Provocation ?

This pic could be seen as a provocation – it shows a leg in pantyhose and some people are triggered when they see this. For me, this pic was an accident when I wanted to actually put the phone down and snapped a pic of my thigh. I am a thick woman – fat. My best friend called me obese during a fight and maybe he is right. But I am also aware that he wanted to hurt me during this fight and he tested me – I did not react or fight or nag…

Anyway… I like my legs. And yes they are thick, but that’s what and who I am.

You know, all those words above make me feel the need to point out that I lost 4kg in 2 months. But if I do that, I also feel the need to point out that I am on the verge of an eating disorder. When I work, I don’t eat until dinner – I don’t snack – apart if there are raw cucumbers… I hate eating in front of anyone who is not my close family (kids and husband), and I react with allergies and intolerances all the time. I love going to a restaurant and I also eat there, but I need to feel comfortable (I hate new restaurants). And that disorder comes from an insecurity: I am a fat woman – I ate enough to become like this, there is no need to eat more. Of course my mind is lying – bastard. But yeah – that’s why I can’t eat at work and I hate buffets. I feel watched, even though I am not.

Also, I am not fat because I eat too much or not healthy enough. I am fat because I have been struggling with my thyroid for 18 years now and although I have blood work done every three months, it still always changes and the issue is never resolved.

A private fact: apart from the thyroid, I am very healthy. Possibly because I really don’t eat enough or much.

This is the first time I ever mentioned this publicly. But it has been on my mind for a long while. You know, people at work notice that I don’t eat and my excuse is always that I have too many intolerances and allergies and prefer not to eat stuff I don’t know. It is enough for most people, they don’t ask more.

Ah yes – I don’t eat but love to drink 🤣 Oh, I did not have a smoke since last Thursday, good -right?!

Anyway, I like my legs…