about yesterday

So… yesterday was a streaky day. Waves of emotions flooded my mind. And there was an underlying anxiety for most parts of the day. My heart raced for no reason. Similar to being in love, but with a more negative mindset. My eyes were burning with tears that had no reason to be shed, and they didn’t come. I don’t know where this is coming from. But it has been there for a couple of days now, and it makes me nervous. I am not anxious about the COVID-19 situation or the lockdown; I don’t have to fear for my job or my health. Money is tight, as always, but it is not an issue either. But yes, I am restless. Something is not quite right.

At the same time, I also feel happy and elated, in a good mood. And it is contradictory. These feelings and emotions are contradictory. They make me unsure. They are also a reason why I posted about me reorganising my CD collection twice yesterday. I did not expect to have so many views and even likes as these two posts collected. I just needed an outlet for these feelings I can’t shake or place.

Maybe, choosing this task of clearing and cleaning out the shelves was a substitute for clearing and cleaning my mind? I was solely focussed on the paper and jewel cases in my hands and where to put them. It gave these few hours of the day a purpose, and I forgot to think about the racing heart and the butterflies in my stomach.

I have troubles sleeping these last days, I guess that too is part of this weird phase I am in, and it doesn’t make it better.

Dreams I don’t recognise. Voices I never heard.

So, yes, I apologise for two unnecessary posts yesterday, and I thank you for your support, I did not expect that.

There is no need to worry about me; I just want to add that. Because honestly, I am well. Most times.

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I took this picture last night before I went to sleep. The moon shone bright; it was beautiful. There are no filters on this picture; it is the way I took it. All my photographs are taken with my mobile phone. (moto g6) If you want to see more of my pictures, I have an Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/micqu_1/ Take a look and let me know what you think.

Lots of love to you,

xx

Cathy

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