Another stolen night

I woke up from the quiet surrounding me. There was no sound but the blood pounding in my ears and the wind rustling the trees, audible through the opened window. The crisp night’s air felt good on my naked skin. But there was something that wasn’t right. A feeling inside that made my heart feel raw and fragile and my thoughts heavy as lead. I couldn’t close my eyes and I couldn’t think. I just existed. I was. For a moment, I just was. Awake while the world was asleep; that too, I was. I played on my phone for a bit. Mindless. Until one hour was over. Stolen time. I scrolled social media. I didn’t engage and nothing captured my attention. More stolen time. I noticed the bright moonlight and how beautiful it was. It left shadows on my ceiling. Not eerie. Peaceful. I pushed the phone away to try and sleep. But my shoulder hurt and my husband snored. I felt the frustration growing and I knew that if I didn’t get my mood to turn around, I would soon have to get up, and I would face another wasted day. A full night of sleep is rare for me, I am never rested or refreshed. Why? And what’s that sound? In the distance I heard a donkey calling out and birds were beginning to wake up. I had been awake for almost two hours by now. Wasted time. No sleep. My eyes were heavy and my mind was too. If only, if only I knew how to rest my mind. But the longer I stayed awake the more agitated I became. Until it took determination and effort to empty my mind. I had to try and force it into a calm nothingness. Of course I failed, or you would not read these words. It’s after 4 am in the morning. Maybe the morning birds will sing me to sleep and allow me another couple of hours to restore my sanity. Maybe.

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