forever wounds

All I've ever known was the storm and the rain
Uprooted early on, destined to live in silent pain.
There was no touch, no praise, no maternal love
I was flying yet falling like a featherless dove.
Hopeless, desperate; I ran towards a dire fate;
But something made me slow down and wait.
A spirit's breath and an angel's voice,
Barely heard above the constant noise.
And so I stopped and took heed
Of the little things and my own needs.
The introspection almost pulled me under
As I found myself threatened by roaring thunder.
A hand reached out to me - divine connection;
Something was born from this genuine affection.
In your arms, I grew from a seed into a great big tree
For the first time in my life, being loved was for free.
I'm holding on to this feeling for as long as I can
So that one day, we tell the story of how it all began.
Until then, whispers will fill a river of dreams
Only I can understand and I know what they mean.
Someday, we will walk under the warming sun,
Finally home, safe - with no reasons to run.
I will break the cycle of indifference and hate
It is worth the fight, I feel it; it is not too late.
But I need you to remind me how to live
Because one day, I need to forget and forgive.
Your thoughts graze my soul and my skin
I take a deep breath, it is time to let the healing begin.

Little (a to z)

Little by little, less and less

Love and life – a mess

Lonely planet

Lavendary painted

Lullaby babies, fast asleep

Laundry forgotten in sky-high heaps.

Laughing about it all, (while)

Loathing the cracks in her wall.

Livid memories,

Lyrics and melodies.

Lying on her back

Listening to words in songs – all black.

Looking at the ceiling,

Letting herself be soothed by invincible meaning.

Little by little, she must confess,

Life and love – less mess.

Seven doors

There was once a girl, blonde pigtails on her head, white tights, blue dress, and black shoes; that’s how she was clad.

She lived in a big house, with parents, servants, dogs and cats, and even a small mouse.

One day, she was fooling around, she opened every door she saw, counting out them loud.

Behind door one, the were balloons, confetti, a clown, and cookies; it looked like a lot of fun.

Behind door two, sat an old man. He told stories of ancient times, and her excitement for the new grew.

Door three was locked with a key; she imagined a forest, exotic animals, and a huge tree.

Behind door four, the girl had a quick peek. Were there dwarfs playing on the wooden floor?

Behind door five, she took a look but quickly exited the buzzing beehive.

Door number six was closed. She opened it and groaned. Nothing worth seeing, just pile of useless bricks.

Behind door seven, all her fantasies were fulfilled, and she flew straight up to heaven.

But every last dream must end, and it left the blonde girl, smiling, and content.

An adventure needed to be planned to be experienced firsthand. But first, the little girl had to reign over her vast land.

Never forgotten were the seven doors, after her father’s demise she had to fight more important wars.

Years later, the girl was grey and old, but many stories were waiting to be told.

By the fire, her grandchildren listened eagerly, to the fantastic stories of their favourite granny.

And she remembered: “There was once a girl, blonde pigtails on her head, white tights, blue dress and black shoes that’s how she was clad…”

a final leap

I’m coming home, she said. 
But it was a lie
Words whispered at night into the sky.
The blues tugged at the corners of her being
If only the right one could be there, seeing.
But he never was.
Another human mind asleep
Never thinking or getting in too deep.
And as the wind invited her to join the never ending dance of life,
She let out a wail and jumped into the light.
This time, the words she had spoken had been true,
Hadn’t there been someone, someone new.
Without intent, he saved her from a graceless fall
Together they stood on the ledge of a wall.
I want to go home, she whispered.
Nodding, he took her hand
Together they took a leap into a foreign land.
Faded and jaded from years spent in misery,
These strangers joined each other for the rest of eternity.
Home is not a building made of bricks and stone
It is the person, that feeling we have when we aren’t alone.

my brightest star

Stolen kisses,
lots of them
A thousand misses
Again and again.

Cover my bruised heart
With sinful heat
Allow us a new start
You can take the lead.

The rhythm guides our moves
Undulating, thrusting;
The lovers’ groove
Never everlasting.

A blanket of sweat
Covers you and me
Allow me that;
Mark me with your seed.

Oh how I crave your touch
The blissful release
It doesn’t take too much
You get me there, with ease.

You between my thighs
You bring me peace
Never felt a higher high
Let me come, please.

I feel you inside
No protection at all
My eyes water with pride
As I suffer the final fall.

Some consider us a sin
But you are the best part of me
Completing me from within,
The one who opened my eyes to see.

I give myself to you
Heart, mind and soul
Give me yourself too
And I will fill your holes.

This is your song
You know who you are.
I haven’t known you for very long
But you are my brightest star.

Fellow traveller

I was a fellow traveller lost on this long winding road. Ready to give up; I sat and waited, but not one soul showed. The dirt and the dust were whirling through the air. Suddenly, you were there. You were pulling at my will to sit still. I got up and pasted my sweaty body against yours, and together we sailed to new shores. This fellow traveller had been found, minutes before she would have drowned. I became your queen, and you are my king, flying to the other side on a raven’s wing.

The Road (throwback poetry)

I’ve been on this road for many years
Trying to forget all those tears.
And in the deepest low
Behind the darkest glow,
Hope was always hiding
A light was always shining.

I’ve been on this road, walking endless miles
Ignoring the past’s echoes and its cries.
And as I stopped and sat down
It took me a moment to understand that there were new friends in town.
My restless travels and my frantic searching were in vain
This was where I wanted to be stayin’.

I’ve been down that road so many times
Creating stories and words in my minds.
And in the shining sun
When I felt like I needed to run,
I found solace in my broken thoughts,
Tying together their fraying knots.

But this is not the end of the road,
This traveler’s pace has just been slowed.
Soaking in the beautiful landscape
Even the one that was manmade.
Just resting my weary eyes
And listening to the path the soul takes when it flies…

No words to say

They don’t see what I can’t tell, they can’t understand that I am not well.

Everything is perfectly fine, apart from me and my mind.

Another morning filled with silent tears, this is the worst in years.

I can’t go on and I can’t give up, but I need to make this stop.

It’s crippling me, breaking me into pieces; the overwhelmed feeling increases.

I know they love me, they see me, but even their love can’t free me.

How can they see what I don’t tell, and that I am living in my personal hell?

I dread the moment when i lose my strength and cave. Until now, I have been brave. For now, I safe. Please, keep me safe?

Not in love

No rush to see you leave. No desire to chain your needs to mine. I don’t intend to be your heart’s thief. But I’ll allow it, it will be fine. Too damaged to accept admiration. Too much grief to feel elation. Shy and confuse and happy at once; using two-thousand and sixty-five different fonts. A light had blinded me, and so I slid back into the dark. I wanted to see and allowed the first spark. I am not in love, just intrigued. I am waiting for the realisation that all of this was dreamed. It is not, I know for sure. And a tiny piece of my heart will from now on be yours.

Oh honey

I fumble with my words and stumble over my soul
Honey, without you, I am not whole.
But how am I supposed to tell you that
I don’t regret the day we met.
So many unexpected moments that we shared
So many things we never dared.
But honey, without you I am not whole.
My being becomes a black hole
As I forget who I was
And do what this woman does.
Just a missing piece is who you are
And I have been wishing upon a star;
But honey, don’t forget, without you I am not whole.