Bloganuary #6

Who is someone that inspires you and why?

I don’t like this question. I don’t have an answer. I mean, many people inspire me daily in one way or another. But no one inspired me to become who I am and who I am looking up to. There is one person who taught me a lot about working with toddlers. But she does not inspire any other area of my life.

That sounds awful, I know. But there are reasons for not being inspired by people.

I always had to fight for everything. I always had to do everything on my own and without support. And I never had anyone who suggested I try this or that to make life easier. I am okay with that. Sometimes, it is a bit lonely to live that way, but it is okay. As I got older, I did not allow anyone to inspire my life anymore. I did not allow myself to look for guidance.

As recently as two weeks ago, I felt real support during a hard and trying time for the first time in my life. I fought it a bit, but they insisted to be there; to guide me – and in the end, I let them. But it was not easy, and still, I wouldn’t call it inspiring. It was just the first time that someone showed up and stayed there until the grief was over.

But in the end, I also admit that music is a big inspiration for my writing – not for my life, but my poetry and short stories.