What are 5 things you’re grateful for today?

1. Communication and my language skills. It is 1 pm where I am and already, I spoke French with the mailman, German with a co-worker (on my day off!), English with my closest friend, and Luxembourgish with my kids. Obviously, I need these 4 languages daily, but I am well aware that not everyone has access to learn or use foreign languages. That said, here in Luxembourg, being fluent in at least 2 or 3 is standard.
2. Quiet me-time. Oh, that sounds selfish and ungrateful. But I worked a lot these last weeks, without any real time to recover. Today is the first time in weeks that I am on my own, without any plans. As it is, I am still in bed, and I am very happy about that.
3. Today, I am grateful for yesterday’s smiles and yesterday’s memories
4. Creativity. My head is buzzing with ideas to write new stuff. I am not sure if I can put it on paper (or a screen), but the ideas are definitely there.
5. Music – that’s a no-brainer. Always, always grateful for music and musicians.

What do people incorrectly assume about you?

At work and in my private life, people tend to assume that I am relaxed and unfazed. As if nothing could disturb my calm or patience. Yes, I have been told that I exude calm and confidence.

If they only knew that I need to choose every word I say carefully and that inside, I am a bundle of nervous energy. I doubt myself all the time and I overthink everything I say or do or will say or do in the future.

But, those doubts also make me great at work. I am rigorous and thorough. I don’t leave messes for others to clean up and assume my responsibilities. All that, but calm, patient, and relaxed, I am not.

Edited to add something else people wrongly assume about me:

Apparently, I come across as distant here on the blog, like someone who does not want to engage. That’s wrong. I love interacting. If you take a chance to comment, I will reply. Hehe

What do you like most about your writing?

That’s an easy one. At least, I think it is.

I have a writing voice that I believe to be not so common. My vocabulary is rather simple. There are a few reasons for that: 1) English is not my native language 2) I like it that way because I believe that simple and relatable vocabulary has more impact than complicated words.

My stories and poems are filled (overflowing?) with emotions. And I like to believe that these emotions are palpable to the readers. But that’s not for me to judge.

Most of my writing is impulsive, unedited and that’s why it is also a bit raw and unpolished. That’s okay with me. And quite frankly, not many people complain about it. And those who do tell me that I could be a much better writer if I showed some ambition. Maybe they are right. Maybe they are not.

So yes… I think, if you read my short stories, my voice is recognisable. Or maybe that is just the sleep-deprived overconfidence talking and in truth I simply wrote the same story over and over again.

And so, I ask you:

What do you like most about my writing?

What makes you laugh?

My sense of humour is a bit inappropriate, I must admit. I laugh a lot and have a quick wit. Something that never fails to make me laugh are intelligent puns. Dry and black humour too, as well as sarcasm.

But, do not ask me to tell a joke. I always, and I mean always, mess it up. Then again, that will make you laugh; so maybe, do. (Really, please don’t!)

PS… I could have written about my kids… But there is a difference between happiness and laughing.

Who is someone that inspires you and why?

I don’t like this question. I don’t have an answer. I mean, many people inspire me daily in one way or another. But no one inspired me to become who I am and who I am looking up to. There is one person who taught me a lot about working with toddlers. But she does not inspire any other area of my life.

That sounds awful, I know. But there are reasons for not being inspired by people.

I always had to fight for everything. I always had to do everything on my own and without support. And I never had anyone who suggested I try this or that to make life easier. I am okay with that. Sometimes, it is a bit lonely to live that way, but it is okay. As I got older, I did not allow anyone to inspire my life anymore. I did not allow myself to look for guidance.

As recently as two weeks ago, I felt real support during a hard and trying time for the first time in my life. I fought it a bit, but they insisted to be there; to guide me – and in the end, I let them. But it was not easy, and still, I wouldn’t call it inspiring. It was just the first time that someone showed up and stayed there until the grief was over.

But in the end, I also admit that music is a big inspiration for my writing – not for my life, but my poetry and short stories.

What is something you wish you knew how to do?

I have been living in near panic mode all my life. I was kept on my toes all the times. I wish I knew how to relax, how to give up control and just exist. I am tense all the time. A perfectionist at work and a slouch at home. I wish I knew how to find balance. My mind goes a mile a minute. I am either sharing too much about myself, scaring good people with that, or I am too distant and cold, angering good people with that. I wish I knew how to be normal but that’s not how my brain is wired.

Heavy stuff for an early morning.

I also wish I knew how to write songs and play an instrument. Alas, I am just an avid music lover.

What was your favorite toy as a child?

I was not a spoilt child and did not have many toys, but my favourite was a Barbie. A brown-haired barbie that I called Laken. I don’t know why I chose that name, possibly because I heard it on TV or such something. It is the only toy I remember ever receiving from my dad. I still own it today. But, I also loved my Game Boy. I did not have many games, but that was not important. Tetris and Super Mario were my favourites, but I also owned Batman, Duck Tales, Tennis, even a game about the Simpsons. Those were the times. Simple. All we had to care about was the stock of batteries at home. And while I played with my Barbie doll or my Game Boy, alone in my room, music was playing. There was always music in my ears.

Write about the last time you left your comfort zone.

My comfort zone is not often challenged. In fact, I try to stay in my safe zone as much as possible. No, by far, I am not an adventurer.

But, in my job, I am forced to step out of this precious comfort zone a lot. It starts with spontaneous meetings and appointments and ends with visits at various doctor’s offices or administrations. You see, for me these things need planning. I need to know where I can park my car, how the building looks, waiting times… I need to feel as if I can control these situations. Alas, often when I get to work after two days off, I am greeted with an: “you are going to this appointment this morning.” And I always grin, shrug and agree. What else is there to do?! Inwardly though, I am panicking. Most often, shortly after such an announcement, I excuse myself to hide in the bathroom, where I Google everything in a hurry.

So there you have it, being spontaneous and looking as if I am in charge is a challenge for me and makes me leave my comfort zone time and time again.

But with the right song, every challenge turns out to be manageable.

What is a road trip you would love to take?

I am not much of a traveller and I don’t have any dream destinations waiting on a list. But, a road trip I could imagine taking would be from my native Luxembourg through Germany and Denmark; taking a ferry and exploring Finland, Sweden and Norway for a couple of weeks. Yes, I think I would love seeing those countries, their cities but also the nature and wild life. Of course, I would not go alone; I would be accompanied by good music and good people.

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

Hang in there. Things get worse, but they also get better. Keep pushing and fighting for what you want, it is never easy and tears will be plenty, but it will pay off. And even if you don’t believe me now, one day you will be content and your search for this void to be filled will fade. Be brave. Stay kind and gentle. Follow your passions and be open to music of all kinds and genres.