Truth about Cathy

One truth about me is that I hate December. I don’t easily use the word hate. It packs so many feelings. But I hate December. While everyone gathers their family around and celebrated with their parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, with their entire familles, I don’t know how that feels. It’s been years since I celebrated Christmas with the family. And believe it or not, I never celebrated with my father. And each year, I am reminded of that. Of that small fact that I am rootless, even though I have roots. They have just been cut off. And it was not my doing.

Sure, I have my own family. Kids. A man in my life. It is just not the same. And I do celebrate with family. My husband’s family. I like those people, but again, they are not my family.

So there you go. Festive season is not really mine. All these ads on TV with happy families, friends telling me about their plans and I am happy for them. All of them. But it makes me lonely too.

I look at my children and hope that their strings (and ours) will not fray like this. I hope that they will always know that they have roots in my heart.

If this little girl has a space in your heart… Remember me this month. And send me your love, because I need it even more than I usually do.

Cathy

PS: I started phisiotherapy for my headaches and migraines. Apparently, the spasms and tensions in my neck are the reason for my headaches. So, there are many knots in my muscles which are made worse with my job. Yesterday, I had the first session (of 8). Twice a week, my neck will be tortured to loosen the muscles. But first, I had the pleasure to receive acupuncture to make the muscles twitch. It damages the muscle tissue so that it can heal itself. Needless to say, today I am in a lot of pain. It gets worse before it gets better. And I hope this to be true. xx