untitled_20220511 (suggestions welcome)

We ran from each other until there was nowhere else to run.
We hid from each other until every cover was exhausted.
We fell deeply in lust until emotions took over.
We tried to be apart too many times but we always ceased to function properly.

Because without your presence, something is missing in my soul.
And without my presence, something is missing in your soul.

We ran in different directions until we stood toe to toe.
One look, one shared breath, and an explosion of emotions engulfed us in our own infinite love story.
Our abject loneliness vanished for we complete each other's lost souls.

We found ourselves in the essence of the other.

night terrors

Between the middle of the night and very early morning, I woke up.
I notice the first bird's song, reminding me of the new day.
If only I knew why I woke up with an agitated mind.

Is my heavy mind running towards you?
Are my thoughts busy soothing your dream?
And who is there to calm my racing heart and my dancing thoughts?

The rising sun shines through the cracks in the blinds
Birds and toads sing in duets, for my ears only
I close my eyes and count to ten, again and again.

I'm in need of sleep to free my mind of these borrowed emotions
Will I ever truly see the sky painted in the morning shades?
Breathing in and breathing out becomes my most important chore.

And as I drift off into the land of fantasies
I find myself in your safe and warm arms
This should be my piece of eternal peace.

But every day
Between the middle of the night and very early morning, I wake up...

Throwback poetry

Memories of you are dripping off the edge of my mind,
forming a puddle at my feet.
I might drown in the melancholia
of past days.
The November rain mingles with the remnants
of my grief.
To hold you again,
to taste your skin
one last time.
It all comes down to greed
I need more
more time
more me
more you;
More of everything.
Memories of you are dripping off the edge of my mind,
turning into a river.
I fall off the cliff.
Catch me while I
sacrifice my wings.
I am
and all I want is

(November 2015)

Sleep with me

Can you hear my heartbeat?

It is racing toward you

Yearning for your embrace

My nose is buried against your neck

It’s your presence and essence

They soothe me, saving me from my thoughts.

Your arms around me, my arms around you

Let me fall asleep inside you.

Throwback poem

Leaves dancing in the rain
Sun licking the morning dew;
Reflections in the window pane
Grey skies turning blue.

Behind a concealing mask
Feelings are an uncomfortable mess,
To understand is an unbearable task
And it’s easier to leave than to stay, I guess.

Toxic thoughts and actions;
Driving so-called friends away
Understanding their reactions
But missing them forever and a day.

More light in the dark
More tears in an ocean
Another life’s mark
Overcome by emotion.

A head full of spinning thoughts
Cowering in the corner of my mind
To unfurl their knots.
Once again, I am left behind.

A soap bubble of for never
Floating up to the clouds
A memory to stay forever
Hidden from the crowds.

I am the shadow in my light
I am the hope in my despair
But after my lastest sleepless night
I can say that I am still there.

The Road (throwback poetry)

I’ve been on this road for many years
Trying to forget all those tears.
And in the deepest low
Behind the darkest glow,
Hope was always hiding
A light was always shining.

I’ve been on this road, walking endless miles
Ignoring the past’s echoes and its cries.
And as I stopped and sat down
It took me a moment to understand that there were new friends in town.
My restless travels and my frantic searching were in vain
This was where I wanted to be stayin’.

I’ve been down that road so many times
Creating stories and words in my minds.
And in the shining sun
When I felt like I needed to run,
I found solace in my broken thoughts,
Tying together their fraying knots.

But this is not the end of the road,
This traveler’s pace has just been slowed.
Soaking in the beautiful landscape
Even the one that was manmade.
Just resting my weary eyes
And listening to the path the soul takes when it flies…

Oh honey

I fumble with my words and stumble over my soul
Honey, without you, I am not whole.
But how am I supposed to tell you that
I don’t regret the day we met.
So many unexpected moments that we shared
So many things we never dared.
But honey, without you I am not whole.
My being becomes a black hole
As I forget who I was
And do what this woman does.
Just a missing piece is who you are
And I have been wishing upon a star;
But honey, don’t forget, without you I am not whole.


Despite the words said to her,

Every kindness, every desire for her, felt fake.

She couldn’t see what they saw.

Inside, she was rotting away.

Really, who could desire her?


Time out

I need a time out
Off time
Lost me
Found me
Changed so much
I didn’t recognise
My shadows.
Shallow strength
Wallowing in pain
I need a time out
To introduce myself
To the person in the mirror again.