Glen Hansard – Leave
From the soundtrack of the movie “Once” (2007).
I had plans last night. In a juvenile manner, I wanted to drink myself into oblivion to forget all these crippling feelings I have right now. But, as it is with plans, I had a glass of wine and went to bed early. No drunken tweets or messages or likes. Nothing. Just responsible adult behaviour.
I am sick and tired of not feeling good enough. And it is a conflicting feeling, because in my job and career, that feeling does not exist. There are no doubts. I am good in my job. But my private life is different. Relationships are different. I don’t make friends easily, and maybe I get too attached, I don’t know. When I meet people I like and click with I try staying in touch, making an effort, but I am not sure if it is appreciated or even asked for. And that’s something I can not process easily. Being rejected or abandoned in my private life adds to my depression and anxiety. Simple as that. Maybe I am just overthinking.