It’s October 26th

This does not mean anything to many people, but to me, it means something.

I used to have a best friend and today is her birthday. We are not Friends anymore and it is partly my fault. I cancelled on her too many times and I was not Brave enough to be honest about the real reasons.

You see, she was there when I did not have any friends and at one point, I began to take it for granted. Then came the time when my mental health began to decline, and instead of being honest and admitting why I cancelled our dates; admitting that I needed help and support , I used shallow excuses; my kids as an excuse or told her I was sick. i should have told her that i did not feel up to meeting anyone,but I was not honest with myself back then and couldn’t be with her either.

And one day, she broke up our friendship. Back then it came out of the blue for me, but in hindsight it was a logical consequence of my behavior. I had rejected her too many times, it was only right of her to leave. Add to that that I was not able to be honest with her in person, but I wrote about the real reasons it on the blog, needless to say, she felt betrayed, and rightly so.

Today is her 40th birthday. I never called anyone my best friend, but her. She did not understand everything, but she always tried. I pushed her away when I needed her, pretending that I was not to blame – but I was/I am. She’s a good person. And intelligent and interesting woman. I was not the friend she deserved.

But,She is still and always on my mind. What would Carole say or think? I hope she had a great birthday. Selfishly, I miss our friendship, being fully aware that I never gave as much as she did… Anyway… I wish her all the best and wherever she is, I wish her happiness and love and reasons to smile.

I am not a woman’s girl, but Carole was my best friend. I think about her a lot even if we have not been in touch for years; and I sincerely hope that she is as happy as she can be.

It felt important to write this… 💜❤️💜❤️