Back back, baby come back

You know what I miss?

my kids being young and asking to sleep in my bed with me.

I am a mom of three. My oldest is 17. He is the most amazing young man with a wicked sense of humour. Sometimes, we look at each other, say a word and begin laughing like two stupid people. The bond I share with my son is special. I was a young mom and he changed my life completely. I am very grateful for that. But by now, the only time we touch is when he pats my head. It’s a fun gesture because he is very tall and I am, well, not. By the way, he turns 18 one month before I turn 40.

My middle child is 13. She is a bit odd with a penchant for sarcasm and irony. She is very intelligent but also a bit strange if you don’t know her. She could appear distant and cold, but she is filled to the brim with emotions. Last Friday, she was standing in front of me, crying. She had failed a test and was very hard on herself. The thing is, she does not like to be touched and when she was crying, I would have taken anyone into my arms. But I made a habit (a very welcome one as I am told) to ask if she wants to be hugged. So, a couple of days ago, she was crying and did not want to be touched and it broke my heart. At the same time, tonight while watching some TV, she put her feet on my lap and I absentmindedly began rubbing and massaging them. She did not flinch and she did not move away for at least 30 minutes.

My youngest is 11. On paper, she is still a kid, but she is as much a teenager as her older siblings. She is very outspoken and very touchy-feely. She is the one who asked to sleep in my bed with me for a long time. She loves to cuddle and when we watch TV, she always sits close. She takes my hand to play with my fingers or gives me massages. She loves it when I comb her long hair with my fingers or run my fingers up and down her forearm. She has the ability to win everyone over within seconds. It’s awesome to see. But, she is also the one who was hit with puberty the worst. (Mood wise) She is a lot like me and I try to catch her whenever I can and she allows it.

I am a mom of three teenagers. And I love every moment of it. Really, I do. But some days, I wish for the time to come back to when they were little. They were awesome as kids and still are as teenagers.

I never worried about being a parent until a couple of months ago when I felt very poorly. (Mental health) Ever since, I wonder if I am too open with them, too honest. Because I tell them when I am not well and need more time for myself. I tell them when I have good news, but also when I have bad news. In short, I tell them everything and I don’t want to be a burden.

But then we have a game night like last Friday and we laugh and joke and play Monopoly for hours. That’s how memories are made. Those are things they will tell their kids about. (If you want to know, of course, I lost… I always do because I am too much of a gambler)

I love those kids with all my might. They are special. Not because they are mine – that too – but because of who they are becoming.

Happy May 2nd

8 thoughts on “Back back, baby come back

  1. Lovely to read. My children are grown (20 and 24) and I miss the cuddles. While they were young I tucked them in every night until at one point when I was very I’ll for a period of time they started to tuck me in at night. Such warm memories.

    Liked by 1 person

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