song of the day

the National – I need my girl

From the album “Trouble Will Find Me” (2013, 4AD)

It must be Matt Berninger’s voice that touches me so much in this song, or his lyrics? I also like Tom Smith’s voice a lot. (from the British band Editors). I guess it is the baritone. I find it soothing. Like a caress or a veil that hides me from the world for a short moment.

Editors – sugar

From the album “The Weight of Your Love” (2013, PIAS Records)

It breaks my heart to love you

Editors

Have a nice Tuesday.

I didn’t sleep at night. (well, only for about two hours.) Too much reality, not enough fantasy… I did not share a song yesterday, apart from the one in the post I shared. I did not write any poetry yesterday either. Though, my favourite sentence I wrote yesterday was: hunting ghosts and chasing phantom pains. It would be a good title for my next poetry collection. Although I am not planning or working on a new release right now. But, the quality of my writing these last days is better than it has been in a while. Is it vain to praise oneself? Maybe it is, but writing and my ability to use words (in writing, not in talking) is something that makes me proud of myself. It is my special talent. 🙂 My horoscope said to find something that makes me proud today and allow these feelings. It’s quite hard for me to find something positive about myself. I am used to being a carer and a giver. A childhood-trauma is not being good enough, not being worthy of love and affection unless I forget my own needs and cater to others’. In my head, I am only loveable if I give parts of myself away, whether it does myself some good or not. It is probably a reason why I chose my job. And it shows in my everyday life. I bring my husband coffee to his desk every morning. I ask if he needs anything when I get up from the couch while watching TV, I offer drinks or food at different times of the day… It is my way of showing that I care. I also touch a lot, I caress when I walk by and things like that. It is rarely reciprocated and even less often offered coming from him without asking bluntly. I miss being cared for. I miss being loved and feeling like a million bucks. Twenty years is a long long time. Phew… this turned into something else,

sorry

 

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