A moment of me

Tired me.

It’s been so long since I had a decent night’s sleep. I feel old and worn out. No makeup and no styling my hair can hide how much older I look these days. My eyes are puffy and swollen, which seems to be a constant these days. Lack of sleep, allergies? Just the way things are now? I also gained a lot of weight again, and it is a pain to get rid of it. I have to face it, I am not 20 or 30 anymore. And I am not 35 anymore either.

Years of being at war with myself left traces, and I can’t hide them well. Living is exhausting. I am tired.

I lost myself on the tip of my broken tongue.

I usually don’t allow myself to re-feel old emotions, but maybe it is time to revisit the places that made me happy. The faces too.

I tried sharing less of all the ugliness that is me. But I can’t. It makes me look bad, but it is the most real part of me. Maybe I should just go into hiding and sit it out.

As I said, I am exhausted and tired. Powerless and useless too. Sad for no reason apparent to anyone. And I don’t have to vocabulary to give this – whatever it is – a voice and words.

Thank you.

4 thoughts on “A moment of me

  1. Your posts are always so candid, revealing little glimpses into very personal aspects of what makes you the person you are. These are particularly rough times for so many of us. I hope that you can find some inner peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was quite well when everything was on lockdown. I liked not having to deal with people. Right now, I wish I could just go away and hide for a while. A hug would be nice too, one coming from a grown-up and not kids.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You look great. I do hope you focus on the positive aspects of yourself in the future. I can relate since I’ve never felt like I’ve weighed as much as I do now. I’m also struggling to find a reason to shave the unkempt beard I’ve been growing since this all started. So you’re not alone in feeling this way. Thank you for sharing 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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