randomness_20210329

And there it was, the light feeling I had been waiting for. I was laced with dread, as always. My trusted companion – the pain in my shoulder was very severe this morning. So much so that I had to take a painkiller. The first in three days. After that, I went back to bed and slept. I slept until noon. And I am not ashamed to admit it, not after a night that was filled with tossing and turning and vivid dreams. One particular dream stayed in my mind. A good one, don’t worry.

I took a bath and shaved my legs. Don’t be weirded out; these are huge accomplishments two weeks after surgery of the right shoulder. And it made me feel good.

And then I received an email. Out of the blue. I am not allowed to talk about it yet, but if all goes according to plan, I will take a huge step forward in my personal life.

Physiotherapy was something I was not looking forward to today. After this morning’s pain, I was scared. But, the mobility of my arm and shoulder is slowly returning, and I even had some active treatment. You don’t know how heavy your arm is until your tendon is busted and a part of your acromial bone had to be taken away. But I did it. Very well, even. And it made me feel like a million bucks. Or more.

And as today is piano day, I listened to lots of piano music. So beautiful and emotive. And I will not even try to deny that I shed a tear or three or more. No, I am an emotional person. At least on the inside. I don’t like to show it in real life.

The parts of me that you see here and that you get to read about here are parts that I keep to myself in my daily life. I am not outspoken. I am not someone who shares successes and failures with others. Not until I worked them out and worked them over in my mind. But that’s just a tiny part of me.

I am quite lonely in my recovery, and it is hard work to stay afloat, not to let the negativity claim me – the way it so often does. No, right now, I am fighting. And I will win. And so, I decided to keep this positive feeling hostage.

It doesn’t really matter, but everything will be okay.