Sunday Scribblings – wrinkles

She wiped the fog from the bathroom mirror and looked at her tired face. Brown eyes, with a gleam hinting at her mischief. Distinctive nose, betraying her Greek ancestry. Grey hair stood oddly off her head, only a handful of them, but enough to be noticeable. They seemed to ask for attention. Wrinkles had formed around her eyes and mouth. Her plump lower lip pouted. Her youth was definitely in the past. She couldn’t deny it. She would never pass off as a young woman again. She would never have to show her ID to buy alcohol. Young people would call her “Miss” now. It was frustrating. She ran her hand across her face again and dragged her cheeks down, making silly faces at herself. Her reflection didn’t change, though. Her hair was still beginning to lose its natural brown, and her eyes still showed signs of age. She looked down at her damp naked body. There was no hair; she had suffered through a couple of procedures to make sure of that. But there were other things she saw: Wrinkles. Loose skin. Flab. It was useless. She put her hands on her protruding hips. She turned left to right, standing on tiptoes, looking at her beauty spots. How could she face a blind date looking like that? And even if she would meet him fully clothed, their texts had implied that there would be activities requiring less clothes. She was thirty-seven and ready to start a new chapter in her book of life. Wrinkled old face or not, she had to get ready. She chose skinny jeans and a black blouse. She liked to keep it simple. A little bit of makeup and her preferred jewelry topped off her look. Her hair was a hopeless cause, but she tied it in a loose bun. She wasn’t dressed up. This was her, all her.

She was ten minutes late when she entered the pub where they were supposed to meet. She recognised him right away. There was a smile on his face, and his greeting was but a croak. She extended her hand, and he leaned in for a hug. It was all very awkward. She looked at him; the first thing she noticed was wrinkles. Around his eyes and mouth. And just like that, she didn’t feel old and out of place anymore.

I only know my mind. I am mine.

I am one of the women who is silent, but opinionated. I am interested and intelligent. I read a lot, and I dream myself away. I write poetry and cry watching TV or listening to music. I know facts about music and actors no one cares about, but I just soak it up – I don’t even know the reason. I am lazy on some days and I like to procrastinate. I am sexual and feminine, and I know how to use it. But I am also one of the women who loves using power tools and is not afraid to drill holes in walls. I know how to use a screwdriver and how to repair stuff. I am not afraid to heave boulders and rocks from one side of the garden to the other. I know how to make cement, and using a saw doesn’t scar me. I can change my own tires in the morning and bake a cake in the afternoon. I am fun and have a dark sense of humour. I love to have a beer or something stronger, and I can drink some guys under the table. I am a good listener and show empathy for everyone, because I know that everyone fights a battle that we don’t see. I believe there is a solution to every problem, sometimes we just need to seek outside of the box. I am selfish and selfless. I am good people. But I am an introvert and it takes a long time for me to open up to strangers and allow them to become friends. I am unique and offbeat. Some say I am mysterious (I get that one so very often, but I never understand why and no one could explain it). I am lots of things. Some days, I am even beautiful.

Who are you?

(Title is borrowed from a Pearl Jam song)

fantasy land

Twin souls walking hand in hand
Dragging each other to a fantasy land
Kissing skin, hands intertwined
It seems as if their stars are aligned
Never numb in all the right places
Avoiding, people, and names and places
Twin souls walking hand in hand
Hiding from the world in a fantasy land

After shit day…

… I need some music.

David Bowie and David Gilmour singing Comfortably Numb, and I am all for it. It’s an amazing version. That guitar solo at the end…

It’s a coincidence and doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but I am wearing one of my Pink Floyd t-shirts.

I mentioned it before… It is one of my top 3 songs these days.

And I had my ego caressed tonight too…

It was a weird day. Exhausting. I am tired of negative people because it affects me so much. I soak it up because I want to make them better, but while doing so, I am neglecting my own needs. I was so stressed today that the first food I touched was dinner… Either way…

There is not much I can change, but that song certainly boosted my mood.

So… My music journey tonight was an odd one, starting with Eminem, moving to Faith No More and them Backyard Babies. From there, I moved to Kate Bush and landed on the song I shared above (David Gilmour was an early mentor of Kate’s). The last song I heard tonight was Hurt, sung by David Bowie and Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails).

I am unfocused. Thanks for letting me ramble…

Forgotten Hopes

She was fifteen when she first heard the song that changed her life and became path and direction of her journey. Music had been a distraction and a companion for most of her isolated childhood and youth. Being subject to emotional abuse, she had found somewhere safe to hide in her mind when music was […]

Forgotten Hopes

idea_20200528

I am waiting for your words to fall into my lap

But they land on my head instead.

They are burning a hole in my brain

I am soaking them up like the rain.

A million words were said between us

Most of them where covered in lust.

I can’t seem to think when you are around

Even though my mind is usually quite loud

There is silence in your arms

muting the shrill warning signs.

I cover myself in pieces of you

Not once an afterthought or one of a few

Whoever I am when I am alone, with you everything is whirled

For now – a precious moment, you are the center of my world.

What do you Say?

Something new for your ears… Gavin Simpson as “sourfish”

sourfish – what do you say?

 

This is a link to the EP of the same name that was released today. Four songs, eight minutes long. (which is shorter than most postrock songs) But totally worth your while.  The genre would be alternative/ singer songwriter. “What do you say” is an upbeat song with a pop song melody. It makes you move in your chair and puts an easy smile on your face. It was written in 2019 with the hopes of writing a suitable song for a TV / advert placement, which didn’t happen. But it inspired Gavin’s podcast. (more about that later)

The highlight is certainly “Angel of my Eye”. The lyrics are simple yet poetic – something I really like. It is a song that evokes emotions. It was originally written as a finger-picking guitar piece that turned into a piano-driven piece. The first line “Three words – it’s over…” sets the tone for this break-up song. Sad, but real and telling the story of a situation we all went through at one time in our lives. And when Gavin sings in the chorus “Angel of my Eye, I want to say one more goodnight” I cannot help but think about the moments I sat with my phone in my hand, wanting to send a message to an ex just to be able to say goodnight one more time and missing them so much it breaks my heart every time anew.

Between “What Do You Say” and “Angel of My Eye” sits “Swim Against the Sea” a little demo/shortened song that is not quite finished but has lots of potentials. I’d say, give it some time to grow.

The last song is short and instrumental, using strings and guitar. Perfect for an add on TV, was my first thought. It is Gavin’s first self-produced song and it is called “Fowk”. But why “Fowk” you ask? Well, Gavin was raised in the Scottish highlands and this is their pronunciation of the word “folk”. And just like that, you’ve learned something new.

Gavin also has a podcast called “what do you say?”. The first episode is online and has an interview with Amanda Palmer. It’s a nice interview, a conversation really, that is fun to listen to. (coming from someone who is usually not too keen on podcasts). Here’s a link to the first episode.

And as I am alone, sitting outside and waiting for the sun to go down, I can’t help but think that Sourfish shows many facets of his talents on this EP and I hope to hear more of this talented artist in the coming months.

See what Sourfish (Gavin Simpson) is up to here:

https://sourfishmusic.com/

https://www.instagram.com/sourfishmusic/

Song for around midnight

Pearl Jam – Black

From Pearl Jam’s debut album “Ten” (1991, Epic Records).

In my opinion, this is the best, most wholesome Pearl Jam record. They have an extensive back catalog of songs though. Lots of gems. Their lyrics are poetic and intense. Real and raw. Just the way I like it.

Cathy’s top 5 Pearl Jam songs:

Nothing as it seems (my favourite of this band)

Black

Jeremy

Just breathe

I am mine

Bonus: Pendulum

Any thoughts about my picks? Any song I should hear or consider?

xx

Time for me to catch some sleep. It was a long day and work was exhausting, but awesome. I missed the kids at the nursery a lot more than I thought. xx

This is me today…

So, this is me today. My new picture for work. There is no filter on it, I was just close to a window and the sun was shining. It’s vain, but I like my eyes in this one. I don’t like the grey hair, but I am not 20 anymore. I am 37 and it is showing.

I don’t often like myself; I am a harsh critic. Everything I excuse in others or find endearing are things I hate on me. At the same time, I know that I am a unique person; I have flaws and qualities like everyone else. They are all a part of me…

I love you, she said.

– Ok, he replied.

20 years and all that was left was “okay”.