Monday Song

In March, no one would have thought that Corona, curfews, lockdowns, masks, home-office, isolation – that all this and more would still dictate our lives months later. The song I am sharing is one I am particularly fond of, I must say. I shared it before – probably in March.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

In other news, even though my shoulder is in a lot of pain, I wrote the first pages of my next novel. Nothing will be spoilt though, and if it takes as long as “Heart of Stone” to be written, it will be published in 2028. Fingers crossed.

The sun is shining on the frozen trees. Beautiful view.

nothing but an illusion

(Repost November 2015)

I crave your touch
Yearn to feel your heat.
Speak to me.

Your kisses on my neck
Your breath on my naked skin.
Make me see.

Unbreak my fragile heart
Put my pieces back together.
Heal me.

I want you near
You are on my mind.
Love me.

And as raise my head
I see the stars above.
The light in your eyes.

Your soft voice inside my ear
Reminds me of who you want me to be.
Beguiling me.

The ghost of your soul
Feeds me everything I’ve lost.
Save me.

In my dreams you are real
My fears nonexistent.
You set me free.

The dark and desperation faded
The light and hope shine for you.
You did this.

But while I blame you for the good
I realise it’s not you.
It’s in me.

Saturday Song

Blue Room – on my own

This single was released a couple of weeks ago. It’s from a Luxembougish band, one of the best there is, in my opinion. “On my Own” could be labeled as grunge, I guess. It reminds me of a mix of Pearl Jam and “clean” Nirvana, maybe early Alice in Chains (?). Or perhaps, it is just Blue Room.

Enjoy. xx

Accomplishments 2020 – a small list

  • Published my first novel
  • Working on my next poetry collection – working title “push the clouds away”
  • Started therapy – stopped therapy, I did not feel it
  • Drove to the Netherlands all alone and on my own (4 hours drive) and stayed with a couple I met online
  • Did a handful things out of my comfort zone
  • Said “no”
  • Worked a lot and even though I was not always happy, I was successful
  • Bonded with people
  • Said goodbye to others
  • Made lots of time for music, supporting artists and investing money into my small but eclectic vinyl collection
  • Actually enjoyed lockdown and the time I had to focus on my mental health
  • Did something – or a lot for my pain
    • Acupuncture
    • Dry Needling
    • Subacromial injections
    • Physiotherapy
    • E-stimulations
    • Surgery 97% probable in 2021
    • Agree to be put on extended sick leave
  • Wrote a lot, but not too much
  • Some months, I posted a couple times daily on the blog, I don’t have a lot of reach or many reads, but I felt like it was okay. I understood that I am doing this for myself though I also enjoy that my words are seen/read
  • And because of that, it was the most successful year for the blog – ever
  • (…)

You are shaking, I am breaking

strong arms around weak shoulders.
a moment in which a delicate bond is taking form.
and my cracks are filled with your tears and your sadness, inundating my soul.
I swallow it all until I am breaking under the weight of too much you.

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Nothing was said
Too much was hurt
I hide the fading stars under my footsteps

My tongue feels heavy
Your soul is weak
We vanish in the shadow of our memories.

Just a moment of solitude

The less we are alone, the lonelier we feel. Every fake smile makes us break – just a little bit at first. And then some more. Until we crumble to dust and hide in the forgotten cracks of our being; bleeding on our mind’s carpet floors. We are drowning slowly in the invisible wounds on our soul, unable to hear our thoughts over the voices of those who don’t know and those who will never understand. Too much, too loud. We need a moment to exist – on our own.

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Tell me about the colour of the rain and the taste of your thoughts.
I want the essence of your existence as a kiss on my skin.
No whispered words, no wasted breath,
I can see who you are, naked and bare.

Haiku – almost

Ghost memories in caged minds
Heavy water sliding down winter skins
Trapped in blazing fire trees.

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I am not good with structure or following writing rules. I don’t know – it makes me feel trapped in my creativity and too aware of what I am doing. So… I was doodling and procrastinating this morning when this came about. For a real modern haiku, one word is missing in the second sentence. Apparently, 5-7-5 is the way to go. 17 words… That’s in theory… I prefer going with the flow and see where the words lead me.

Saturday Song

Lone Wolf – mistakes

From the album “Lodge” (2015). When I found the above live performance this morning on YouTube, it had no views. Let’s show him some love and make his day. Watch that clip.

Paul Marshall – Lone Wolf, is one of those musicians who can never go wrong for me. Well, apart from the fact that the album “Lodge” is not on Spotify. But “The Lovers” is and also his debut “The Devil and I”.

Music for the soul, isn’t it? For a while, I let myself be inspired by other music, more aggressive, and I liked some of it – but if I am honest, I only wanted to be liked.

I feel disconnected. Maybe it is just that moment in a cycle when acquaintances fade away and friendships fade out. Add to that the uncertainty that is colouring my life right now, and you get a lonelier version of the woman I usually am…

Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. Twelve years already. My son will be sixteen in January. My youngest turned ten last July. And I? I will be thirty-eight in February…

Pheww… Anyway, enjoy the above song, let’s give it some views. ☺