Wrap your self around my soul
Consume me until
I will disintegrate in your smoldering embrace.
Standing still,
I feel your essence seeping in to my very core
Until I wrap my soul around your fragile mind.
Empty day
I had an empty day.
Is that what is called normal? There was no rage, no overwhelming moments, no serenity… Nothing. Just emptiness. An emptiness that wasn’t challenging. I was without deep emotions.
Strange. Strange indeed. But not unwelcome.
The sun was shining. I did not make my beds. I read, listened to music, played with the kids, took a bath… Mundane. And that was okay.
embers of memories
Embers of memories are glowing in the dark. I want them to burn again. I want them to go out. I want to give up, and I want to keep going. If we only knew. Embers of memories are burning me from within. Sometimes, the heat is comforting; other times, it is destroying me from just underneath my skin. I miss who I didn’t have; dream of opportunities we never dared to take. I am strong enough to fight. I know that I am your missing light. And yet… To have you and to hold you. To let these embers of memories become blazing flames again…
my heart is open
My heart is open
My arms are open
I will be here to share your pain
I will be here to stand in the rain
My heart is just a fraction broken
My secrets still unspoken
I will be here to see your soul
I will be here to make you whole
My heart is open
My heart is hopin’
I will be here to see the burning desire
I will be here to be your fire
My heart is just a fraction broken
My soul has awoken
I will be here to stop you from leaving
I will be here to make you start breathing
My heart is still open
My love will never stop lovin’.
memory lane
As long as there is cum in my balls and a mind in my brain I will never forget you.
I wrote about this one before but I can’t find it anywhere so I will write it down again. This was said to me. Not written, but said. And I thought it was weirdly romantic. He laughed then, saying that it is our kind of romanticism, and he was right. In the meantime, this man is not a part of my life anymore. We knew the day would come but we tried to ignore it until it was there and he left. Which is okay and his proper right to do. But that sentence there, it keeps repeating in my mind. Over and over again. If it is true, then he will not forget me for a long time. I don’t want to be forgotten. Least of all by him. He who meant so much to me at one moment in time and who still does, who will always do.
When I shared this sentence with a friend, she was disgusted and thought it was very disrespectful. And I wondered if I had rose-tinted glasses on to be happy about these words. Now, a long time later, and these words still get to me and they are still disgusting to other people. For me, they are the ultimate declaration of love.
Funny how people see one and the same thing and feel so differently about it. Or maybe I am just weird. By the way, that same man said to me that he felt abject loneliness without me and that I was the only one who could fill the holes in his heart, in his mind and in his soul. Indeed, he is a writer… but come on… Those are amazing words to hear… Alas, love or an infatuation is not always enough. And I am not a romantic person anyway…
(written in August 2016 and still true)
sense and sensibility
Another sleepless night
And I wonder
Can you hear me in your thoughts
Can you see me in your dreams
Can you taste me on your tongue
Can you feel me on your skin
Can you smell me on your sheets
Do you wonder
During another sleepless night?
this is how you affect me
If I fall
I will rise
If I feel buried
I am actually planted
If I am in the dark
I am facing the light
I am your star
In broad daylight
I am your sun
At night
If I am asleep
You are awake in my dreams
When I am cold
You are my heat.
Fallen angel –
We were caught.
idea_20171204
Please don’t touch the sore spots on my soul. I will bleed you out of my system and I am not ready yet.
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Shadows on my soul
Push the clouds away
Show me the light
And I will find my way
Love
For one night, I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.
For never. Forever.
For life; I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.
I’m only human
If you look at me, please see me. If you see me for the person that I am, please love me.
If you listen to me, please hear me. If you hear my words, please understand them.
If you want me, don’t hold back. If you don’t hold back, I will be all yours.
***
This is actually no fiction. This is all me in my most vulnerable state. I am afraid to be invisible, invaluable, used…
Release
Release your grip from my heart
You’re crushing me
Not stopping until I fall apart.
Release your power over me
I’m not a puppet on a string
I can’t find happiness on my knees.
Release me. Release me. Release me.
Set me free.
Training
I work in a job where we are sent to trainings twice a year. Today I spent an entire day in training. We were a group of sixteen strangers. The training was about self-conception, our effect on the parents, and the use of verbal and nonverbal communication.
One exercise this morning was very uplifting. A stranger sat across from us. Facing one another, the stranger had one minute to compliment me. This was done twice. So… I had two minutes of compliments today and also gave two minutes of compliments.
Here are some things these strangers said to me which left an impact (or got me thinking). One man and one woman made these statements.
- There is something mysterious about you
- Very open and welcoming
- Warm
- Gentle
- Humourous
- Bright smile
- Beautiful eyes
- Curvy (yes… That too was meant to be a compliment)
- I feel safe and accepted just sitting face to face with you
- Very high tolerance for everyone, regardless of gender or anything else
- Dynamic
- Available to your friends
- We could talk for hours on end if we met for a drink
- Outgoing
- Intelligent
- Interested
- Calm
- At ease with yourself
- There for your friends
- You seem to be a person with a positive attitude who can find a solution to every problem
- Would love to work with you
- Beautiful when you smile
These are the ones I remember. The ‘you’ is me, of course. These things were said to me by people who I had never met before. It’s incredible how uplifting this exercise was. And, I recognise myself in the things they said, too.
I do want to add though: what is mysterious about me? Can anyone explain this to me? I’ve been told this more than once and I don’t know what to make of it.
Also, try to pay compliments to a stranger for an entire minute. It’s long…
Anyway, this made my day and I wanted to share.
xx
Cathy
But…
Damaged
But not broken
Bruised
But not bleeding
Happy
But not smiling
Sad
But not crying
Thinking
But not speaking
Scared
But not hiding
Love
But not them
Here
But not there
Silent
But not inside
Empty
But filled with emotions
Dreaming
But not sleeping
Apathetic
But full of passion
Lost
But not when you are there.
Forget me (or not?)
There was a moment when all she ever wanted was to be remembered. Now, she began to wonder if being forgotten wasn’t a better choice. Remembering someone was too often linked with painful thoughts. She wanted more for the people she loved. They deserved better than her.
reflections of an unquiet mind 