Back to Noel’s POV
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had red blotches on my cheeks and forehead. It was the stress. I knew it. The last time I had been this nervous had been when Ava was born. But for that occasion I hadn’t trimmed my beard back and hadn’t had a haircut. Gus sat on the couch behind me with Ava on his knees. He made her ride her knee up and down and she giggled and squealed in amusement. Gus had become one of her favorites. Ava and Cameron hadn’t hit it off, mostly because Cameron was standoffish, but Scott made up for that. Maybe Cameron was afraid that he would do something wrong with her. I tied my tied and ran my hand through my hair. I turned to look at Gus and Ava.
“How do I look?” I asked and Gus stopped his play with Ava.
“Stunning” was his reply and it made me blush and smile. “She’s fed and changed. She just needs to get dressed.” Gus held Ava out to me and I kissed her head. I sat with her on the floor fully aware that my suit would crease. With practices ease I pulled the dress over her head and buttoned it in the back. Socks on her feet and a matching hairband topped of her look. She looked adorable in her lilac dress. Once done, Gus took Ava again. I hugged him tightly. He had become my best friend here and I appreciated him enormously. He hugged me back and kissed my cheek.
“Breathe Noel. Everything will be alright and even if you mess up now, you are already married to the guy.” He squeezed my shoulder hard. I wanted to say something, but I had no words left. My mouth was so dry and all I really wanted to do was run away.
“Thank you Gus.” I croaked when he had his hand on the doorknob.
“Five minutes Noel.” He smiled and left.
I was sweating in my suit and the tie was chocking me. My feet were already killing me, to the point where I considered walking down the aisle barefoot. Cody would like that, but it wasn’t the way I wanted out wedding pictures to look. I just hoped he wouldn’t wear anything crazy. His clothing style was rather tame, but I couldn’t rely on that on our wedding day. I loved that man so much. He was so different from the man I was, but we were almost perfect together. Of course, there were times when all I wanted to do was kill him with my bare hands, but then he would smirk – that patented Cody smirk, and I was already forgiving him again. We were moving at lighting speed into our shared future. It scared me. It soothed me too. There was this man who was willing to share his future with me. The man that had already been the biggest part of my past. And he didn’t only share his life with me, but also with Ava. Cody was so good with Ava and he insisted on taking care of her. Another nervous glance at my watch and I knew it was time to go. I drank a large gulp of water and made my way downstairs. I made a mental note to thank Cameron again for letting us use his house. I watched the pictures hanging on the walls. Many of them were of Cody. But there were also the pictures that showed Cameron and Scott as a couple deeply in love. A picture of Ren had a black ribbon on the frame. I hadn’t known the man, but I knew that he had been a big part of Cameron’s and Cody’s life. Of Scott’s life too. He had died ten years ago. I didn’t know what had happened and I didn’t ask either. Thinking of Ren inevitably made me think of Matt Cameron and Zsolt and that time we had watched their porn scene, ready to jerk off or mimic it only to be put off when we saw Cameron. I laughed out loud. Many awkward moments had followed. In our panic, we couldn’t find the remote and we couldn’t turn off the screen. Cody had been pacing his bedroom and we had fled before Cameron could come home that day.
Scott stood at the stoop of the stairs.
“Why are you laughing? You aren’t losing your mind, are you?” His face showed honest concern and I recounted my thoughts. He had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. And since we were walking down memory lane, we also remembered the day when we had met Melly and Wally. My in-laws. Scott told me how they had looked at Wally’s wrinkled dick from the floor and how embarrassed they had been.
With tears of joy in my eyes and the occasional shake with laughter, Scott walked me down the aisle. I hadn’t even looked at Cody, but when my eyes found him, I was relieved to see that he was dressed for the occasion. I was also pleased to see that his parents were also dressed. Even though his father was scratching the fabric of his shirt and pulled at his crotch none too discreetly. Cody navy blue tuxedo which had black lapels. He wore a bowtie. And he looked stunning. He wore a serene and happy expression on his face. I couldn’t help myself, I had to kiss him. His lips were so soft and had I been able to tune out the cheers and whistles from our handful of guests, I would have deepened the kiss.
We stood underneath a pergola that was decorated with lilac flowers. Our family sat on white chairs and there were many candles of various sizes illuminating the garden, while on the horizon the sun was slowly setting.
“Dear Cody.” My voice was shaky and I hoped that I could remember my vow. If not, I had to make one up on the spot. I took a nervous breath and drew strength from my husband’s smile and his squeezing hand. “Dear Cody. Today in front of our family and friends, I want you to know and them too, that I loved you. I love you. And I will always love you.” Tears threatened to run down my cheeks. I was so overwhelmed. “Thank you for letting me and Ava into your heart again. I love you.” I stole another kiss and felt Cody’s sweaty palm against mine. My heart was racing and I heard the blood pounding in my ears.
“I forgot what I wanted to say.” Cody said with a shy smile. Our guests laughed. I squeezed his hand, the way he had squeezed mine and locked eyes with him. I nodded and he grinned.
“For some we are moving too fast. I say we have waited years to do this and although life took us in different directions, I always knew, I knew it in my heart, that you are the only one for me. My one true love. You are still the one I love, Noel.” And there were the tears. I wasn’t sad. It were happy tears and it was like after hearing his words tension slipped out of my body. I loved that man so much. My husband. Gus brought Ava to us and I took her between me and my husband. We both kissed her head. She looked between us as if we were crazy people but then she smiled a toothless smile and sucked on her fist. Drool was running out of her mouth and ruining her dress, but it was okay.
“We are a family now.” Cody and I declared together. Pictures were taken of us. Memories to put on a wall or in a book.
Our family surrounded us and congratulated us. Cody’s father, who smelled weird, took me in his arms and welcomed me to the family. His mother kissed my cheek and warned me to keep her son happy. I replied that I would try my best.
“Fair enough, let’s have a drink or a couple.” Was her reply.
And that was exactly what we did. Gus took Ava and put her to bed. With the baby phone nearby, we celebrated, dances and drank.
While a slow song played, I pulled my husband close to me. I kissed his neck and smiled when I felt him shiver. I pressed myself closer to him, making a silent promise for a wedding night that either of us would forget.
“After all these years,” I whispered in his ear “You are still the one for me.”
THE END
(But wait…)
reflections of an unquiet mind 