A truth about me

I have been married for 15 years. 15 years is a long time, even more so when considering that I am 39. I have been with my husband for more than 22 years. 22 years is a long time, even more so when considering that I am 39.

I could not imagine being with anyone else than Patrick. He is my husband and I love him. Some days, I want to send him to the moon and some days I look at him and swoon.

Since we came together at such a young age, we decided years ago to open our relationship. We both did not have much experience with other partners before we met and this was an important step. We decided not to share if and when the other would be with someone else. And to this day, 10 years later, I don’t know if he ever had anyone else. As for me, I will not disclose anything. Those who know, know and those who don’t, don’t.

Pat also suggested that I invite my best male friend to a family wedding this September because he can’t be there. (He is the producer/sound engineer of a local band that will play at the luxembourgish Philharmonie.) I would never do that, although the faces of the people if I turned up with an English speaking man in dreadlocks – it’s worth considering it… But no, I will go with Amalia, I booked an expensive hotel for a night for us 🙂 I will be great 🙂

Anyway…

Between Pat and me, there is a lot of banter. We laugh a lot. We also touch and kiss in public… We watch films and shows together and once a week, we go on a dinner date. And there are never any awkward silences. We drink and laugh and talk about everything and anything. However, I sometimes miss his support. Something he doesn’t give lightly. He has never read anything I wrote. He does not give his opinion when I change work, apart from the fact that an income will be missed when I don’t have a job. We rarely fight and if we do, it is always about the kids and their education. I am too understanding and against any type of punishment or consequences. The kids are hard enough on themselves. A talk and questions if they understand the repercussions of their behavior is enough for them to understand what they did wrong. I rarely scold them and if I do, they know that they went too far. Pat is more strict. It is because of that that the kids choose to come to me with bad tests or questions. They know that I am strict too, but they also know that I am crazy/eccentric/different and that I try to understand them.

I love my husband. Of course today’s love is very different from the love I felt 20 years ago, but I would not want to share my life with anyone else. It might look as if he does not care enough, but that it was gives me the freedom to find out who I am. No, I could not imagine my life without my gentle giant. (Pat is 2m tall and weighs about 150kg. He has the most amazing green eyes, a beautiful smile and is just the right amount of ginger.) I think the only thing that really bothers me or aggravates me sometimes is the way he clears his throat and that he controls my finances. The thing about the finances: we have a joint account and he regularly checks what I paid with my Visa Card and that annoys me.

But he makes me smile. And he also takes care of me with little things. Like, when he does the groceries, be brings vegetables that I like. Or for our last anniversary, he brought me 15 roses. The times he brought home flowers or jewelry can be counted on one hand. (well if you exclude watches, because he bought me countless watches because he knows that I love them).

Sometimes, I send him text messages saying I love him when he sits on the couch next to me. And he smiles but never replies. And sometimes, I take him in my arms and tell him that i love him and he looks down at me just so…

I met Patrick online in January 2000. It is safe to say, he changed my life.