It haunts me

The question that still and always haunts me is: who cares?

Who cares?

That’s what a narcissist once asked me after telling me that they don’t know me. I told them about me (unasked) and they replied:

Who cares?

It doesn’t matter!

It was years ago. Many many years ago, but it broke or activated something inside me.

And with every post, every tweet, every message that is not a reaction to a message, those two questions scream in my mind.

And man, it is a crippling thought. It prevents half of what I write to be seen or shared and it makes me delete many messages or tweets i want to write.

When those messages were sent to me, I was a different person and sometimes I wonder why they still matter years later.

They still matter because I gave and still give them the power to matter, but as much as I am trying, i cannot stop it.

Every time I push the button “publish” I wonder who cares, and in times when I over-post, the question is so much louder.

###

Depeche Mode – in your room. The clip was shot by the dutch photographer Anton Corbijn, who is one of my favourites (photographers) ever. And the song was a single from the album “songs of faith and devotion” (1993) it’s the first album I ever bought with my own money and I still adore it. I had the choice between “division bell” by Pink Floyd and the above. I decided with my heart and never regretted it. Also, the “division bell” is an awesome album that I bought years later on CD and someone also bought it for me on LP… It made its way from a record store in Wales to my doorstep in Luxembourg in 2021. 🙂

6 thoughts on “It haunts me

  1. It took a while before I was able to get the grasp of the “who cares” mentality. I still struggle with it both for my blog and in life as well, but honestly it’s a great way to limit the amount of stress in one’s life. And as long as I am ok with the consequences of what I am doing, and it sits well with my soul then I don’t really care anymore what other people think.

    Liked by 1 person

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