You did it again.
Once again, you said that I am perfect for you, that I should move over. That we could live in a nice house by a stream, sitting outside in the evening, by the fire, making music, making love, smoking… A grand piano inside and a large bed; both for creative experiments and as outlets too…
Once again, you said that you love me, that you love my mind, my integrity, my patience, my sensual side, everything.
You planned a future for us.
A sandcastle build on clouds.
But there was one condition: me losing weight, you losing weight.
As much as I like you, I will not drop any kilos for anyone but myself. And if the weight is the only thing preventing a relationship from happening, then maybe, just maybe, you are a shallow man who does not deserve to know more about me.
Because that too was mentioned again: I am mysterious to you and you don’t know me. Once again I said that you just have to ask, and as expected, you backef off saying that I frighten you.
There was so much to unpack lately… So many mixed signals.
Fortunately, I know how I feel. Believe it or not, I do.
You tell me that you love me and take it back two messages later stating: “not in that way, you know that, but I love you”.
The thing is, I don’t take back my words, I love you. But you are annoying as fuck. I will not save or fix you. I accept you with the chipped edges and the broken mind and soul.
Ah well, it doesn’t matter. I am not passive agressive. I simply know my place and I know my role.
I know when I am needed and how, and I know that you trust me. I don’t take it for granted, it is very important to me and it matters and I will never betray your trust and your love.
Goodnight my lover xx