I stood in the rain and let it pelt my skin. I was dressed for the summer, a flowy dress, no layer too many because the heat had been oppressive all day. And now I stood in the rain and watched lightning dancing across the sky. I used to love the rain when it kissed every inch of me. Tonight was different. Tonight it felt like needle pricks, so sharp it almost hurt. My hair was hanging in thick strands, dripping. I was sure my makeup was smudged too turning my carefully crafted mask into a grotesque parody of who I used to be. I felt betrayed. By the moon and the clouds. And the rain that had always held a romantic undertone for me. I closed my eyes and let my head fall in my neck. Where there should have been stars was nothing. My eyelids fluttered under the weight of the heavy rainfall on my face. I stretched out my arms to welcome this spectacle of mother nature that had always been mystical. I knew rain and how it came to be, and yet, as so often, between theory and practice was a big difference. And I liked to believe in magic. Tonight I didn’t feel that magic.
I shivered, lowering my arms and my head. Something had changed. Every drop felt like it was washing away a piece of something I hadn’t meant to lose. Had I grown up, was my inner child out of reach? I stepped inside the warm house and sighed. Inside everything was quiet. The wet cloth against my skin felt cold and uncomfortable and I was dripping all over the floor. I couldn’t say if it was rain falling from my face or tears. Did it even matter? I had lost something important tonight and I felt it in my bones. Outside the rain kept drumming on every surface it could reach. It was part meditative and part unsettling.
reflections of an unquiet mind 