Dear Stranger

Dear Stranger,

A decade of us. Can you imagine that?

Ten years of being there and being gone, of being a lighthouse and being invisible. We should celebrate this milestone. Instead, true to our chaotic relation, we turned quiet. But this time, the silence is not painful. At least not for me. It simply exists.

I know I promised forever, and I want to keep that promise. But how can I do that when you are never there?

Sometimes it feels as if I changed too much and too fast for you. I am not the mousy little submissive woman anymore. I learned to know my worth, and I know what I have to offer. And what is more: I know what I offered you.

I never wanted romance. I wanted connection and friendship. But somehow what we had—the thread between us—was too complicated to be any of this. It was deeper than love. It was too layered to understand.

And while I think I knew it all along, I also think you needed me to see you differently.

In 2015, you told me that you would never fall in love with me. That hurt. But years later I understood what those words meant. And I agree with them more than I can make you comprehend.

You see, dear Stranger, I am not an afterthought. Not a forgotten breath. Not a band-aid to put on a gushing wound.

I am light. Yours.
But more importantly, I turned into my own light.

None of this would have been possible without you. I would not be who I am without you. But right now, on this Friday in May, I know that you do not need me. You have a crowd in your corner, and I became obsolete.

No, it is not about low self-esteem. It is about finally loving myself enough to not sell myself short or out for you.

I am not angry. I could not be.
And I am not disappointed.

I simply believe that for now, we are at a crossroad, and our paths lead in different directions. Maybe one day we will meet again. Until then, I hope you find the strength to take good care of yourself.

I will always be there for you, but on my terms. I cannot bend backwards anymore without breaking.

Forever not yours,

Sweetie