That night, I went to bed with a smile on my face. Everything would be alright. I felt it in my bones. I didn’t even have the urge to have a relationship with him. Gus would probably be a fuck buddy and nothing else. There were no hopes involved at all and no expectations either. It was freeing.
And everything was alright until I was woken up from my sleep. And it wasn’t Ava. Someone was knocking on the door. For a moment I wanted to just let it go and ignore it, but the person was persistent and I didn’t want Ava to wake up. I shuffled to the door, yawning and rubbing my eyes wearing nothing but my underwear. I opened it crack and saw Cody. He looked angry and disheveled.
“Let me in already.” He barked and in my shocked state, I did. Stepping aside I opened the door wide and let him inside. He swayed a bit and reeked of alcohol. I hated drunks. I didn’t drink a lot and I didn’t like others being wasted either
“Are you drunk?” I asked the obvious, just to say something.
“You bet your pretty little ass I am. Tell me one thing: was it good?” He sneered and took a healthy gulp out of the bottle in his hand. I didn’t know what he was talking about. At all. I looked at him and he got even angrier.
“Gus!” he yelled.
“Calm the fuck down, Cody. Ava is asleep.” I admonished him. I didn’t want my daughter to lose sleep because of him having the need to make a scene.
“Tell me!” he demanded.
“None of your business” I answered defiantly.
“He is my Gus! You are mine too.” Cody announced and flopped down on the couch. I folded my arms across my chest. I was no one’s possession, that much was a fact and even if I liked or loved or whatever I felt about Cody, I didn’t like how he treated me right then. Not one bit.
“Are you for real?” he didn’t answer, he just put his feet on the table as if he owned the place. “Listen Cody and listen good, because I don’t give a shit if you are drunk right now or not. You said he was just Gus and the guy came on to me…”
“But you let him blow you. Or did he rape you?” The smug smile on his face made me almost punch him. I wasn’t a violent person, but Cody was walking a thin line.
“You don’t own me. I am my own man. Single too by the way.”
“You little shit. Can’t you see that you brought nothing but chaos to my life?” He leaped up, swayed and fell down on the couch again.
“I’ve been here for a couple of weeks and saw you once in that time. Don’t blame me for your chaotic life.” He didn’t say anything at all to that. Cody took another long gulp out of his bottle. How could he even drink that stuff without wincing?
“I wish you would have never left. We were good together.” The tone was softer now and it made me be easier on him too. I sat down next to him on the couch. Careful not touch him.
“We were children. Leaving was the best that happened to us.”
“You broke my heart man. You broke my damned heart and now you come here all sexy with that bulk and that beard and that baby and all I can think of is that I love you.” Tears welled up in his eyes and I didn’t know what to do. It was a drunken confession and I had no idea how truthful it was. And why was Cody so angry? Hadn’t he told me that it was just Gus?
“I have no idea why you are coming to my place and make a scene in the middle of the night…”
“I told you just now: I love you!” Cody yelled again and clumsily leaned in to kiss me. I turned away in disgust. Part of me wanted to kiss him too, but not like this. Not when he was here to shout and blame me for having been with Gus. And certainly not while he was drunk like this. He nodded as if he had an epiphany. “Alright… I understand. You don’t want me. Then why the fuck did you come back here?” he got up and had to hold on to the windowsill to not fall down on his ass again.
“This is my home too.” I got defensive again.
“You left and you lost your right to call it that.”
“Cody…” he waved me off with the bottle in his hand. “Let me make you a cup of coffee and help you sober up. We’ll talk again when you are not drunk.”
“I’m not drunk” he slurred.
“Sit down. I’m going to take care of you.” I said with a sigh and pushed him toward the couch. And he did what he was told. He fought and didn’t want to let go of his bottle though, but in the end, he let go of it. I helped him out of his boots and out of his jacket and helped him settle on the couch before I went to the kitchen to make a pot of strong coffee for him. When I came back to the living room, he was snoring and drool was running out of the corner of his mouth. I put a glass of water and two Paracetamol on the coffee table. I wasn’t sure if it was safe to go back to bed or if it was better to stay with him in case he would be sick. With a sigh I decided to cover him with a blanket and let him sleep it off.
reflections of an unquiet mind 