Category: short stories

I am nervous. It isn’t only the flight that makes my pulse race, but it is the knowledge that in a few hours, I will be able to look into his eyes, to hear his real voice, to feel his arms around myself and to smell his scent. All for the first time.
This is not my typical self. I was never the adventurous type, I prefer to live my life as straight-forward and predictable as possible.
But then I met him. A lot of things are different with him. We met on the web. It was never really my world and meeting a man and falling in love? That was for fools only. He made the first step, chatting me up and at first it was only meant to be fun and distracting for me. Banter and flirting, where’s the harm in that? Slowly though, his emails and the photos he sent me day after day, became the highlight of my mornings. And now I sit here. In a tin can that is about to fly me across the ocean and to him, and I only have a one-way ticket.

****

The plane starts to move and takes me out of my reveries. The flight will be long. There will be time to worry and to be happy and to be afraid too. For now, my hands are clammy as the trees become a blur and I get pushed into my seat. Takeoff. Silent tears stream down my face. I am not able to stop them and I am too panicked to make a sound. I look out of the window, grabbing the armrests until my knuckles become white, and I can only see the clear blue sky. I look past the row of other passengers and look out of the opposite window. I can only see green fields. My hands grip the armrest that separates me from the empty seat next to me tighter, and my fingers hurt, but I am ready letting go. It’s becoming my safety. And then plane seems to have reached its travel height. The tension slowly fades away and I breathe relieved. I am not really afraid to fly, I am panicked for the takeoff and with no one by my side, to soothe or distract me, that fear is almost overwhelming. Once the plane is up in the air, everything is okay, I have to sit by the window though. I need to see everything around me, the fake control calms me.

****

I am giving up my old life for him. I sold everything I couldn’t fit into a few bags, I gave up my job and my flat, only to fly into the unknown. A new continent, a different language, no job, no apartment and I have never even met the man in person. He is supposed to take me in and help me get my feet on the ground over there. What, if he doesn’t like me? What if we don’t get along? And what if he is a creep? Before I can rile myself up too badly, I feel my eyelids becoming heavy and I slowly drift off into a dreamless sleep. The Xanax is kicking in.
Next thing I know is that a flight attended wakes me up and asks me to fasten my seat belt. “We are going to land soon.” Did I actually sleep almost six hours? In a plane? Alone?
The plane lands effortlessly and I breathe again. It feels like the first since I woke up this morning. The landing is never as hard for me as the takeoff, because of the pure knowledge, that soon there will be solid ground under my feet again.
People scramble their belongings together and make their ways to the exit, where a flight attendant waits and says good-bye to every passenger. I like this. It’s nice. It’s normalcy.

As soon as I enter the terminal, my heart begins to pound in my chest. The inevitable moment is close. I don’t have to wait long at the baggage claim. My bags come early and I heave them onto my luggage cart. I hate to steer those things because they never go in the direction I want them to go, but with a bit of effort, I push it to the exit. Ropes separate the newly arrived from the ones being there to pick them up. My heart beats so fast, it threatens to burst my ribcage. It’s an unpleasant feeling. I see people falling into each other’s arms, crying happy tears and clinging onto each other. Families, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons… Different people who arrived at their destination. Not me. I am an alien.
The crowd slowly dissipates and I am still looking for the one person who was set to pick me up. I’m beginning to fear that he isn’t here, but then, through a group of laughing teenagers, I see a man holding up a poster. SHELLY, it reads. That’s my nickname. It is him. I feel hot and I smile. I don’t want to do it, but I can’t stop or hide it. It takes me a moment to get my legs moving. They are like lead and trembling as if I had never taken a step before.
At first sight and from the distance, he is even more gorgeous than he was in his pictures. I see him stretching and rising on his tiptoes. He is scanning the crowd with a frown. I can see the exact moment his eyes land on me and he recognized me. A bright smile erupts on his face and I know it was mirroring my own.
Step by tiny step, we get closer to each other until we both stop in our tracks. Only three steps separated us and I see his face becoming serious, the smile faded. How do I approach him? Are there any rules for this? I am unsure what to do, my instinct tells me to run away from this weird situation, but my body doesn’t want to obey. And I don’t know where to hide anyway. Dreadful moments pass and I wait. Frozen. Unable to act or react.
“Shelly,” he whispers almost inaudibly, because of the busy people hurrying to get to their planes and the ones hurrying to get home. I nod, not knowing what else to do.
The poster glides from his hands and slides to the floor while he takes another step towards me. Feet are walking over the white sheet of paper. The suspense and anticipation are killing me. My heart still races and if nothing happens now, the moment passes and we will never get it back. I can’t contain myself any longer and almost jump into his arms. He catches me with ease. He is shorter than I had imagined him to be, but he is still a few inches taller than me. My body fits his perfectly. I bury my nose in his neck and smile when I noticed his scent. It is an aphrodisiac for me. His arms come up and circled my waist almost lifting me off the floor and I laugh happily. The sound is bubbling out of me. His arms feel like home and I haven’t even heard him say more than a whisper.
My hands cup his cheeks and I scan his face. I look into his eyes – beautiful light green eyes. I take a step back, not to walk away, but to get a proper look at him. His cheeks are stubbly, just how I love it and his ginger hair is cut close to the head, but not too close. He is gorgeous. His lush lower lip begs to be kissed and again, it is me, who takes the first step and I kiss him hesitantly. He kisses me back and pulls me closer to him. All of this is shallow and I know it, it is appearances and superficialities, but I already know the person hiding inside.
Reluctantly, he lets go of me and now, he looks me up and down, making me slightly uncomfortable. Mere moments ago, I did the same to him and I feel a little ashamed that I did. What does he see when he looks at me?
“Let’s go home,” he says smiling and with a grunt, he gets my luggage cart to move and pushes it towards to parking lot.
Time and time again, we look at each other, only to shyly look away again. We load my bags into his truck and he comes around to open my door. His truck seems huge, but every car I see here is. I am not in Kansas – Europe – anymore.
Before I can climb into the huge vehicle, he holds me by the wrist and spins me around. I stumble into his arms, but again, he catches me with ease. He lowers his lips to mine and then, kisses me passionately. I’ve been kissed before – a lot, but I’ve never been kissed like this before. It takes my breath away and leaves a warm feeling inside. My heart skips a beat and it is as though an electrical shock rushes through my entire body. I am aware of how silly it sounds, even more so because I used to make fun of people saying this. But wow… If I had doubted my decision earlier, now I was sure to be at the right place with the right person.
“I am glad you are here. Finally.” His voice is gentle, but deep and a little hoarse. I like it very much and I wonder what it will sound like in the morning when he wakes up. It occurs to me that I will hear it soon enough and it makes me smile again.
“You must be starving. Would you like to go out on a dinner date with me?” he asks formally. It takes me a while to find the right words and my voice, but I accept his invitation. Of course I do. We seal the agreement to our first date with a long kiss. A car honks and we break apart. We drive off. Destination unknown.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a lonely King by the name of Gideon. Gideon had known a lot of miseries and in its wake he had forgotten how to laugh and be silly, and his days were filled with grumbling and moaning about his so sad life. Day in and day out he sat on his golden throne, barking orders and sighing. His face had a constant frown and to his entourage, this was the only facial expression they knew. Then, one day, the young and lonely King took a stroll through the gardens of his castle. Looking down the walls he saw the bustle and jollity of the market and he decided to visit his underlings. The sad King Gideon marched through the gates and at that moment a young unknown Prince fell from his horse in front of the lonely King’s feet in a rather clumsy manner. The King felt a strange sensation in his gut when he saw the rather handsome man, and it traveled up to his face. A twitch at the corners of his mouth and then a grimace appeared on his face, one that tugged the edges of his mouth upward. The King’s entourage froze and they were scandalized. They had never seen him with such an expression on his face and at once, the King was ushered back into his castle and a doctor was called. The fair doctor made the King undress and examined him from head to toe. He listened and he tapped, he pushed and he pulled and after a long time of humming and scratching his bearded chin, the bespectacled older man rubbed his bald head and shook it. He was rather helpless and had no cure for the King’s strange condition.

The young Prince, who had traveled for many moons, felt guilty about being the reason the mighty lonely King was sick and so, he had stayed at the castle and awaited the verdict off the good doctor and the King’s entourage. All of them were helpless and saddened about King Gideon’s state of health. The thick stone walls reverberated with sad wails and the Prince took all his courage and asked to see the King. He introduced himself – Prince Idris from the Kingdom of Cameronia, told the purpose of his visit – an apology and to bring the King a gift from his homeland, far far away, and he asked for permission to spend the next three nights at the court, in order to regain his own strengths after a strenuous journey. The audience and the stay were granted by the King’s personal counselor and the Prince was allowed to see the King in his throne room. A crowd had gathered to see the foreign Prince and to hear his public apology.
In his nervous state, Prince Idris held his hat in his hand and played with its rim, he didn’t dare raising his gaze to look at the sad and sick King and knelt on the steps that led up to the throne. The floor was cool and hard. Even through the thick leather of his pants he felt the cold in his knees.

“Dearest King, I owe you an apology,” the young man croaked. The King nodded for the Prince to go on and speak, but because of his bowed head he didn’t see it. A guard nudged his calf with his boot and the Prince lost his balance and just before he fell down the steps on which he knelt, he yelped. A mysterious sound escaped the King’s mouth and everyone present stared at him in astonishment. His face was contorted in that strange grimace again. Out of the crowd an anonymous voice screeched: “It’s the Prince. He has our lonely King bewitched.” Murmuring voiced agreed and heads nodded. “Beheaded he shall be!” Declared a counselor of the mighty King. The Prince was startled and kneeling anew, he made his way closer to the King.
“Mercy, your Majesty. Please, have mercy.” He pleaded and looked up into the King’s face for the first time. What he saw surprised him and he turned around to see the crowd cheering for his head to be speared at the marketplace. The King looked down and a frown installed itself on his forehead. It was deep as if it had been there for many years. It made the young King look old and tired. Another murmur went through the crowd. The King raised his hand and the crowd was silenced. “He’s back to normal,” the Prince heard a loud whisper coming from behind his back.
“Prince Idris, speak! What is that witchery that makes me feel odd here,” the King pointed to his belly, “and here,” he pointed to his face, “and that only happens when you are around? Speak and lift the maleficent spell.” The King’s voice boomed through the halls and the Prince cowered in front of the man.
“It’s not a spell, your Majesty. It is happiness, maybe even love, and you are smiling.” Loud whispers echoed in the hall.
“Love? Smiling?” The King got up from his throne and marched down the steps. He halted in front of the kneeling Prince and motioned him to get up too. “And that fluttery feeling in my belly? Is it going to kill me?” The King feared for his life, but the Prince smiled. The King laid a hand on his flat stomach, the fluttery feeling was back upon seeing the glint in the brown eyes of the young Prince. Prince Idris blushed. “You are not sick, your Majesty. Feeling love is not going to kill you. It is how people feel when they are in love. It’s normal.” The Prince had always known that he wasn’t made to take a bride and so he had visited many Kingdoms in the hopes to find the one where he could find a King for his own lonely heart. His heart had fluttered when he had seen King Gideon for the first time. A gorgeous man with a divine smile. Strange that he didn’t have a clue about the worldliest feelings. The King frowned and whispered: “But you are a man, I cannot make you my Queen, can I?”

The young Prince felt brave and faced the King again, this time he made their eyes meet. His own stomach felt the somersaults inside of him.
“You are the King. You make the rules. And if finding love, happiness and companionship with a man, is what makes you less sad and lonely, then you should change the dusty old rules.” The Prince smiled and lowered his eyes again. In the crowd, he heard sharp intakes of breaths. The halls were silent.
“We could never produce heirs,” the King looked at a counselor who shook his head in agreement.
“But with all due respect, your Highness, there are many orphans who would be happy to find a loving family,” the Prince objected. The King faced the crowd, then he scrutinized the young Prince.
“Right.” The King turned around and took a seat on his throne. He put his finger against his lips and the frown reappeared, but then a smile chased it away and the King stood up. The smile on his face became more and more comfortable and it was no longer a foreign grimace. Even the people in the hall saw how handsome their young King was when he wasn’t frowning.

“I hereby decree that I will take Prince Idris as my Queen. The wedding shall be held in seven days,” the King cleared his throat: “I will take Prince Idris as my King, of course.”
While he went over to his new fiancé, the crowd was confused. The King raised his voice one last time: “Go my beloved friends and arrange your Kings’ marriage. You’ll be invited to a magnificent feast.” King Gideon let his knuckles caress Prince Idris’s cheek. “Do you want to be my King?” The Prince nodded shyly. “Will you show me how to laugh and to love?” The King asked furthermore, and again, the Prince nodded. “Will you start with a kiss? I have never kissed anyone, apart from my mother.” This time, the Prince didn’t nod. He leaned closer to the King, their chests touched and then the Prince laid his lips on the King’s. The fluttering feeling in the King’s stomach intensified. Normal, he thought. I have never been normal before. He smiled again.

Seven days passed with Prince Idris teaching King Gideon about life and love. The wedding was held and a feudal feast was arranged.

Prince Idris had found his King and the King was finally not sad and lonely anymore. And the Kings adopted seven orphaned children and lived happily ever after.

FIN

*Wonsaponatime is not my wordcreation, but John Lennon’s. I burrowed it for this little fairy tale.

Fire had always fascinated him. Flames burning colorful. Powerful. A fire has the ability to save lives and to end lives. Yes, fire was his favorite element. There was nothing more exciting than a matchstick that lit up or the red embers casting gloomy shadows.
His fingers were cold and a distored smile spread on his face. He took his most precious gift – a lighter, out of his pocket and lit the end of a piece of paper on fire. He saw it burn and loved it. The smell, the colors, the sound of the flames eating the paper. Pure satisfaction.

Alien, that’s how she felt.

Beneath layers of clothes and make-up, her old self was still hiding.

Could she really erase the old and embrace the new?

Doubts spread like wildfire inside of her.

Everything always caused doubts.

Fear and panic attacks were lurking just around the corner, waiting for her.

Gullible as she was, she believed all the negative words that had once been used to label her.

How could she not?

In all her years on earth, only few people showed kindness towards her.

Jumbling her usual and annoying thoughts, she made a decision.

Keys in hand, she walked out and slammed the door to find her car.

Loneliness threatened to claim her, but she pushed it away.

Minutes later, she sat in her car, staring outside the window and clutching the steering wheel with her hands.

Now was the time to break old habits.

Old habits die hard though

Quietness was not her friend and again, her brain started to meddle.

Right then, she noticed a bird sitting on a branch.

Staring at him, she wished that she could be just as carefree as he was.

Too many fears and responsibilities held her back from doing what she liked, from being who she really was.

Under the crushing pressure of making a decision to either move or stay put, she finally broke down in tears, making a new decision.

Vanity made her check her surroundings to see if no one was watching her melt-down.

With all her might she fought her demons back into the shadows.

Xenophobia made it harder and harder to be at places like this.

Yonder in the yard, she saw movement.

Zappy people were dancing and laughing and finally, cleaning herself up, she got back to her own birthday party.

###

This was an A-Z challenge. The assignment was to write a short story with 26 sentences. Every sentence had to begin with the next letter of the alphabet.

http://www.wattpad.com/88070153-a-christmas-love-story-a-christmas-love

Wrote this over the last couple of days… I hope you enjoy it.

xx

“Come to me…” She heard the whispered words again and again. She saw the hand reach out for her and she tried to grab it. But it was in vain. Her fingers never touched the ones that were outreached to her. She saw the despair in his face and tried harder to get to him, but the last inch to be there, grab him and cling to him was always missing.

Startled, she woke up. Drenched in sweat and tears. She had had this dream so many times before and each time it became realer and more intense. She wanted to be with him, that was all she knew and cared about. The yellow streetlights illuminated her dark room, casting gloomy shadows on the ceilings. It didn’t appease her. A storm was raging outside and branches of the large tree in front of her window whipped against the glass. It made for a frightening soundtrack of the night. She laid down again and punched her pillow a couple of times, until it had the desired shape and turned to the side. She never closed her eyes. They stayed glued on the window. She was waiting for him. She waited for the familiar shadow to appear.

~~°~~

“Come to me…” He whispered the words in her ear, trying to soak in her familiar scent. She was asleep and didn’t hear him. He reached his hand out to touch her and she tried to touch him too, but it was to no avail. As much as he wanted to feel her skin against his own for one last time, it was impossible. He couldn’t hide the pain he felt and he knew that she saw it. He tried harder to reach her, but the last inch to grab her and take her with him was always missing. 

Her time hadn’t come yet. And until then, he had to wait and be patient. He visited her every night, but on one particular night every year, she could see him. He sat on the windowsill and listened to the storm while he watched her sleep with her eyes wide open.

~~°~~

She saw him. He sat on the windowsill with a smile on his face. Occasionally, he looked outside as if in deep thought and when his head turned back to face her, she thought she had seen a frown. This night, this particular night was always the same for her and she loved and dreaded it alike. It was the night he was back and her dreams seemed so much realer than every other day. Days prior, she didn’t sleep, because she waited for him to appear. She wished he would stay longer than only that night and she wished he would talk to her. Instead he sat there and watched her. It was all a dream. A hallucination. That’s what they said. But she knew better.

~~°~~

He smiled at her and watched over her. Occasionally, he looked outside and it reminded him of that fateful day years ago.

He had been drunk after the party. He shouldn’t have walked home in his state, but he had also known that he was in no shape to drive. She had called him on his phone and he had slurred that he loved her. He had wanted to see her and took a shortcut through the woods. It had been raining that night and dark. Really dark. He had started to run with an unknown urge to be with her and then, it had happened. He had fallen down a slope and he had hit his head on a rock. When he had woken up, he had laughed because he had known that the fall could have killed him.

And it had, but he hadn’t known until he had realized that the lifeless body he been staring had been his own. It had happened so fast. A light tunnel had grabbed him and he had fought to stay and go see her one last time, but the force that had taken him from this earth was stronger than everything else he had ever experienced. He had made a deal with the invisible force. He had stopped struggling, but only because he had been granted one last wish; to see her on that day. And he had been granted that wish. He came back. Every year until it was the time to finally take her hand and take her with him.

~~°~~

The night was fading and the storm was calming down. The shadows on her ceiling slowly vanished, but he was still there and she kept watching him. In her mind, she told him that she loved him and that she missed him. In her mind she told him everything she wanted him to know. She didn’t react when there was a knock on the door. She knew what would be happening next. A woman in a lab coat bent over her and pushed her hair out of her face. He smiled at her and waved, then he blew her a kiss and she saw him say “I love you” but she didn’t hear the words. She blinked and he was gone. The woman who had entered obscured the view to the window now and helped her sit up.

“It’s time for your pills honey.” Two cups were put in front of her and she obediently emptied them both before she opened her mouth to show that everything was gone.

~~°~~

The nurse patted the patient’s shoulder and retreated. She key locked the door again once she was outside and sighed. Halloween was always the worst day for this patient. It had been five years now, since she was with them and although she was better on most days, on October 31st, she was suicidal and had to stay in lockup for her own safety. She had never talked about the events that had ended her in this institution, but the nurse didn’t need to hear the details. She knew that only love could make someone loose their mind, the way this woman had.

###

I wrote this for a Halloween themed collection. I am no fan of zombies or that day in general and I came up with this. Halloween reminds me of the actor River Phoenix, who died on October 31st 1993. So I guess this story is a little dedicated to him.
Thoughts?

xx

You lie on the floor, dirty and discarded. No one gives you a second look and no one is willing to touch you with their bare hands. You’ve been lying there for a couple of days now, but nobody cares. The stink makes them turn up their noses, but they won’t help you no matter what.
The saddest part is that you’ve lost your significant other. Someone helped her, but ignored you. And while she has a new life, you lie in grime and disgrace. Maybe all that is missing is a hole in your body. Thankfully, it’s not that bad. Yet.
You long to feel a warm body against you again. Inside of you. But as long as you are like this – dirty and stinky, nobody is going to see you. You fight for attention every day, but you only succeed in being pushed farther away.
You miss your significant other and wonder if she’s found someone new already. You always knew that she would leave you at the first opportunity, but to leave you like this – in this misery, that was low even for her.
You used to be together. Always. You were a pair and did everything together, but she abandoned you and you will have to rot there in the dark. Alone and cold. Scared too. This is not the right life for you. Without her, there is not reason for you to hope and to live anymore and that thought makes you loose hope.
You are only a sock after all. Pushed underneath the bed and forgotten. All alone. No body needs a single sock. Dust gathers on you and you wish you could go to sleep, but you can’t. You can hear the life around you while you are in the dark. No body is missing you. At least not enough.
But what is this? A hand grabs you and you revel in the feel of warm skin against you.
“Mom… I found my lost sock!” the sound coming out of the little human’s face is too loud and then, he throws you away again. This time, you landed in sock heaven. A hamper full of clothes and underwear and the you see her. Time slows down. She looks just as beautiful as she did the day you were put together at the factory. She sees you too and you know, that your pain has ended. The days you had to suffer on your own on the cold floor underneath a bed are over. Soon you will be paired with your loved one again.
Life for a sock is not always easy, but it’s surely an exciting one.

I kept my eyes on the tide and saw the waves crash around my naked feet. The water was cold, but I stood up anyway. The cold beguiled me to come closer and I did. Step after step, the water around me got higher and the sand beneath my feet pushed through in between my toes. My nakedness didn’t shield me from the cold November day, as goosebumps arose on my skin. Every other day, I would have turned around to get out of the cold and warm myself and my weary body. But today wasn’t any other day. Today was the anniversary. My teeth began to clatter and I felt my body tremble to try and preserve what little heat was still inside. My waist long hair began sticking to my back and I walked on. I couldn’t bear the loss anymore. My hands lay on the water, feeling the waves and the gentle movements of them. The dark water called my name and I followed the call. Nothing made sense in the days and weeks without you. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I stopped and opened my eyes again. Was I really ready to go on? I remembered how you always told me not to doubt myself this much. The sea was wilder now and the waves that crashed against my body weren’t gentle anymore. They hurt like whippings. The salt burned in my eyes. I rubbed them, but it was to no avail. It only got worse. I gave up. This was my fate now. I gulped and I coughed, as some of the water found a way into my mouth. I tried to spit it out, but I had already swallowed a mouthful. It reminded me faintly of that soup you once made for us. You had put too much salt in it and we laughed about it for weeks.
Another step. Yes. The darkness, became a lightness. A lightness, that made me float. I lost my footing and had no other choice than go with the flow. I would not swim. I would not fight. I let it take me. Claim me. Darkness wiped all the bad memories away.
-^–^–^-
I sit by my window looking outside. I am grounded once again. My mom caught me looking at porn. I’m thirteen and curious and I have internet. I am not a kid anymore. The day is grey and clouds hide the sun, it has no chance to shine. I listen to the waves that hit the shore and let the sound calm me. I am used to the sound, but some days, it calms me more than others. I am nervous – anxious, but I don’t know why. I put my chin in the palm of my hand to support my head. I am tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. I worried too much. Not only about my mom, but also about life and death and being a teenager and an adult.
That feeling in my stomach, that something terrible is about to happen refused to be calmed at night and even today, it is still there. Persisting. I yawn and then I see her. A woman. Her hair is long and brown. Is she naked? She is too far away to tell, but maybe she wears one of these modern nude colored bathing suits that I saw in my mom’s fashion magazines. I don’t know. Her hair stands in dark contrast to her skin or the piece of cloth she wears. I see her walking right towards the water. The thought of it makes me shudder. It must be freezing. It’s cold outside on this day in November. I watch her walking on and see the sea lap at her calves and thighs. I wonder, if I should call the police or an ambulance, but I don’t do it. It’s none of my business anyway. I am just a grounded child. Who would believe me anyway. I just sit on my windowsill and watch the sea swallow the woman. And suddenly, she is gone. Completely gone. I can’t see her anymore.
I assume that she went back to the shore and I turn my back on the scene too. The queasiness I felt before is gone. The anxiety is gone too. I sit on my bed and turn up the volume of my music. I fall asleep. I let my dreams take me. Claim me. Darkness wipes all the bad memories away.

–^–^–^-
Inspired by this song:

The feeling was new, yet familiar as Sebastian walked down a long bright corridor. It was shapeless or at least, it felt that way. There was no way that he could tell, if it was rectangular or oval. Shapeless. White. Everything was white and clean. He would have expected the walls to be smudged by now with different sorts of stains. They looked immaculate however, as if he was the first person, to ever walk down this path.

He was scared, but not scared at all at the same time.

Sebastian instinctively knew where he was going and he knew where he was coming from. His heart thundered in his chest, he even felt the pounding in his ears. For all the wrong steps, he had taken in his past, he knew, he felt it in the deepest recess of his mind, that this was good and these steps were right. He took them with vigor, relishing the feeling of his own steady step.

He came to a crossing. A choice needed to be made, but he was so unsure which way to go on. He turned and looked at every new way.

North. East. West. South.

Every way looked just the same. He spun around again, this time with his eyes closed and made his choice. Sebastian took a tentative step and a deep breath. Instinctively, this path felt right. Maybe there was no wrong path to take. Maybe they all led him to home and happiness. He walked on and the white became green and blue, with only specs of white left. He felt the emerald green grass underneath his naked feet. Two feet. He hadn’t felt this since his childhood. There was always something keeping him from going barefoot through the grass. Wasps. Other people looking. Morning dew. Until it was too late and he felt foolish for even thinking about it.

Not this time.

Not this time.

He drew in a deep breath and he smelled the scent of fresh grass. It filled his nostrils and made him exhale with a smile. He was going home. Everything felt right.

Every step he took forward was a conscious step, until he stopped and took the time to raise his head and look up at the sky. It was, as if he was looking into a gem stone. Sapphire blue. Just like he remembered it from his childhood. The sun warmed his skin. Not even the shadow the sparse clouds cast over him took that pleasant feeling away from him.

Freedom.

He felt free. Freer than he had ever felt these last years.

A shiver ran down his spine and goosebumps covered his skin all of a sudden. He looked around and realized that he was alone. All the beauty of the scenery couldn’t make up for that hollow cold feeling, that was spreading fast from his stomach to his heart and made it beat faster. There were no familiar faces. No one was waiting for him. Anxiety took over and he reeled. There was nothing to hold on too and the content feeling he had felt while walking down the white corridor or the happy memories, that he remembered while crossing the meadow were gone.

The outside hadn’t changed. It was the inside that was shifting. Sweat was forming at his temples and ran down in long trails. He felt exposed and silly. His throat was burning and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe.

There was no need to breathe. It was strange, but it was real. Even without breathing, he was still there. His chest felt constricted, but he was not in pain. The moment he recognized it, the anxiety faded again. He was shaking, not from the cold, not from fear. He simply was shaking.

Deciding, that it was time to walk on, beguiled by the thought of coming home, he brushed his hair out of his face and marched on.

No – not marched. He didn’t march, because he enjoyed every single step he took. Savored it. His skin started to prickle and he instinctively knew, that he was no longer alone. He closed his eyes and listened. But there was no sound. No sound, except for the wind, that blew softly around him. Opening his eyes again, he was startled, when his surroundings were changed completely. No blue in the sky and no green on the ground.

Instead, he found himself in a new empty space. Dark. There was a door, cast in a shining white light, but nothing else. He looked back, but all he saw was a black eternal room. He had no idea, where it ended or where it started, he only knew, that the only way out was through the door.

“Sebastian. I was waiting for you.” a familiar voice said. Tears filled his eyes at once. He didn’t see anyone, but he knew the voice. He would recognize it everywhere and always. It was branded in his mind. Frantically, he turned and tried to find the source of the voice, but he couldn’t find it.

“Jamie where are you?” the distress in his voice was evident. For years and years, he longed to see Jamie again, be with him again and now he was close, so close. But he couldn’t see him.

“Come closer to the door and you will see me. I was waiting for you.” Jamie’s voice repeated again.

Sebastian tried to walk, but his legs didn’t move.

“I can’t. Jamie help me. Wait for me.” Sebastian pleaded desperately. New panic arose. Cutting of his throat again. He reached out his hand in a frail attempt to get to Jamie. But whatever he did, he couldn’t see him and he couldn’t move.

“Try harder.” Jamie whispered in Sebastian’s ear. The sudden proximity made Sebastian spin around with such force, that he almost fell over. He faced Jamie.

A young vital man. Alive. Real.

Hesitantly, Sebastian raised his hand to touch Jamie’s cheek. He almost didn’t dare to let his hand reach its destination, but Jamie leaned into the touch. Sebastian deflated a bit. A weight was falling off his shoulders. Home. He was home.

“I didn’t have the chance to tell you, that I would wait for you. And I waited. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. Decades. It doesn’t matter anymore. Time doesn’t matter, as long as you are with me again.” Sebastian’s hand slipped from Jamie’s face, over his bare shoulder, down his sculpted arm, until it rested in his hand. He took a small step back, to look Jamie up and down.

He was still the young man he used to be. Not an ounce of fat was on his body. Dark hair was dusted all over his body. There was nothing, that reminded of that dreadful last night they had shared. No mark. No scar. Sebastian’s free hand moved on its own accord and came to rest over Jamie’s heart.

“How can this be?” he asked, looking for an answer in Jamie’s green eyes.

“It’s how our story is supposed to end. Everything is determined. We are only puppets, walking the way that was set for us long ago. Call it fate or whatever you want. This is greater than us. So much so, that we will never be able to conceive it with our human minds. It’s time to let go now Sebastian.”

“I am scared Jamie.”

“I know. There is no need to be scared.” Jamie pulled Sebastian closer and let his arm envelop the other man in an embrace. “Just let go. I am here. You will not fall and you are not alone. Let go Sebastian.”

And Sebastian let go.

He saw Agnes and Jordan, with their children. JJ – Jamie Junior, was already a teenager. They had a beautiful daughter too and it was hard to let them go. Sebastian saw Kai, who had finally found his own happiness, with a beautiful pregnant wife. He would never bicker with his twin again and he would never meet his brother’s children. He saw Ryan, who had been the only love he had ever experienced, after Jamie’s passing. A love that was profound, but not enough to stand the test of time. Ryan had moved on quickly and was happy being single. Sebastian saw himself, dancing on a stage. His favorite piano piece was playing. He was young and healthy. Nothing showed of his ordeal and he looked happy. Sebastian saw Jamie and the night they had made love for the first time. It suddenly felt so real and as if it was happening again. Sebastian saw himself again. This time, he was lying on a floor. His eyes were open, but empty. His hand lay on his chest, covering his heart and a smile curled around his lips.

Jamie held Sebastian’s hand tighter and guided him to the bright shining door.

“When we walk through this door together, with joined hands, our souls will unite and we will become one. Do you want me to let you go?” Jamie’s voice was wavering. Fear stabbed at him, until Sebastian turned him in his arms and took his face in both hands. He rested his lips on Jamie’s and pulled back again. For years, he had longed to feel those lips against his own again. He had always thought, that it was impossible and yet, it was happening

“I am ready and I will not let you go again. Never again.” Sebastian smiled. He felt serene and he finally understood, why Jamie had been calm and serene when he died. It was a feeling, as if nothing would matter anymore. His heart was filled with a pleasant heat and love radiated through every pore in his body.

Jamie reached for the doorknob, but Sebastian held him back. “Wait!” Jamie took his hand back. He faced Sebastian with a chuckle.

“You are here to guide me through the light. Who was here for you?” Sebastian hoped, that Jamie had not been alone.

“My grand-parents. They were here for me. They walked through the door together and I followed alone, because I knew, that you would come someday and I wanted to be here for you. I was waiting for you, my love.” Sebastian nodded and squeezed Jamie’s hand.

Together, they took one last unneeded deep breath and walked through the shining light.

At last, they were reunited. They became a bright star in the eternal night sky.