We water soil and expect a result. Sometimes, with a lot of time and love and care, out of the earth grows a flower. Something beautiful that warms the heart and fills us with gratitude.

Sometimes, even though we invest all our energy into the simple task of nurturing a little patch of dirt, nothing happens, and we are left with a puddle of mud.

Some things are not meant to be glamorous and fulfilling; they are intended to test our resolve and be lessons for the future.


There are two ways of using a rope: tying a noose and putting it around one’s neck or using it to pull oneself out of the darkest thoughts.

We have a choice. Sometimes it is tough and tougher, but there is a choice.


I step through every door with a clear purpose and close it with the certainty that I move on from the past.

A glow shines in through my open windows, bathes my mind in warmth, and covers it in hope.

I feel every emotion intensely and react with kindness, empathy, and love toward others.

I take solace in the fact that after every sunset follows a sunrise. After the dark comes the light.

I am strong, even in my weakest moments. There is a reason to smile. To breathe. To be.

And I am.

musing 2016

As soon as subjectively perceived perfection is achieved, it is not perfect enough anymore. It is not what we want anymore, and we strive for something else. Something different.
More. We need more.
Always more.
Paradise doesn’t exist as long as we can’t accept it when we see it.
True love stays a myth as long as we destroy every meaningful relationship with our need for more.


If we don’t do anything for a long time, we become comfortable in our immobility and lose hope. We need to move, to change, to adapt to new situations. We are humans, we know how to do it. Giving up should not be an option.


It is a bit scary how fast things change. What preoccupied my mind last Monday and made my anxiety surge means nothing today. Fear that paralysed me last week is not scaring me now. People who meant everything last October are strangers now; men who professed their undying love silently went away. Friends are gone. New ones are being made.

What a difference a day makes…

I, for one, need to take a step back and stop over-thinking and over-analysing everything. The false expectations of what will happen are what makes me miserable so often. And honestly, I am rather happy and carefree than sad and breaking. It is just not as easy to live by these words than it seems.

Meh- day

First, let me apologise.

Why? Well, hear me out. My mind is a complex thing, and I would lie if I said that I understand the weirdness within.


It was a meh-day. I was productive enough, even though I had a slow start. I slept in. A luxury, considering I am a 38 year old with kids. But the husband sent the kids off to school, he went to work, and I was left on my own. Last Monday, I began a new routine. For my shoulder, mainly, but also now, I am too proud to give in. I mean, this week. I am too proud to give up this week. Every day, I spend 10 minutes on the WaterRower the husband bought but only used once, and I spend 10 minutes doing the exercised my physiotherapist taught me. (Just for reference, I had surgery for my shoulder in March, and I am on sick leave until the end of June, due to complications). This morning, I had a hard time getting myself to tie the laces of my sneakers and get on the torture device. But I did it. Success. I just need to remember not to think, because similar to ironing, I tend to overthink and end up angry for no reason.

Exercise done, I had no lunch, but watched reruns of Little House on the Prairie. Simultaneously, I wrote an Instagram post about my publications and completed the daily challenges of my phone games. Exciting times.

An hour later, I began thinking, “what are you doing?! No one cares. Delete! Delete!”

I did not delete it, but now I had that thought in my mind. And urgh… Stupid mind and stupid thought.

But then I thought, “well, someone cares. There are people who read and politely show that they read by clicking the like button. They care.”

It made me feel guiltier. But hey, it also made me grateful. Real and honest? I am thankful for anyone who engages with my train of thoughts from time to time. I have been doing this for a long while now, and it has never been and will never be taken for granted. It’s the little things that matter most. The ones we almost don’t do because we falsely believe that they don’t matter anyway and they will go unnoticed. They don’t. Believe me, they don’t.

Tonight, I ate way too much bad food and watched Thor with the fam – even Ollie, my 16-year-old son, watched the movie with us. The movie ended, and everyone fled the scene. I mean, if they had stayed, one of the parents could have asked them to clear the table from our empty plates and glasses. Better run.

We watched a couple of scenes from a German comedian – Torsten Sträter. We, my husband and I. I found Torsten years ago online and like him because his humour is adult and based on language. And, for me, he is sexy as fuck. Pardon my language. Husband recently discovered him after a short segment in a different late-night show where Torsten openly talked about his depression, his burnout, and all that. My husband recognised me in some things that were said, and he recognised himself too. And I think ever since we are watching that guy together, the understanding between us shifted.

Honestly, I don’t like watching any comedy with people around. I am too fast to catch up on irony or jokes made with words. Most people aren’t. And that leaves me laughing while people around are still processing what was said. It makes me look weird. I shouldn’t care, but I laugh pretty loud, and I don’t want to be annoying.

Even later tonight, I noticed that my arm and biceps hurt again. Maybe I should not have carried a bag with groceries. But, I mean, I have been “working out” this week; why can’t I lift stuff? Hmmm… Maybe, because my doctor told me last Monday that I can’t return to work in a week but have to stay home for longer?! That could be it.

Either way, the day was… It’s just that feeling. The feeling when you are waiting for someone who is not coming. The feeling when you think that something is not right. And I really really don’t want to add to any online negativity anymore. There are people on Twitter who are constantly complaining. Complaining doesn’t change the situation though, actions do.

Actions do… That is something I learned from experience.

Be kind. Goodnight. And if I didn’t make much sense, I apologise, I just let my fingers float and did not censor my jumbled mind.

Lots of love from me to you. ❤💜❤💜

Advertising Space

The following is a post I just shared on IG 💜❤💜❤💜

It’s Friday (I think). Let me tickle your memory for a moment. I am an author who published 5 books since 2018. And they are all ready to be devoured by your hungry minds. There are two options to get your hands on a copy of these masterpieces. Either on Amazon as paperback and ebook or from my blog (link in bio). If you buy your paperback from the blog, you can pay via PayPal, and your copy will be signed with a handwritten note from yours truly.
Every word in these books was written by me. And every cover picture was taken by me too. It’s a complete solo project, created with lots of passion and love. Never perfect, but always real. A lot like me.

Out of the Dark and Into the Light: a poetry collection. It’s a mostly fictitious journey through the year 2020.

A Life in Frames: short stories and flash fiction. In this book, I am trying to showcase my writing style.

Heart of Stone: a romantic novel

Drowning in a Sea of voices: a poetry collection

Unquiet Minds: a poetry collection. This was the first time I ever wrote my real name under my writing and I was a nervous wreck when I published it.