you’re still the one 19/19

Eighteen month old Ava

There is that baby crying again. Aliana is her name. She can’t do anything except sleeping and pooing and eating and crying. At least I can walk. I am the big sister now. That’s what they said. I walk over to my daddy and he heaves me in his arms with a grunt and a smile. He calls me his Princess. I like that. I don’t know what a Princess is, but in the books my daddys watch with me, they are always dressed in pretty dresses. I ran my hand through papa’s beard. I love to do that. It tickles against my palm and every time I do that, he pushes his face against my hand. My papa is the best. He turns his head and kisses my hand. I liked that a lot. I can’t say it yet, but I giggle. I know that he is happy when I giggle. Aliana is quiet now. Papa Cody has put a pacifier in her mouth. I want one too. I am hungry anyway. Maybe I should start to protest, but before I can even start, papa tells me that it is time for dinner. We sit at the table and I watch while he makes a sandwich and cuts some carrots for me. He knows that I like them and I suspect that I get them often because I can’t make a mess with them. I can make a mess of everything. Because I am Ava and I can do everything and be everyone I want to be. At least that’s what uncle Gus tells me.

Uncle Gus always plays with me. He lets me ride on his knees or sit on his back. He likes to tickle me and when no one is around, he also sings to me. I think that he is the best uncle in the whole wide world. And I will never ever share him with that baby. She already took my papas, she will not have my uncle. But I have to admit, she is okay. And maybe when she is older, she will play with me too.

Papa set the little pieces of sandwich in front of me and I begin stuffing my face. They are delicious. I don’t know what my papas are eating, but they eat with sticks. It looks difficult. They should eat with their fingers too. I try to separate the cheese from the bread, but there is this glue again. Papa always glues the ham or the cheese on the bread and I have to use both hands and my teeth to get it off. It’s a lot of work and it makes me tired. I yawn and rub my eyes. Great! Now I put some of that glue on my eyes. I start to cry and hope that they understand what I want. I know they want me to talk. I can talk. But I only do it with uncle Gus. It’s too funny to see my papas try to understand me. My real papa takes me out of my highchair and pulls me tight against him. I put my head on his shoulder. Nothing bad ever happens to me when I am with him. And if something isn’t working the way I want it to, he does everything he can to make me happy again.

Fifteen year old Ava

I am furious. How can they do this to me? I hate them. There is that guy. His name is Jeff. He is the most beautiful boy in the school. Every girl wants to date him, but he asked me out. Me! Of all the girls, he noticed me. Dad said that it was okay to go out with him, but that he had to pick me up and introduce himself. Jeff said that it was no problem. But it weren’t only my dads who were waiting for him, but my uncles were here too. They asked questions, silly questions really and wanted to know his plans with me. Jeff blushed and his hair was in his face and then Cam said that he needs a haircut and – he was so unfair. My life is none of his business anyway. He is just an uncle and not even blood related. Jeff didn’t want to go out with me when they were done with him. He said that he didn’t know that I was raised by a bunch of old queens and faggots. He is such a homophobic ass. I thought he was more liberal than that.

Maybe I should become a lesbian. The men in my life suck. I hate them all. And my sister… Aliana had nothing better to do than laugh. She’s such a bitch.

***

Gus just knocked on my door and apologized for my dads. Why is it that he is able to apologize but not them? I didn’t want to cry, but I did. I just hurts so much and I don’t even know how I am supposed to go to school on Monday. Gus let me cry and just held me. That’s why I like him so much. He knows exactly when I need him to talk and when I need his silent support. He asked if I wanted to go out with him, because I look so pretty. (His words, not mine). I wonder if my dads will interview him too. Or Cam? He said he would wait downstairs. Not that long ago, I learned that Gus is HIV positive. My first thought was that he is about to die, but then he told me that he has been living with it for a long time. I wonder if his boyfriend knows. He should know, they’ve been together for a very long time too. Anyway, I will accept his invitation.

And I will never ever talk to my dads again. They are ruining my life.

Twenty year old Ava

It’s my dads’ twentieth wedding anniversary and Aliana and I have a special surprise for them. Both of us came home from college especially for this day. We made a huge poster with pictures of them. For some of them we had the help of Cam and Scott. It was fun to do this behind their back. We decorated Cameron and Scott’s house the way it was decorated for their wedding. Aliana and I, we bought matching lilac dresses and we are planning to celebrate again. Grandpa and grandma are invited too. I hope they are dressed and not stoned. Yeah, they are people like that. Scott said something about them bringing someone. I hope it’s not their latest sex-toy. Urgh… I don’t even want to think about that. I can’t even imagine how weird it must have been to grow up with them. When I was sixteen, they asked me if I was sexually active, when I denied, they offered to find me a nice disease free boy. Or the time when I visited and they were smoking a blunt and offered it to me… I hope they behave. It’s the first time Aliana’s boyfriend will be joining us for a family celebration.

Gus is supposed to get my dads to Cam’s house. I don’t know what he is telling them, but I hope it works out fine.

***

It was an amazing night. When my dads arrived at the house, they were both wearing casual clothes. Scott too my papa and Cam took dad upstairs to get changed. They were overwhelmed. They came out of the house and into the garden, holding hands. It’s just so great to see that my parents are still so much in love, after all these years. Often enough I had to hear that a homosexual couple wasn’t right to raise children and when I was younger, I almost believed that nonsense. I didn’t have any straight couples in my immediate circles, apart from my grandparents, but they aren’t exactly the flagship couple. What I know now, is that my parents are happily married and they love my sister and me. Unconditionally. And whenever I think back, even to the moments when I thought they were ruining my life and when I said that I hated them for not allowing me this or that, I now know that they did so out of love. They always tried to keep me safe and happy.

Papa cried during most of the ceremony, he was completely overwhelmed. I knew it were happy tears but it was still weird to see him like this.

My dads renewed their vows. Apparently they said the same they had said years ago. Afterwards, they danced together. I stood in the corner and watched them. They looked so much in love. Cam and Scott danced too. Scott had his head on Cam’s shoulder. They too were in love and it radiated off them. My grandparents sat on the swing in the garden and were smoking. They looked very happy and serene too. Aliana smiled at her boyfriend and flipped her hair. It was nice to see her like this. And my favorite uncle, Gus sat on the sofa, his boyfriend was rubbing his feet and they were laughing out loud. It occurred to me, that I was the only single in the house, but it was okay. I was surrounded by so much love and happiness and I knew that I would find that for my self too.

I asked to dance with my papa and dad moved aside. Papa kissed my cheek and thanked me for the night.

He taught me so much and I am sure that I will learn many more things from him, the most important though is that I will always listen to my heart and when I’ll meet the one, I will do everything in my might to stay with him.

THE definitive END