Dear me

Dear Cathy,

How are you? It’s been a couple of days since you dropped off the digital world again. Not long, I mean, you posted that reminder about your books, but you stopped Bloganuary without warning, there is no music, no poetry, and what happened with the Dear Stranger letters?! Why aren’t there any updates anymore? I feel lonely without you, empty. Truth is, Cathy, I am empty without you and it kind of hurts when you abandon me like this. Without updates, only a handful of people come by to pay me a visit daily. But, and I say that with a proud smile, there is still that one post Goodbye, Anathema that has daily visits. You know, I am suspicious though, maybe it is the same person using a bookmark. Ah, I don’t know. What happened? Why don’t you love me anymore?


Dear micqu,

All is well over here, just a bit hectic. Many people at work are on sick leave and only few are flexible enough to cover additional shifts. That’s how I ended working 52 hours in 5 days, instead and of a maximum of 30 that I signed in my contract. Naturally, I am sleep-deprived, tired, exhausted and overthinking. I don’t want to spread too much negativity though and that’s why I refrained from posting. Also, my eyes are tired when I get home from 10-hour shifts and I become lazy. That’s a simple truth, I am lazy. I stopped Bloganuary because the prompts were uninspiring. At first, I believed that it would help me write daily, and it did. But at what cost? The quality of the posts decreased, or so I think. I don’t know. But, like you, I am pleased that that particular post is still read. Let me assure you, by looking at the stats, I can tell that it is not always the same person who is using the link – or if they are, they are using VPN, which is misleading. Either way… It’s really not important. What else is new? I became an aunt again. My sister gave birth to a baby girl this week. I am working waaayyy too much, and I am looking forward to 5 consecutive days off week soon. My birthday week. I like my birthday. A lot. Hehe. But that has to do with unresolved childhood trauma. Oh, and you asked about Stranger? Don’t it’s fiction and that well dried up.

I hope you are okay. I am sorry you feel neglected but that’s really just a subjective emotion. I was and will always be there.

Goodnight my dearest micqu,



In the end, every relationship should be based on these, apparently, simple principles:

  • Love
  • Trust
  • Care
  • Compassion
  • Empathy
  • Willingness to compromise
  • Forgiveness
  • And the knowledge that the partner is an individual with their own needs, expectations, history, memories, and experiences.

I am quite sure this little list is not complete. What would you add?

I’ll keep you out of harm’s way

When you are weathering a bout of agonizing misery, I will protect you with all my might. You are my king, and I am your (k)night. I will engulf you in my dark embrace until you feel comfortable and safe. As long as you trust me to keep you out of harm’s way, I will make all the horrible feelings go away. Your demons cannot find you in my arms; they cannot reach you while you are catching your breath underneath my scars. This moment here, it is not theirs, it is ours. I will defend your mind and share my last breath of air because I love you and I care. And I promise: I will always be there.

Sunday Scribblings #89 – handwriting

Every Wednesday, Aaron at shares a new writing prompt. This week, the prompt is handwriting.

Handwriting can reveal a lot about people, there is an entire science about it, but honestly, I never really took the time to get into it.

My own handwriting is very much depending on my mood. But, it is often quite sloppy and I often have people at work commenting on it. In a hurry, my handwriting is hardly legible.

I noticed though, depending on the pen, my handwriting gets better or worse.

Many years ago, a person who was a friend back then gave me a fountain pen. I adore that one and use it all the time. Used – until I lost it at the hospital at the end of last year. It’s a long(er) story that I will not get into right now. Anyway… I loved that fountain pen and was devastated when I lost it. I ordered a new one. Exact same – pretending that it will be a birthday present to myself. Imagine what happened? Yeah… No surprise, I found the pen at the bottom of my handbag the exact day the new one arrived in the mail. My handbag is a large tote bag with lots of room. I bought it online last year. I am not sure it is still available, but here is a photo.

It looks better in real than on the pic. Hehe… I own at least 4 more bags from Society 6.

Back to handwriting. I share pictures with handwritten poetry quite often. And many people compliment me on my penmanship. It’s a nice thing, I think.

Both are things I wrote. One is legible and one is decipherable. Hehe.

How’s your handwriting? Do you write by hand at all?

Bloganuary #22

What is your favorite quote and why?

Okay so… The following is something that has been said to me a couple years ago. Must have been 2016 or 2017. It stayed with me. The language is crude, but if you read between the lines, you may understand why this is one of my favourite quotes. Now, mind you, this is not a quote by AnaΓ―s Nin or Dylan Thomas or Jim Morrison or a stoic poet… No, this is a no-name. I shared it before and caught some flak for it… Ah well… Here goes:

As long as there is cum in my balls and a mind in my brain, I will never forget you.

To be honest, I like this. And because it is real, I am probably not interested if anyone thinks that I deserve more or better or…


Felix RΓ€uber – autsider

Bloganuary #20

What is your favorite photo you’ve ever taken?

Ever? Like, ever ever?! Impossible.

Every pic I take of my kids is a favourite! But, here is the favourite I took in the last 6 months:

Or is it this?

Maybe even this?

(there is no filter on this one…)

In fact, it is this:

An almost empty glass of wine put on the selfie lense of my phone.

I could have chosen one with people on it, but no.



Pain of Salvation – meaningless (give this one a chance, don’t turn off after one minute)


There is not much on my Instagram account, but I seem to be looking for a way to get somewhere. Or maybe, I am appreciating my journey and the road I am traveling? Either way, there are too many photos of streets and roads.

Feel free to follow me there… I have moments when I share a lot and others when I delete more. As so often, it used to be about music, there were some LP (vinyl) pics, but not many anymore. There are not too many pics of me… hehe, I do delete most of the pics of myself, because I don’t like to see myself all the time, am I just revealing again that I am weirder than anticipated?

Ah well… *hugs*

Does this qualify as Bloganuary #19? Write about something mysterious? I will pretend it does. I mean, it sounds vain and conceited when I say it myself, but countless times people called me mysterious… I am anything but, but maybe others see things in me that I don’t.


Bloganuary #18

What book is next on your reading list?

Funny that this question comes up today. Yesterday, someone held a monologue for me, explaining why I absolutely have to read Harry Potter, mainly books 5-7. And that’s why they are next on my list.

I have to say, I am not a fantasy fan. But that person is and honestly the passion with which the monologue was delivered left me quite curious. There you have it. Harry Potter is next on my reading list. And maybe I’ll even read it. Haha.


Daniel Wirtz – Overkill