How to write like me

Teaser: Forget the rules. They were probably written by someone who writes one poem a year and calls it a craft.

People keep writing articles about how to write better. I’ve read enough to know most of them could be summed up as “have a process” and “don’t give up.”
That’s nice, but here’s the thing… my “process” would give most writing coaches a headache. It’s unpolished, uneducated, and absolutely not taught in school.

So, in the spirit of questionable advice that somehow works for me, here’s how to write like me:


—

⚠ Warning:
Writing like me may cause:

Sudden emotional outbursts at your keyboard

Uncontrollable use of storms, waves, and clouds as metaphors

Short bursts of genius followed by long naps

Friends asking “Is this about me?” (It probably is, but say it isn’t)

A complete inability to follow any other writing advice ever again


Proceed at your own risk.



1. Write fast.
If it takes you more than ten minutes, you are overthinking it. That’s for poetry, obviously. The first draft is the real draft and yes, I’ve been told that’s “unprofessional.” I sleep just fine.


2. Skip the warm-up.
No journaling, no word games, no “morning pages.” Just sit down and start when you feel like it.


3. Use simple words.
The thesaurus is for people who don’t know what they are trying to say. Thank heavens for autocorrect, I don’t even know how to spell thesaurus without it. Also, if you use “pulchritudinous” instead of “beautiful,” you’ve already lost me.


4. Feel first, write after.
If there is no feeling, there is no point. The feeling can come from a single word in a song, a line in a film, or something you or someone else experienced.


5. Ignore all “10 tips to be a great writer” articles.
Except this one. Obviously.


6. Be subtle but never vague.
Mystery is good. Confusion is not.


7. Keep it short.
If you can say it in six words, why use sixty? Unless you are being paid per word, in which case… go you! I am jealous. And I want to be like you.


8. Choose images you love.
If you are sick of writing about storms, clouds, or waves… congratulations, you are not me.


9. Do not force themes.
If you end up writing about the same thing three times in one week, let it happen.


10. Edit only what hurts your eyes.
Typos? Yes. Soul? No. If it is a beautiful sentence but grammar says it is wrong… guess which one wins.


11. Be open yet private.
Say what you feel without handing people the whole map to your heart. Not everything needs an explanation.


12. Know when to stop.
Usually right before you ruin it with one sentence too many.

###

And if anyone tells you you are doing it wrong, just smile, keep writing, and prove them right in all the wrong ways. Just like me.

Please read this with a grain of salt… It was meant to be my humourous take on all the how to posts and lists.

Happy writing.