new emotion

I have this very rare and almost foreign emotion:

Peace.

I am content. There is so much uncertainty in my life coming up in the next weeks. I should be scared shitless, but weirdly enough, I am not.

I know how to love and I know how to be loved in return. And right now (this moment) I am enough.

Tomorrow is a new day and maybe after I slept, that feeling vanishes like the moon vanishes at dawn. But for now, I embrace it.

Inner Peace.

Nice.

untitled_20220511 (suggestions welcome)


We ran from each other until there was nowhere else to run.
We hid from each other until every cover was exhausted.
We fell deeply in lust until emotions took over.
We tried to be apart too many times but we always ceased to function properly.

Because without your presence, something is missing in my soul.
And without my presence, something is missing in your soul.

We ran in different directions until we stood toe to toe.
One look, one shared breath, and an explosion of emotions engulfed us in our own infinite love story.
Our abject loneliness vanished for we complete each other's lost souls.

We found ourselves in the essence of the other.

we are a moment in time

Your head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat - we are real

Our hair weaved together in long tresses - we are harmony

Our legs intertwined, spinning, lifting us into blue spheres - we are ephemeral

Two souls, yours and mine; powerful connection - our spirits become One

Everything is possible in this serene moment - we are perfect

One last shared breath, we glide into a transient state of silence

Surrounded by stardust and unconditional love - we turn into all-consuming peace.

night terrors

Between the middle of the night and very early morning, I woke up.
I notice the first bird's song, reminding me of the new day.
If only I knew why I woke up with an agitated mind.

Is my heavy mind running towards you?
Are my thoughts busy soothing your dream?
And who is there to calm my racing heart and my dancing thoughts?

The rising sun shines through the cracks in the blinds
Birds and toads sing in duets, for my ears only
I close my eyes and count to ten, again and again.

I'm in need of sleep to free my mind of these borrowed emotions
Will I ever truly see the sky painted in the morning shades?
Breathing in and breathing out becomes my most important chore.

And as I drift off into the land of fantasies
I find myself in your safe and warm arms
This should be my piece of eternal peace.

But every day
Between the middle of the night and very early morning, I wake up...

before dawn

In the green green grass, she sat
Looking into the far far distance

Somewhere on the other side of the world
A lover was waiting for her
Somewhere high up up in the blue blue sky
A twin flame knew her name

Warm warm summer rain was helping her
To grow into her own self

Somewhere; only she understood in which dream
A lover was waiting for her
Somewhere, buried under the birch's roots
A twin flame knew her name

In the dark dark night, she lay
Gazing at the gleaming stars wishing
that

Somewhere on the other side of the world
A lover was waiting for her
Somewhere high up up in the blue blue sky
A twin flame knew her name.


Paradise

There is a paradise in your eyes
And the best part is:
You invited me in.
And now I am drowning
In your words
And floating on your skin.

There is a recognition in your eyes
And your love will be my demise
But I refuse to overanalyse.
I put my trust in your fearless soul
And follow you down every dark hole
We are stardust; together, we are whole.

There is home in your eyes
And the best part is:
I can see myself within.
And now I feel safe
In your arms
And with my head under your chin.

(One from my drafts – I am not sure if I shared it before or not)

Love love love

I love every version of you. The one pushing me away. The one begging me to stay. I love every inch of you. Your hair, your eyes, your belly. I love every thought in your mind. The sadness, the lightness, the eccentricities. I love everything about you. And some days, I believe you love the same things about me too. 

It haunts me

The question that still and always haunts me is: who cares?

Who cares?

That’s what a narcissist once asked me after telling me that they don’t know me. I told them about me (unasked) and they replied:

Who cares?

It doesn’t matter!

It was years ago. Many many years ago, but it broke or activated something inside me.

And with every post, every tweet, every message that is not a reaction to a message, those two questions scream in my mind.

And man, it is a crippling thought. It prevents half of what I write to be seen or shared and it makes me delete many messages or tweets i want to write.

When those messages were sent to me, I was a different person and sometimes I wonder why they still matter years later.

They still matter because I gave and still give them the power to matter, but as much as I am trying, i cannot stop it.

Every time I push the button “publish” I wonder who cares, and in times when I over-post, the question is so much louder.

###

Depeche Mode – in your room. The clip was shot by the dutch photographer Anton Corbijn, who is one of my favourites (photographers) ever. And the song was a single from the album “songs of faith and devotion” (1993) it’s the first album I ever bought with my own money and I still adore it. I had the choice between “division bell” by Pink Floyd and the above. I decided with my heart and never regretted it. Also, the “division bell” is an awesome album that I bought years later on CD and someone also bought it for me on LP… It made its way from a record store in Wales to my doorstep in Luxembourg in 2021. 🙂