Maybe, maybe not

Last year, I published two books and my initial plan was to publish a new one this February. I think I mentioned it several times before. But somehow, these last months were not very productive and I decided to drop the project. It took a while to come to terms with it, but eventually, I also mentioned it in passing here on this very blog.

But as so often, once I voice something, it is like pieces of a puzzle fall into place and I am drawn back to the plan I abandoned in the first place.

I shared many a poem here on the blog, but as you can see on the photo above, I also keep journals and use whatever comes in handy when inspiration hits.

Right now, I am looking at short of 200 pages of poetry. I will have to cut a lot of material and change some. Also, there is some writing that is horrible and others that is just plain depressing. Seeing that most of these poems were written last year, one might believe that I had a very bad year in 2021.

And so I spent the best part of this Sunday afternoon trying to remember last year. And not much stood out.

  • Shoulder pain
  • Surgery
  • Extensive sick leave at work
  • More pain
  • New job
  • Troubles with the twin flame
  • Abandonment
  • New friendship
  • Some writing
  • Lots of music
  • Persisting shoulder pain
  • Family matters

All quite mundane. Add my kids and husband to the mix – yes I am married and tomorrow is actually our 22nd anniversary. (Obviously not wedding anniversary – that’s 14 years).

I did have emotional ups and downs and some empty moments too. But I cannot remember having been as miserable as some of those poems read.

A predominant theme seems to be being rootless, finding freedom, building a home, love, and loss.

It will be a while until I sort through all of this. There is no cover picture and no title yet. I will not meet my intended deadline of a February 8th release either. My 39th birthday, by the way. (I think I also mentioned February 18th as a possible release day… I am not sure.)

Anyway… I have been working on this, also trying to decipher my handwriting on occasion, today.

Soon, I will take my aching arm and shoulder to bed. Ah, see… And here I revealed a couple of things about myself in this post, amongst them that 11 months after surgery, I am not pain-free, in fact, the pain got worse again. Ah well…

4 thoughts on “Maybe, maybe not

  1. I published two books last year and had a third planed for December but got stymied with it. I’ve been taking a break and doing other creative projects such as shorts, poetry, art, and personal blogging. I’m ok with this. I figure that when my mind is ready to return to the project with my initial passion I will get back to it. Since I self publish there is no long waiting period after a good edit so time is not such a concern.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I self-publish too. But I am also quite hard on myself at times. In March 2021, I decided that the next book should be published around February 2022. And then it looked as if I failed (myself). But I believe that there is a time for every project. And sometimes the end is the beginning. In this case, it certainly was. It’s the pressure I put on myself that is worse than the pressure anyone else could ever bestow on me. xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s terrible you’re still suffering from chronic shoulder pain, despite having surgery. That’s got to be very disheartening. As for me, the right knee replacement surgery I had in June 2020 has been a complete success, however, I’ve been experiencing pretty severe pain in my left knee for about five weeks now. Sigh…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry to hear about the left knee, but I am glad the right one is pain-free.
      Yeah, the thing with my shoulder – I don’t know why it is not healing the way it should. And truth be told, I have not seen a doc about it yet. They will only say that I need more physiotherapy and to stop carrying anything above two kilos (4,5 pounds). Which is basically nothing.
      For me, the worst part is being used to the pain… That’s not really great.
      But, let’s make the best of the day, right?! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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