you know? (Do you have a favourite between them two?)

Emerson and Riley aren’t based on anyone I know and Emerson is not based on any known musician either. They are creations of my imagination. I have a favourite indeed. Riley. Strong and stoic on the outside, fragile and vulnerable on the inside.

Mental health is a big theme in the novel. Panic attacks, for example, are described quite visibly. How important was it for you to explore this theme?

For me, it was important to draw a real picture of the anxiety attacks. They are not just there one moment and forgotten the next, they creep up and have some kind of aftermath. Of course, every anxiety attack feels different for every person, but to me, it feels as if mental illnesses are romanticized too often on TV or in books. I needed to show the real side of them and how utterly helpless one feels in those moments. I did a lot of research and also – once again, took some of my own experiences and weaved them into Emerson’s attacks.

Stone Island, the novel’s main setting, seems like a dream paradise. Did you base it on any place you visited?

Unfortunately, Stone Island only exists in my fantasy. Very vividly though. The image of the mansion overlooking the ocean came to me early on.

If you could spend a day on Stone Island, what would you love to do there?

I would go to the beach and enjoy the waves and the salty sea on my skin. Then, I would return to the mansion and sit outside with a little fire, watching the sunset. Just relaxing and enjoying the serenity of the island.

Another big theme of the novel is same sex love. What drove you to explore this type of relationship?

I first started writing fanfiction for a same-sex couple – Kevin and Scotty from the TV show Brothers & Sisters. I got stuck in the genre of same-sex couples and never felt the need to explore outside that genre. But it felt important to me to show two males who are in love. I read so many novels in this genre that are filled to the brim with cringe-worthy clichés. Now, I don’t claim to be the best writer there is, but I am always trying to keep it real and relatable. There is never a doubt that the main characters are men, and although they are very different from one another, I feel that they are equals, too. There is not one victim and one saviour. They are both victims and they are both saviours.

From the whole process of writing and publishing the novel, is there anything you would have done differently if you could go back in time?

I am not sure. I was left hanging from different beta-readers, quite disappointing actually, and it led to me doing everything all on my own. I guess, having someone else read over the manuscript and making the writer aware of mistakes or illogical sentences or paragraphs is quite helpful. I would insist on finding help nowadays. Also, I am much more confident in my writing, I would probably approach a publishing house earlier on.

Are you working on any new writing projects?

I am not writing much fiction at all these days. After writing and finishing Stone, I felt as if my creativity had dried up. But who knows what happens in the future. Inspiration comes from different places all the time.

Although, I am thinking about publishing a collection with my short stories. And by the end of next year (2021), a new poetry collection will probably see the light of day too.

Do you think you will ever revisit these characters?

I am thinking about Emerson and Riley a lot, to be honest, but I will probably not revisit the characters. There won’t be a sequel.

The questions were provided by Ollie, visit his blog here: https://picosgemeos.livejournal.com/ and follow him on Twitter and Instagram

Top review on Amazon for Heart of Stone from Ben:

If you are interested in purchasing a copy of Heart of Stone, it is available worldwide as ebook and paperback on Amazon, or you can get in touch with me and I will send you a signed copy. Also, consider using the shop on this site. You can pay with Paypal, making it easy for you and for me.

Cathy

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And finally…

I first shared about my intention to publish my novel early this year, but a couple of setbacks made me drop my imaginary deadline.

Then last week, I didn’t have to go to work because there was no work for me left to be done… I was angry. Very much so. I felt useless and unneeded – and those are things similar to rejection – I can’t deal with them. I had to do something, and I dove into my manuscript for Heart of Stone. There was still a lot of work to do, and I did it. It took many hours, but in the end, I got it done, and I think/I hope there aren’t any typos left.

Upload, publish done.

That was the easy part. The cover had been done long before – I designed it myself, with a picture I took myself too. The picture inspired the title of the book.

The hard part was sharing with the world that I had written a novel that is almost 300 pages long. (291 pages of story). But, with a little shove and a lot of convincing, I did it. I shared on Instagram, on Twitter, and on FB. FB is the scariest because there is only family and people I really really really like. Their opinion matters.

And wouldn’t you know? They didn’t even ask about a synopsis, they simply asked where to buy the book. They will be surprised to read an English same-sex romantic novel. But, that they offered some support, albeit driven by curiosity, that means the world to me.

By now, Heart of Stone is available as paperback and ebook on Amazon worldwide. Mid-August, I will receive 10 copies that I can share and send around the world. One is already spoken for. 9 are left.

Heart of Stone – paperback version on amazon.com

Heart of Stone – kindle version on amazon.com

(Clicking the links will lead you to amazon.com – you will leave this site.)

I am proud of this achievement. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but yes, I did it. The first copy of the book went to the UK, to North Wales. That man bought his copy before I even told the masses that my book existed, and before I had the chance to correct the final typos. His copy of Heart of Stone is truly unique. And I will never forget his generosity and kindness.

Now, I will have to see if I can come up with a next book. There is only one older story of mine that deserves to be made into a paperback, but I am not sure if it will ever happen. Every Second, Forever. It is about a man who catches HIV and his journey through life, living with the virus. But, that book was written even before Heart of Stone, and therefore it is out of date. We’ll see what will happen.

Heart of Stone – it is out now, ready for your eyes. It will hit you right in the feels, I promise.

❤

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Heart of Stone

Heart of Stone… I am procrastinating to keep editing this story. It is available for free on Wattpad. The response has been quite nice. Here are a couple of comments from the last chapter:

So far, I added one chapter and edited more or less 80% of the existing story, adding paragraphs and taking other unimportant stuff out. I believe that I have something good on my hands. And although I am sparse with praise for myself, I think that this novel is worth every reader’s time (even in its unedited state).

Here is a link: https://my.w.tt/mahOoc4VpZ

If you are inclined to read, please do. I am grateful for every comment and encouragement I can get. Sometimes, comments help in the editing process; asking questions and clarifications make me see where the story is not clear or where more words are necessary. There are parts that seem logical to me, but that’s because my mind fills the gaps that exist. I know the characters and their flaws because they are in my head and in my imagination – it is not the same for a reader who has a healthier distance to these characters.

As always, thank you for your support.

Have a nice weekend.

Cathy