Today is one of those days where I tried writing replies to posts/tweets/whatever and deleted them again because my words seem unimportant. Empty words.
I had another doctor’s appointment for the shoulder and arm today. Apparently, everything is tip-top. So why am I in pain? I am surely not imagining things? I can barely pull my pants up or close my bra. But, according to the doctors, everything is like it should be. I had to lift the arms and twist them this way or that; I had to push back and all that. The doc touched my shoulder and pushed some buttons… I pulled away, wincing in pain, but nope… All is okay. It is frustrating. I have had this problem since November 2019 (!)… And some days, it is okay and bearable, and other days it is just too much. And it hurts a lot right now. Truth be told, I think I did something wrong when I threw the Christmas tree out. But if a doc tells me to go back to normal, I do. This sucks. And because of the pain, my emotional stress is off the charts too. Anxiety eats at me. And I am tired. The pain keeps me from sleeping properly.
But… And this is the positive: I am alive and otherwise healthy. I have a job that is waiting for me a couple more weeks and I am sure there are many more reasons to be cheerful. Fake it till you make it.
reflections of an unquiet mind 